Charming, but single

Friday:

Went to a play thing with a friend from college. Saw old co-workers,
did not talk to them, as I no longer have to be nice to them. (Finding
a better job rules.) Had a glass of wine at the play and then we
grabbed dinner at a diner because we didn’t get out of the theater
until after 11 p.m. After dinner, I bailed on a party I was invited to
and crashed because work’s been doing a number on me. (I have 300
million things due between March 28 and April 5.)

Saturday:

Slept in. Was staying with younger sister since parents were out of
town. We shopped (still no black purse!), saw “Million Dollar Baby”
(Sad, but awesome) and ate sushi (But not the raw stuff, because my
sister isn’t that adventurous). Rejected a few invites out for the
evening, as I did not want to leave my sister alone until 4 a.m., and
was asleep by midnight.

Sunday:

Cleaned. Attempted to be cooking goddess by making black beans from
dry form. Will be sticking to cans in the future. Shoe shopped, but
did not buy any. Somehow spent $50 at Target without buying the one
thing I needed (New blinds because I broke the ones of my window). Now
have sheet pinned over the window. Went home and watched Law and
Order: CI, because Vincent D’Onofrio can investigate me any time he
wants. Asleep by midnight.

My apologies:

To the lady at the mall who tried to spray me with a sample of the new
Paris Hilton perfume. I did not mean to laugh that loud when you
offered. (Really, I thought I was just laughing on the inside.) I
understand that it’s your job and you’re just trying to pay your bills
like everyone else I know. Laughing was rude, but COME ON, you just
tried to make me smell like Paris Hilton! What’s that perfume called,
Eau de skank? (Also, I am allergic to perfume.) (Really, I am.)

Annoyance:

(Let me preface this with the caveat that I do not hate children. It’s
kind of a secret, as I kind of pretend to hate them, but I really
don’t. I’m the oldest of three kids and nine grandkids (and one hell
of a babysitter), so I’ve changed many a diaper and fed many a toddler
in my day. In fact, as much as I hate to admit it, I may actually want
to have children of my own one day. But if you tell anyone, I will
deny that I said it or that I even know you.) Seriously, too many
children in Target last night. I understand sometimes you have to
bring your kids with you to the store because you don’t have anyone to
watch them. I am sympathetic to this. (On rare occasions, my mother
had to take us to the store when we were young. But she gave us STRICT
instructions about the sort of behavior that would land us in our
rooms without TV for two days. She also had this awesome Look of Anger
and Disapproval, that I still, at 25 years of age, respond to.) But
when I see three adults, two high schoolers and three kids younger
than 10 all sharing one basket, clearly something is wrong. Perhaps
someone could stay home with the kids while someone else shopped, no?
This would be preferable to letting the kids tear through the store,
run into my basket, almost knock me over and then run away. ALSO, if
your kid does the aforementioned bad behavior, do NOT give me a mean
look for “being in your kid’s way.”

Ways NOT to impress a cute guy:

Accidentally pressing the emergency phone call button in the elevator
with your purse. Seriously, lights were flashing and phones were
ringing and even though I cancelled the call. I apologized profusely,
but I could hear it as I exited the elevator and walked down the hall,
taunting me, as if to say, “Cute boy’s never gonna talk to you in the
elevator again! Go write a press release, loooooser!”

Sigh.