An open letter to myself on the occasion of my friend’s engagement May 16, 2005
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Dearest self,
So, one of your best friends from college is now engaged. One of the women who shared many a beer with you whilst lamenting the current state of her love life has found a great guy and they’ve had a whirlwind courtship and are going to make things official. One of the women who swore off men just as many times as you have now has a reason to never want to date again. (And for once, it’s not because some issue-having loser didn’t call, told any number of lies or just generally acted like a prick.)
You are happy for her. Obviously. She is marrying an absolutely fantastic man. He thinks she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread (she feels the same way about him). He wants to be with her forever and ever (again, she agrees). You knew from the moment she introduced you to him, when they were just friends, before they were dating, that they would be perfect together and, as such, would end up together. He is the man she deserves and he deserves her. This is how courtship was meant to be.
You know this.
But there’s that little pang of sadness and jealousy that’s creeping over you. I know you. (I, technically, AM you.) You are starting to feel kind of weepy and bitter.
Self, I am warning you. Do NOT go there. Have a glass of wine. Toast your affianced amie. Gossip about the wedding. Tell the story about her engagement over and over again.
But, as someone who cares, I must demand that you do not, under any circumstance, become that woman who’s drunk, spilling her wine, moping about and whining because she’s the "last damn single woman in the whole damn world!"
That woman is unattractively bitter. That woman will have a KILLER hangover tomorrow. No one wants to be that woman.
Put down that third glass of wine. You are full of grace and happiness and joy. You are wonderful. You WILL find someone (maybe at the wedding!) and you won’t be alone forever. I promise.
Plus, you have months and months and months to find an acceptable date.
Sincerely,
Yourself
(From S — This is just a little preventive damage control before I go out for dinner and drinks.)
You could always get even by sleeping with the groom!!!
Oh! {big hug} We’re only human and it’s not that you begrudge your friend her happiness, I guess your wondering when you get to drink from the relationship fountain. And Anon is right although if you’re friends are like mine, they don’t invite an hot totty to their weddings!
Ah f*ck it…get your hot, single ass out there and live it up. Kidding. Good advice to yourself! Keep the chin up, make-up in check, and have a glass of water with each glass of wine.
Go get ‘em, tiger…there’s a plethora of men out just *waiting* for you…
Yeah, S! There are good guys all over the place hoping for a chance to meet someone like you!
So tell me, how are you meeting guys right now?
I have really enjoyed reading your blog, so much so that I have a shortcut to it on my desktop for easy access. Keep up the good work!!
Try to have fun…
I can’t sympathize, but I can empathize. That must be hard… I hate weddings in general and I can’t even imagine my friends getting married…
I think I will be the last as well.
i’ll be your date to the wedding. i’ll be the one wearing a purple blog on my lapel.
I totally empathise: When all three of my best friends announced their respective impending nuptials last summer within two weeks of each other (and they are all getting hitched this year within a month of each other!), I was so eaten up by jealousy and despair that I could barely sound happy by the time the third announcement came out. To add insult to injury, one of them decided that I wasn’t going to be bridesmaid or be involved in the wedding in any way except as a guest.
But I got over it.
They’ll just have to get over the fact that I am still footloose and fancy free (almost) with maximum mobility and babeliciousness.
I’ve had that conversation with myself, too. I know where you’re coming from - you really ARE happy for your friends, but it’s hard not to slip into the bad place that thinks, “When is this going to be ME?”
In the mean time, tell your friend that she and her husband-to-be need to make sure there are plenty of attractive, single men at the wedding.
You never know when you’re going to meet a good guy… and not to sound trite or overdone, but you WILL meet a good guy. You’re just too cool NOT to! 
that’s so weird, my best friend got engaged on sunday night as well. i know how you feel about the jealousy sometimes…it would be nice to be settled down with someone, but then again, it’s always fun to flirt with lots of boys too!
I’m printing this out and carrying it in my wallet for future use. As someone who averages 6-10 weddings a ’season’…I need to remind myself to never be ‘that girl’. And I’m pretty sure I have been…but I was so drunk I blacked out. Kidding. Sort of.
I’m printing this out and carrying it in my wallet for future use. As someone who averages 6-10 weddings a ’season’…I need to remind myself to never be ‘that girl’. And I’m pretty sure I have been…but I was so drunk I blacked out. Kidding. Sort of.
i totally understand how you feel…i am going through the same thing right now and it looks like you have a few other readers who are going through this sort of bittersweet sadness/happiness/jealousy right now also. hang in there and the feelings will pass and you will be ok.
What a brilliant letter to yourself! You are so gifted
Lets hope she is a really kind friend and allows you to select your own bridesmaid dress.
WOW, we really aren’t alone! I have found myself to be the ONLY Singelton left out of ALL of my friends! At this time last year, there were several of us single as can be. What a difference a year can make. Let’s hope this next year is my year to find love.
I loved that letter BTW! You’re awesome!
I love this letter. Am writing after just having received an email from my childhood school friend about her getting married. She met the guy in June, and his marrying him barely six months after. If it helps, this the third email i’ve gotten this month, abt another one who bites the dust. I feel horrible. At the same time I feel happy. But I feel despair too. Its ok, there’s nothing I can do. I’m keeping the chin up, simply because it feels nice to know I am not alone though. Need I add, this blog is a life-saver!