Charming, but single

I have been a bad, bad blogger lately. I had a three-day weekend, went
out twice and have started to have some internal issues … and yet I
haven’t posted since my last weekend update.

Bad! (I just slapped myself on the wrist with a ruler.)

I have part of this past weekend’s update written, but I didn’t get to
finish. Also, there will be much discussion of my internal struggles,
I am sure.

But not right now.

To whet your appetite a bit, I will leave you with the weekend’s
lamest attempt to pick me up:

Late in the evening (or early in the morning, depending on how you
look at it), we end up at a dive-ish bar with a lot of young kids
(seriously, they were all 12) and a very, very, very loud band. (More
loud than good, natch.)

I go to the bar and order a Miller Lite for my friend (the Birthday
Girl) and a Red Stripe for myself. (I was DD, and this was the second
beer I’d had since 7 p.m. I sure as hell was NOT having a lame
domestic, especially considering that my first beer was a yummy
Hoegarden.) Now, I like Red Stripe because it’s smooth and it errs on
the side of a slight hint of sweetness as opposed to bitterness. (Try
it. It’s the one in the cute little thick bottle.) Also, it was either
Red Stripe, Dos Equis or Negra Modelo. I am not a huge Dos Equis fan
and I wasn’t in a Negra Modelo mood. So I went with the Red Stripe. (I
explained that because it sort of relates to the bad pick up line.
Sort of.)

I turn around and hand Birthday Girl her beer. (No friend of mine is
to buy drinks of his or her birthday!) I go to cross the bar when I’m
stopped by an intoxicated man.

Intoxicated man: (mumble) never seen (mumble) chick drink Red Stripe.
S: Wait, what?
Intoxicated man: I’ve never seen a chick drink Red Stripe before.
S: Oh. Really?
Intoxicated man: Yeah, it’s cool. Chicks who drink Red Stripe are cool.
S: Yeah, um, it’s a good beer.
Intoxicated man [motioning Birthday Girl]: Your friend drinks gross beer.
S [laughs]: Sort of.
Intoxicated man: Red Stripe is smooth. Don’t you think Red Stripe is smooth?
S [walking off]: That’s why I drink it.
Intoxicated man: Um, wait …

What I thought of this:

Call me “chick” again, jerkoff.
Um, you just made fun of my good friend, the Birthday Girl.
Eeeew.

What I should have said:

Peeeeeeep!