The boy October 23, 2005
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
(Sorry for the delay. It would have been better if I wrote this when it happened, but I’ve been tres busy.)
I met The Relief Worker, well, at work. A lot of companies in this area are bringing in folks to help with Katrina-related tasks.
I was rushing through one of our offices the day Hurricane Rita was coming. I had run through rain to get inside and was cold and wet. I had misjudged a puddle and ended up with water in my espadrilles, so I was in a denim skirt (it was casual Friday) with a casual blazer and top and bright pink Crocs. My hair was wet and in a ponytail, mascara pooled a pit under my eyes and I was in a bad mood.
So all I want to do is go home, uncork a bottle of wine and not leave until after the hurricane. But I’m getting a tour of this office and being introduced to some of the temporary people who have relocated to help. I’m trying to be gracious, but I’m worn out.
The Relief Worker happened to be walking by. He stopped to introduce himself – he had a great handshake and a nice smile and friendly eyes. He’s from another Southern state and he has a very thick, soft accent. We smile, talked for a bit and he almost immediately started to flirt. I smiled and continued my tour.
The next day, after Rita, I went back to this office for a few hours of work. I was working at a station near the Relief Worker’s. As soon as I walked in, he smiled and greeted me by name. He asked how I weathered the storm, joked that I should have invited him over.
We joked a little during the day. He invited me to dinner with the people from that office, but I already had plans, so I passed. The same thing happened the next day and then on Monday when I called to ask him something, he pretended to be hurt that I wouldn’t go to dinner with him. I promised that I would, but I didn’t get around to it until Thursday.
It was nice. We had a good time. He isn’t like any guy I’d normally date. He’s about 10 years older than I am, divorced, has a child, is very religious (and not the same religion as I am) and cheers for a football team I seriously dislike. He lives in another state, and I hate long distance nonsense. But he’s funny and he’s a good listener and I feel at ease when I’m with him.
We spent the day together that next Saturday. It was great. We talked about his daughter and ate a long leisurely lunch before seeing a movie. He even wore a hat from my football team even though he cheers for a rival.
All in all, a perfect date. But then he didn’t try to kiss me at the end of the night. I know it was our second date, but still.
I actually had a perfect chance to kiss him during the movie. He leaned over and made some joke about the cheesy ending to the cheesy romantic comedy we were seeing. I smiled and jokingly wiped a fake tear from his cheek. I should have just gone for it, but the theatre was packed and there was a row of high schoolers behind us. I did NOT want to be the girl who made out with her date in front of high schoolers. Not cool.
The next week he got shipped to a new office. Then he went home – we hung out for about an hour one day before he left, but that was it.
He called and e-mailed several times. Now he’s back until the end of November, but right now he’s stationed in a town like four hours away.
I don’t know what to do. I like him. I know this because I blush whenever someone brings him up. Part of me doesn’t feel like putting too much energy into this because it would be long distance and because he is so much older and has a child and just isn’t my type. I like to play and party and he likes to do stuff with his church.
But I can’t NOT date someone because he is religious. He has strong beliefs and feelings and he lives his life be a certain creed. And as long as that creed doesn’t include things that offend me, I can’t fault him for that. Can I? (That’s a rhetorical question.)
I told a guy friend about the Relief Worker and how he was religious and didn’t drink a lot and how I had spent four hours in my favorite restaurant/bar and only had an iced tea. The guy friend asked, “Who is this guy dating, you or someone else?”
I don’t know.
I’m going to give you the best advice I’ve ever received (other than “never grow a moustache,” which doesn’t quite apply here). You’re going to think I’m a dick for saying it, but at least I’m being honest.
“Long distance relationships never work, and no, you’re not the exception.”
Way it sounds the other reservations you have are more significant than that one would be, though.
Your guy friend hit the nail on the head with that question. Accept TheReliefWorker for who he is, all well and good…but don’t change the way YOU act because of HIM. That isn’t real. Would he change his behaviour for (or out of respect for) you?
It’s tricky, figuring out how different is too different. Hopefully it will become clear once you’ve spent a little more time together. And I agree, you have to be able to do things like enjoy a drink around him. No one’s making me give up my martinis!
OK, I’m going to have to disagree with Maki here. Sometimes long-distances relationships DO work. They can’t stay long-distance forever, of course, but I met my current boyfriend when he lived 2 states and a 6 hour drive away. We made it work for 6 months until he moved to my town. So actually, it can work, even if that’s not the norm.
And as for the religious differences, age, divorce, child and all that, my personal opinion is that you should just see where things go and not automatically rule a guy in or out over those type things. It sounds like you enjoy his company, and so as long as talking to him and seeing him when you can is something you’re enjoying, keep doing it. When/if problems pop up, deal with them as they come.
Good luck.
Glad to see the long-distance thing worked out for somebody. That still leaves the score 227,584 to 1 in favor of the broken relationships that would have worked out if only they’d lived in the same city.
“But I can’t NOT date someone because he is religious”
I agree with that, but I don’t think that’s the issue. Sure you might have some things in common, but you would have to have ALOT for it to work long distance. You have fun with him and its probably a nice change of pace and refreshing to meet someone new, But it sounds like there are too many questions from the start. Drinking, divorce, child, separation, not your type, religious beliefs….Why force it if it’s not happening naturally? Chalk it up to a life experience.
I gotta agree with Monica there. He sounds nice and everything…but not all THAT.
I also hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s always been my belief that if you really have to think about it, it’s not going to work out. If you have to weigh the pros and cons, it’s not going to be worth it, in the end…
I’m just not sure he’s that into you, to borrow a phrase from that book I read. He sounds nice, but not really as a keeper.
My parents had a long-distance relationship. It obviously worked (I’m here, they just celebrated 25 years together). But I agree with your guy friend up top- this doesn’t sound like it has the kind of foundation it would need to survive the many many seismic events that a long-distance relationship involves.
It’s so hard to get relationships to work when you’re both live close, so this has difficulties. I have no real advice… just try to balance your heart and your head.
Welcome back stranger. You’re both thrown together through unusual, difficult circumstances which can heighten the attraction. Sometimes we morph into ’someone else’ subconsciously when we are with someone who is so different to us, but don’t forget to be you. Long distance is a major pain in the arse, but it’s not like it’s not been done before. However, i think it’s easier when the relationship has been established. As for all of the other baggage, well they all come with some, it just depends on what you feel like carrying…