Updates and Towel Snapping February 8, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
So, I got an e-mail from The Producer. Short and sweet, “I had a lot of fun on Friday, but I was really worn out all day Saturday. Call me! We should do it again.”
Not exactly the dirt-dishing I was hoping for at all. AT ALL. I was hoping to get some sign from the Super Bowl party. Like, “Hey, The Engineer kept going on and on about you, but then he was rendered speechless by an infection brought on by an allergy to the cheese on the nachos. As they were wheeling him away, he blinked out your name in Morse code before losing consciousness. We hear the doctors expect him to be out of his coma by Friday night, so we made reservations for you two at 8 p.m. He’ll pick you up at 7:30 for a fantastic dinner. Does that work for you?”
Sadly, no. So I sent her another short e-mail saying I’d call her and talking about how worn out I was all day Saturday from staying out too late on Friday.
Then later, Best Friend Ever called to say that she would be in town next month. (Haven’t seen her in ages! Like maybe a year!) I gave her the dirt on Friday night (which she had received via voicemail and text message several times throughout the weekend) and after hearing my version of the night, she said, “So, has he called?”
I told her no. And she kind of giggled and said, “Sorry babe. But I told you so.” (And told me so she did, even as I was en route to “one more glass of wine.”)
And then she said, “Asshole.” And we both devolved into laughter because I could never be mad at her. She’s one of the few people who can tell me so without me flipping out. I gave her the more randy details of the night, we had some rather non-PG talk about the incident and these sorts of things in general. After this round of talking ended in laughter, I sighed.
“I liked this one,” I said. “He seemed different. Not slimy.”
“I know you did, babe. I know. Call me if he calls.”
I think I’m so bothered by this whole noncalling situation because I’ve grown up. And what you do at 21 feels a lot different when you do it at 26. I’ve mellowed out considerably in recent years and I don’t have the desire to go back to drinking four to five to six nights a week and eating copious amounts of pizza and Jack and the Box or Taco Bell at 3 a.m.
I’m a dreamer. A hopeless romantic. I am a cynic in many ways, but for some reason when it comes to dating I still have this really cheesy, idealistic side that keeps me from joining the convent or just plain swearing off men altogether. I’ve been heartbroken and I’ve not been called many times before. Notches on the bedpost. Check. Unrequited love. Check.
As I said to Neil in a comment on a previous post, I am so hopeful because after two glasses of wine a boy with a nice smile is the kryptonite to my time-hardened demeanor. The cynic in me melts away and I really forget the lessons learned and the mistakes made.
And it doesn’t matter to whom the nice smile is attached sometimes. It’s not that I’m freaking out over a guy I spent 14 hours with. It’s just my neediness and a loneliness that is so palpable right now.
I want to be with someone. I want to not have to worry about dates for weddings and I want to cuddle up with someone on chilly nights with mugs of warmth and dangerously cold toes tickling up and down my legs while hot breath whispers into my ear and big hands pull my body into the crook of his form.
I want to hear, “Yes, Honey” in a playfully sarcastic tone when I’m nagging, like my friend’s husband said to her while they set out the food on Super Bowl Sunday. She just grinned.
I want to feel a towel snap against my legs when I am cooking, like the way my Dad teases my Mom in the evenings when they cook dinner and they don’t think anyone else is looking to see them, so he snaps her with a towel and they flirt like teenagers. And my Mom pretends to be annoyed with my Dad, but really she’s just getting ready to put an ice cube down his shirt or do something else silly because 30 years into their marriage they’re still nutso crazy about each other.
And I want to have a cheesy ritual like how my Mom calls my Dad “George” (and he calls her Laura) when he brings her coffee in the morning, because Laura Bush said on Oprah one time that Dubya makes the coffee in the morning and always brings her a cup. (I secretly think they do this as a funny little way to torture the more liberal-minded members of the household, but it IS still pretty damn cute.)
No one in my large extended family has ever been divorced. Long marriages and big families surround me. Not every moment has been happy and joy-filled, I am sure. But even my grandparents, who have been married for more than 50 years and argue like old people who’ve spent the last 50 some-odd years and raised five girls together have their moments. When I scolded them for being so short with each other one day, pointing out playfully that they should “pretend to still like each other,” my grandfather let a grin spread across his face and said, “It has been 50 years. And the honeymoon is OVER!” and then they just laughed and laughed and gave each other this Look.
And so this is what colors my experience. These silly little things that I know people cherish more than wedding rings and anniversary dinners. Just the underbelly of love and relationships. The day-to-day minutia that gets lost in grand gestures, but serves as a constant reminder that, “Hey, I dig you. And we’re in this together, OK?”
And the possibility of this is what makes me swoon over a Nice Smile and Bright Eyes when they’re turned on me. This hope not for the fairytale, but for the towel-snapping.
So, depending on my mood, temperament and the way the wind is blowing, a nice smile over a glass of wine will get me every time. And all I can do is hope that one day the nice smile is attached to a guy who is willing to go past the crap of dating rules, regulations and standards and just be a normal human being with me.
sigh.
You’re a hopeless romantic. No matter what any of us say, there’s no cure for a patient like you.
You just have to find the right man who knows how to snap that towel at your butt. You seem so “charming” on the page, I can’t imagine it not happening for you soon. Just try to pick the right one.
You’re too kind. I do literally write on the book on charming, don’t I? ;p
Amen.
I completely get this post. It speaks to me as if it were my own little intrapersonal conversation. Hopefully you and I will find someone who speaks the language.
BTW, you are such a great writer.
great post and yeah i agree with you on every point. my sis and i were watching how cute our parents are to each other and we’re like, ‘man i hope we find that.’ i don’t think it’s going to be as easy as i thought.
What a cool picture of your family. Great ideals to strive for.
I think especially with your history and attitude you’ll totally find the right guy!
Nothing better than finding that guy that you can play with and enjoy just being around.
I know how you feel.
I really couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s more than the glitz of a relationship. It’s the little day to day stuff. And the bar is raised that much higher when you’re around happily ever after.
I know how you feel.
charming, great post! I, too, can completely identify with it. Way to put it out there like that!
Lovely post. It’s always comforting to know how universal the longing for love is. Sounds like you have a really good sense of what you’re looking for and what’s important, which means you won’t settle for less!
I’ve been in your shoes before. More often than not, that’s what dating for me was like.
Either they said they’d call and didn’t OR there wasn’t a connection to begin with OR the connection fizzled, I tried to let them down easy and they didn’t get the hint.
I’d had it with dating. With men.
I decided to just do for me, and if anyone special came along, I’d see what developed.
And then in October, without ever expecting it, Jack became a regular visitor to my blog.
And the emails began flowing - one a day for the last four months, even though we’re together all the time on weekends, we still send ‘I’m thinking of you emails’ during our workday.
I never, in a million years, expected to find Jack.
He’s amazing.
You’ll find your Jack, too. I know it. Patience is hard - I have none, so I know.
But you will.
We’ll have to get that drink sometime, Charming; I do empathize with how you feel. . .I have been there. But I also have domestic bliss and towel-snapping and mock annoyance with my dreamy boyfriend too, NOW. But I didn’t for a long time, and if I can give you one piece of advice, it’s this:
You will find the right person, when you least expect it (yada yada yada cliche cliche cliche). You have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to be with him when you find him. YOU ONLY HAVE NOW to be single and only answer to you and eat ice cream for dinner and not have to be accountable and to live your life and BECOME/CONTINUE TO BE that sassy, independent, CHARMING chick that some guy’s going to go nutso over. You only have now, girl: enjoy it. Focus on BEING the right person for him when he’s fortunate enough to stumble into your little world. Focus on BEING the best you. He’s just the cherry; YOU’RE the sundae.
(And this isn’t an “easy for you to say” thing; my girlfriends can vouch that I finally found a way to be at peace with–and luvin’!–single, and right about that time, I met Len–and he had to “convince” me to date! Thanks goodness he did!)
Yes, and go read Irish Eyes today, THAT’S what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
We more or less share a “relationship brain,” she and I.
Aww. I hear you on the being surrounded by family members who aren’t divorced. I think it breeds hopeless romanticism!
Man, I think you are my doppelganger.
Couldn’t have put it better myself. Apart from the fact I come from a family full of broken families. Makes me want that ideal even more.
this was a wonderful post. never forget all of the positive examples you are surrounded with. it will happen for you one day, seriously, when you least expect it.
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now, sometimes I feel like you are reading my mind! This post was one of those times, so I just wanted to say, he’s the jerk not you, keep being a hopeless romantic!!
aw, you totally nailed my parents in that image of dad snapping the towel and mom hiding an ice cube behind her back. I love that line about wanting “not the fair-tale, but the towel-snapping” because that’s real life romance. As much as it stings, the bastard.
*sniffle* OK are we twins seperated at birth? *grin* I absolutely agree with you, it is those little things that we all want…
knowing what you want is half the battle, IMHO. you have good role models, which will make it that much easier when Mr.Wonderful comes along. you will recognize him!
why do men seem so AWESOME and then without any warning, turn into assholes? have you read my posts about FedSexy? he was a dreamboat, and then overnight became a total jerk. i know what you are going through. i think any woman reading this post can relate. you aren’t alone! it’s probably the same guy, traveling all over the country, doing this to women everywhere. if i see him, i’ll crack his kneecaps for you, promise. hey, i’ll recognize him!
happy thought: at least it happened now, before you went on dates with him, before you fell in love with him, etc. it could have been worse.
happy thought #2: now you have the opportunity to meet Mr. More Awesome. and the next guy is ALWAYS more awesome. plus, he might have a bigger dick to boot! yay! so wipe your tears, remind yourself that you rock, and go get him, girl!
i am crazy about your blog! i will be a regular reader, i assure you. i think so many women can relate to you. i feel like i know you in real life! keep up the great blog!!!!
i esp. liked the part where you imagine the super bowl party and his allergic reaction–hilarious and classic!!
Great post!
How did you get to be so self-aware and mature at 26? When I was your age I was banging around Australia - literally - and had not a clue what I wanted in life. You are going to be fine. Trust me. You’ve got your head on straight and years to find the right one. I envy you.
When I was 26, I felt the same way.
I agree with all the other commenters, we all know how much it sucks to be there. And it does. Suck. Hard.
But you really do have a good head on your shoulders. Minor indiscretions and all. Because no matter how much we *know* how we should act, sometimes you just have to go with what feels right. Sometimes it works out. Sometimes not.
But the whole hopeful romantic, don’t ever let go of that. It’s a good thing. A very, very good thing.
reading this actually brought a tear to my eye… it’s beautiful and the picture you paint is so vivid. i want all of that too. and i wonder why it seems to elude me so much…
I can totally understand how you feel. I met a guy a while ago and we had some great time together. We have many things in common and we did a lot of kissing and cuddling. But the moment he found out that I actually liked him, he took off. Absolutley no clue what goes in guys’ heads!
I think this is probably the most impressive post I’ve read from you. If only more people had a chance to see this side of you…
Thank you for leaving me a message on my blog. I am sorry it’s been kind of boring recently. We have had to do specific assignments for my class. I really enjoyed this post a lot. You have a great way of putting into words how every single girl feels around her non-single friends. I see my friends with their long-term boyfriends and they are so cute together…one of my roommates just got roses from her boyfriend for an early Valentine’s Day present. You are right, it’s not the fairytale we look for. It’s the cute everyday things. I hope you find that soon.
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