Just as she is November 7, 2005
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Last night, while I was on the phone with the Relief Worker, I figured out why I am so hesitant and generally wishy-washy about him.
I was settled into my new Sunday night routine, watching “Desperate Housewives” and “Grey’s Anatomy” while having a glass of wine. A friend of mine was over and we were debating the relative hotness of the different doctors on the show. Very important stuff.
The Relief Worker called, so I excused myself to the balcony so as to not interrupt the television-watching. He asked what I was doing, and I told him without hesitating, “Drinking a glass of wine and watching TV with a friend.”
“Oh, you’re all snuggled up with someone?” he asked, which is a lame way of asking if I’m seeing someone.
I assured him that I wasn’t and we had a short conversation. Toward the end he said, “Well, it was good talking to you. Go enjoy your bottle of wine.”
“Glass,” I said. “I’m having a glass of wine.”
“Well, one always leads to another,” he said. “You know how that works.”
And that’s when it hit me. I am ambivalent about him because he makes me feel self-conscious about my actions and because no matter what happens, I will always be the “bad” one in the relationship.
I am an adult. I’m 25 and I drink and I wear shirts that show off my cleavage sometimes and I hobble around on three-inch heels. I sometimes smoke and I look forward to a glass of wine after a long week at work. I get manicures and so I don’t save as much money as I should and instead of drinking house wine, I’ll have a $10 martini.
I stay out (and up) late. I enjoy trashy TV shows and watch silly reality TV when I should be vacuuming or mopping or Windexing something. I eat tater tots and grilled cheese or pizza and potato chips when I should be having a salad and apple slices. I play my music too loud and I dance around my apartment in my bra in the middle of the day without shutting my blinds.
I sleep in or go to brunch instead of church on Sundays. My last thought at night before I go to bed is about what time I should set my alarm. I often skip breakfast, but I always have my coffee. I am slightly addicted to Diet Coke and at least once a week, I sneak off to the vending machine for a white chocolate Reese’s peanut butter cup.
And I am fine with it all.
I’m also a good sister and daughter. I love my family and friends. I work hard for less money than I should because I believe that I am helping people. I am a shoulder to cry on, someone who will listen and a person you can go to when you just want to laugh. I will cook you dinner (veggies only!) and make dessert.
I will dance all night for your birthday and buy you a drink when your heart is broken. I’ll give you advice I know you won’t take and I will do my best to avoid saying “I told you so” later. (I sometimes fail at this one.) You can cry to me and I will never tell anyone. You can tease me and I’ll tease back.
And what I really need is someone who is fine with it all, too.
This is a wonderful post. I really related to alot of the things you wrote and I think we are alot alike. You should not be with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable with yourself. Period. You should only be someone who makes you feel great about yourself. Period. Otherwise it is better to be alone, in my opinion. And one glass of wine does not necessarily lead to another…
GREAT POST!!!! I also related to a lot of the comments that you said about yourself, and was once friends with/almost dated a person who used to “tease” me about a lot of those qualities in exactly the way that you described. It made me really self-conscious about myself until I finally realized that he was a jerk who was intimidated by an independent woman, and I was much to strong to let some loser dictate how I feel about myself. Good for you for realizing it too!
You Rock! I’d buy you a glass of wine if we were out!
Don’t ever apologize for who you are and anyone who makes you feel that way (intentionally or not)isn’t worth your time
Fabulous post and I’m glad you have nailed what it is that bugs you. I was practically cheering at the end of this post. Surround yourself with people that recognise how great you are, not that make you feel bad about yourself. There is a guy that will be delighted to be with a woman like you.
Good for you! To hell with someone who makes you feel guilty for a glass of wine!
There is nothing to say but: AMEN, Sister!
If he doesn’t accept you for who you are, you don’t need him.
Like my favorite quote says, “Don’t waste the pretty.”
And I think you’d definitely be doing that with him.
i have no idea what website this is but it seems to me like your in touch with who you are and are pround to be you. however, this man has a good sense of humor
A very sweet post.
Making you conscious of your actions is not necesarily a bad thing. It prevents you from getting too absorbed in yourself and developing nasty habits, even though you are an adult.
What is bad, is when you indeed allways would be the “bad” one in the relationship. That is not healthy.
I agree, it sounds like you are in touch with yourself (which women less than 27 in age usualy are not yet, but there are exceptions).
I enjoy your Blog by the way (added it to the ones I check daily), you have an ironic and funny style of writing.
I think that Patrick Dempsey is the hottest doc of them all…totally irrelevant, i know!
Amen! You’re fantastic just the way you are. And you sound a lot more interesting and fun than if you DID do all those “sopposed to do” things like eat right all time, clean the house obsessively, etc.
If relief worker doesn’t appreciate and love all those things about you - then *DING* - his time is UP! Why spend time on somebody who doesn’t appreciate you just the way you are!?
The question I would ask is: Does he know what he’s saying?
Sometimes people say things without thinking about their impact. While it sounds like he says many things, the question I would ask is whether he says them knowing their impact or not?
I think you are a pretty cool chick. Great entry.
Hey—you’re great just the way you are. And screw him if he makes you feel bad about yourself.
i love this post. it’s beautiful. it’s good to be fine with the way you are and the way you live your life. and you should be fine with it. you’re just being you. and if someone else can’t handle that, then you need to find another someone else who’s fine with that.
Amen, sister. Let him go. It’s one thing to be religious, it’s another to be judgmental. You want someone who celebrates you, bad habits and all.
you’re califragilistic - come to UK!
There is nothing better than righteous indignation to help us find ourselves. Perhaps he should find a doctor to extricate the stick from his ass.
Oooooh…Dr. McDreamy….ooooh…
it is indeed a nice post, but really I can’t understand wht you girls in the US are still so guilt ridden…
You have your life, period. [i'm game with the Martini]
Ok so now i’ll just go back to the burning cars here in Paris…
bravo.
bra-fucking-vo.
Fucking brilliant.
I will buy you a martini and we can drink to being comfortable with ourselves and with others, a quality that i think your Relief Worker lacks.
You definitely don’t need to be with anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
Never, comprimise who you are for someone else!! I love your blog and I’ll keep reading!
I really love your blog and this was a great story, you should never feel ill at ease with a guy, be proud that you are who you are and don’t settle for anyone who isn’t okay with you…being you.
This makes me want to hang out with you and ask you to be my friend.
Don’t worry. I’ll stalk your blog for a little while before telling you that.
(pause)
“That” being that I want to ask you to be my new blog-friend. Of course.
there’s webdate for your own pleasure. maybe mr.right has waited long enough for you as well.
Oh, so I’m not the only one that’s like this? I’m perusing blogs while I should be working (shocker) and I’m glad I found yours.
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