Drive me crazy May 15, 2005
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
On Friday, there was a touch of car trouble in my life. A dead battery. Sigh.
My father and uncle, my go-to lifesavers in such situations, were both out of town. My brother and B were both working, my mom clueless and a string of other people unavailable. A kind stranger in the parking lot finally jumped us off, which was very nice of him.
On Saturday, I left my car at the shop to have some (not battery-related) things done to it — oil, fluids, filters and something else changed. I greatly underestimated the popularity of the shop on Saturday. It was annoying and I didn’t really want to sit around and read magazines, so my mom suggested that she pick me up and we eat lunch and then I tag along on her errands for the day. I heard “Free lunch. Shopping!” and we were off.
After a few hours of this, we were driving to the grocery store when B called. He apologized for not returning my call from the night before, saying that he hadn’t gotten off of work until 1:30 a.m. and figured by that time that we had either “fixed it or given up.”
I joked that I had almost called him to come put a battery in the car this morning and he fell silent.
“You don’t know how to put a battery in your car?”
He was serious.
The amount of information I know about my car could probably fit in the world’s smallest thimble. I do (sort of) know how to jump off a car and where to put water for the bug washer thing and how to pump gas and check the amount of air in my tires and add more — but that’s about it. I don’t know how to change a tire and I certainly don’t know how to put a battery in a car. Although I do know that you can pour Coke on it if there’s corrosion on it. Doesn’t that count for something?
(Sidenote: I am not without handy skills. I can paint and hammer and use some tools and do minor around-the-house repairs. I can put things together. And I can sew, when I want to. I don’t see anything wrong with not being able to fix my car.)
I’m not going to lie, B was amazed. In fact, he was damn near incredulous.
B: S, seriously, how do you not know how to put a battery in your car?
Me: I’ve never had to. Plus, that’s a bit more major than pumping gas or adding air to the tires, no?
B: Okay. I’m going to explain this to you.
Me: What?
B: There’s a red wire and a black wire.
Me: [interrupting] I’ve SEEN a battery before.
B: Ok, so, you want to unscrew the wires and …
Me: [interrupting again] B, can I be honest with you?
B: Uh, sure.
Me: I am never going to change the battery in my car. Most places will put it in for free when you buy it.
B: But, S, you need to know about your car.
Me: B, there’s only so much knowledge that I can have at any given time. And this is something I do not need to know how to do. I promise you, I’m never going to have this sort of interaction with a battery. Ever.
B: Um, okay. I see.
Look, I don’t feel like a bad person or a wimpy woman because I don’t know how to put a new battery in my car. There comes a time when you have to say that some things are not things that you can do, and changing a battery in a car is one of the things I cannot do. (I also can’t waterski, but you don’t hear anyone trying to teach me how to do THAT over the phone.)
B is from a much smaller town and more rural area than I am. He was raised on a farm, I was raised in suburbia. Now, I hardly live in a booming metropolis, but compared to where he is originally from, I just as soon live in New York City or London or Paris or something. When you live somewhere where you can actually count the number of stoplights … well, there’s not really anything else I can say about that. There’s a divide. He’s always seen me as a “city girl” to his “country guy”-ness. This battery thing was only the most recent thing to support his theory about my handiness (or lack thereof).
I think he’s focusing on the wrong things. There are A LOT of things that I can do.
Also, I am not the only person in the world who didn’t know what a salt lick was.
Right?
Take heart, CBS, not everyone knows how to change a battery or know what a salt lick is! When I think salt lick, tequila instantly comes to mind!
Just to get even, why don’t you ask him to program your VCR or something? NOBODY knows how to do that! heh, heh.
Wow, I’ve never heard “jump off” a car. That must be a Southern thing. Around here we would say “jump start” a car.
Okay, it’s excusable that you not know how to change your battery, but don’t think it’s problematic that you don’t know how to change your tire? What will you do if you get stuck in the middle of nowhere with a flat tire, just wait and wait for someone to happen along and hope they are nice and normal?
CBS, I think you should change the name of your blog to
CHARMING
AND
SINGLE.
You can be both, right?!?! Like if you are not single anymore, do you suddenly become less charming?
Just curious!
DD — I’m going to go out on a limb and say that B would be able to program my VCR. It seems like the sort of random thing he would know how to do. I bet he can’t plan a major marketing campaign or write a press release, though! ;p
DCG — Some people I know do use the term “jump start,” but most of the time people where I live say “jump off.” Cause … we just do. I don’t know … we also call them sprinkles instead of jimmies. ;p And, re: the changing of the flat. Two words (Three letters?) — Triple A.
MM — The whole “but single” thing is a little tongue in cheek. People always describe single people in a very backhanded way — “He’s handsome and smart and hot, but he, um, isn’t seeing anyone” or “She’s educated, hard-working, attractive, and single for some strange reason!” I talked about it here in the first blog post I wrote: http://charmingbutsingle.blogspot.com/2005/01/those-particulars.html. The name kind of came to me the night I started the blog. While it probably doesn’t convey the exact message I was going for, it has kind of stuck and I don’t have any plans to change it any time soon. But, no, I don’t think being single makes you any more or less charming than if you’re in a relationship. Some people are just plain charming, single, dating, committed, married, dead, etc.
what’s a salt lick???
SS — That is EXACTLY what I said. Apparently it’s a big bar of salt that farm animals lick on. I don’t know why. B tried to explain it to me one time, but I was drunk and I really, in the long run, didn’t actually care. I’m glad I’m not the only person who didn’t know what it was though.
don’t fret. i don’t know how to change a battery, a tire, or oil, either. that’s what aaa and gm roadside assistance are for.
it’s worse for me because “guys are supposed to know how” to do that stuff. or whatever. but whenever anyone pulls the old “you don’t know how to change your oil???” routine out of the drawer, i point out how superior i obviously am to things i consider far more important.
like changing my clothing on a daily basis, for example. or cooking food that has not been deep fried in any sort of congealed animal fat.
My ex didn’t know how to change a tire or do anything to her car. I did it all. It didn’t make me respect her any less. In fact, it made me feel semi-useful and gave her a significant cuteness factor. Don’t all men love running to a battery-less damsel in distress? Or did I simply watch too many episodes of the Princess Bride?
Hey, I don’t know how to change a tire or any of that stuff either. I’m with you - AAA. I know I could do those things if I had to, but luckily I don’t.
I also know what a salt lick is, but I live in the midwest. I remember going to a park and having the ranger explain it to me. But, it’s not something one needs to know.
I can change a tire, patch a tire, change the oil… And I know what a salt lick is.
But I can’t cook.
So, all you people counting on AAA to change your flat tire — what if they are not available? What if your cell phone is dead or has no reception? It just dumbfounds me. Or perhaps you all live in areas where AAA just cruises all roads on a regular basis? In my neck of the woods there are plenty of places where there’s no cell phone reception.
Someone should offer a class on all of the above then, just in case we find ourselves in the boonies with those problems. Gee, CBS, looks like you hit a nerve.
ecamirg — I think that in life we all should get bonus points for style.
Daily Sketch — Well, I know who to call the next time my battery needs replacing, then.
LJ — I don’t know, I hear salts licks are very, very important.
Jess — I actually can cook.
DCG — I guess I’m going to die alone on the side of the road and the cannibals will eat me? I have Triple A and I have a cell phone that I keep charged, like, all of the time. It isn’t as if I haven’t thought about or planned for the possibility that my car would break down. Maybe I’m a bad person because I am without a back-up plan for my back-up plan (because the actual plan is that I wouldn’t have car trouble). You forget that I am tres charming and can rely on my personality to get me out of pickles such as this hypothetical one. ;P
DD — It does appear that I have.