How is this socially acceptable? March 12, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Friday night was a going away celebration for The Producer. Also, Best Friend Ever was in town. (I hadn’t seen her in more than a year and though I’ll blog about that later, it was refreshing to see her.) The Producer got a kickass job in another city and I’m actually kind of sad about it, because we’d gone out a few times recently. I’m gonna miss her for sure.
So, I’m at our regular bar, BFE comes to meet us. I’m chatting with people I know and generally having a good time when I notice one of the Producer’s Coworkers who I have only met on one other occasion. I wonder to myself if The Engineer is with them and shake it off.
I’m standing to the side of the group with BFE and I casually (and softly) mention it to her.
“I’m nervous because Coworker is here and she introduced me to The Engineer,” I said. “It is awkward.”
“Is he here?” She scanned the room, even though she’s never met the boy.
“I don’t think so,” I say in a hushed whisper. “This is just the st—“
I paused as something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.
“BFE, I need a cigarette. Now.”
“He’s here, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Which one.”
“Untucked button down, slightly spiked hair, pint in hand.”
She lights a cigarette for me and casually looks over.
“He is kind of cute, S!”
“BFE, can we not?”
She smiles.
“He needs to iron his shirt.”
At this moment I want to hug her and cry because I’m so happy she is there. Her slight bitchiness to me, knowing that the only salve for my bruised ego at this moment is to hear about his flaws and my relative perfection. This is why I love BFE. She will never judge me or think I am making a big deal out of nothing. She just loves me.
“Maybe he doesn’t recognize you.”
“BFE, I appreciate that, but you know he does.”
“I know.”
“And all he has to do is come over and say hello and make conversation for a few minutes. I don’t expect him to profess love or marry me.”
“Right.”
“I mean, we met at a bar and made out up against my car. This was never going to be a big thing. I was never going to say, ‘And then Grandpa paid out his tab and tried to see how easy Grandma was’ to my grandkids one day.”
We laugh.
The Engineer and I glance at each other, never making eye contact. I was feeling slightly sexy when I left my apartment that night, but at this moment, I feel unattractive. Like a pariah.
“It isn’t him,” I say. “It is the situation. I am so over all of this.”
“Go say something to him. I would go say something to him.”
“BFE, I swear, if you say anything to him, I will never ever speak to you ever again.”
“Well, I don’t believe that.”
“Ok, well. I will be mad. For a little while.”
We laugh again.
She keeps egging me on to go talk to him. I will not. The ball is clearly in his court, since I gave him my number. And I am not about to rush over to a boy who couldn’t be bothered to make a phone call. I may have found “He’s Just Not That Into You” to be patronizing to women, but I agree with the point that if he doesn’t call, he’s not into you. I have been the desperate woman before. But no way. Not at this moment.
The group shrinks in size as we inch toward closing time. It is me, BFE, the Producer and her roommate, Coworker and her fiancée and The Engineer. And we are standing in a circle talking, with The Engineer across from me. When I speak, he may answer or glance at me awkwardly. He knows who I am. He will not look me in the eye when he speaks. He knows he is an asshole for not acknowledging my presence in such a small crowd, which is made of people that I know.
I go to the bathroom, run my fingers through my hair and have a moment alone. I feel very raw and exposed. I don’t remember when it became socially acceptable to treat people like this. I wonder if he thinks I’m one of those girls who is going to freak out and scream at him because he didn’t call. I bet he’s worried I’m going to toss a drink in his face, I think.
I stop and consider that prospect. I look at my fresh glass of wine.
I have always wanted to throw a drink in a guy’s face and storm out of a bar while people cheer me on. Having a drink thrown in his face is kind of like the Single Male Douchebag’s scarlet letter.
I look at my fresh glass of wine again.
Though this guy is a clear candidate for being drenched in Sauvignon Blanc, he’s not worth the $6.50 I’d waste if I did give him a wine shower. He is insignificant and is in no way worth me making a scene.
I join the group, finish my wine, pay my tab and hug the Producer goodbye. I sit in my car for a second, flip through the tracks on the CD until I find one for my mindset.
“We’re one in the same / Baptized by tears /Washed in the blame.”
I pull out my cell phone and flip through the address book. And like I always do, I find my default guy for this situation. I smile and call B. He answers.
“I’m coming over,” I say.
“I’m in New Orleans.”
“Oh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I hate men.”
He just laughs. I turn up the music and have a moment as I let my car carry me home.
“You can let your heart go / But I will hunt you down / Your love is all I want to win / Don’t break my heart again.”
Oh CBS… what a complete and utter dick. Been there… but it hurts so much! How can men do this to us…
You should be impressed with how you handled yourself. He deserved the wine in the face, but it would have only made you look bad.
oh man… i so can relate… in fact at this moment i’m so tempted to contact prick04 ‘coz he hasn’t contacted me… men…
I agree you handled yourself well. Now if it had been Boones or Wild Vines you were drinking….;-)
Rosie — I pretty much agree with everything you said. ;P
Neil — Yeah, that and I do not waste good wine!
Jo — Don’t do it!
Larissa — You know, I considered getting water from the bar, ’cause that is free. I decided against, though …
I absolutely love that you actually considered throwing your wine in his face, and am extremely impressed that you concluded that the wine was worth more than he was.
Men suck.
My roommate have a poster with the following tagline:
“Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.”
We haul it out when a man has been stupid.
They make coffeemugs and t-shirts too.
I think every single girl in the world knows how that feels.
It’s a matter of realizing, like you did, that he’s not worth your time.
Not even a little bit.
*blows kiss, winks*
Love the wine bit. I’ve always fantasized over tossing a drink in a man’s face–but never have my drinks been that expendable–I’ve always come out thinking that they need to kick me into inebriation far more than soak a suit.
Great post!
Ha, everyone has been in that situation once or twice. And I, like you, would not waste good booze on a guy who really is “insignificant” even if he is probably thinking he is everything and a cup of tea. Which he’s not…shown by his actions in this situation.
Men can be such asses.
Not worth the time of a classy girl like you *wink*
Never forget: Karma is a bitch. You circumvented bad karma for not throwing the drink in his face, he didn’t by not calling. And one day it will bite him in the ass. And with luck, you’ll see - or at least hear - about it. Problem is, you won’t care by that point.
I hate to be the stick in the wheel and while I completely commend you Charming for handling yourself like an adult, men do this to us because we let them! Perhaps a drink in the face would keep him from letting down the next gal. He knows he can get away with it because no gal has the guts to call him on it! I think $6.50 is worth saving another from the same heartache! Take one for the team you know. Bravo though, my dear, but next time, promise me Mr. A-hole gets a wine bath!
Sorry to hear how that turned out. That was cold. But like Neil said, you handled yourself with grace. Very classy of you to take the high road.
He seemed so great when you first met him and it really sucks that he turned out to be such a huge dumbass. So sorry he acted like he didn’t even know you. What a dumbass! I’ve been there. Why do guys do that? I’ll never know.
The Engineer is immature and insecure. It’s not that hard to say hi to someone. what a jerk. he showed his true colors. forget him.
am proud of you for not calling him or asking him why he hadn’t called. that would have been an awkward conversation, i think. you are brave for being able to handle the truth. i know it’s hard, girl!
i am glad you didn’t throw the drink. i did that once (check out my post, “The Drama Queen”) to FedSexy (re-named FedSucksy after standing me up) and while i can’t say that i totally regret calling him out, i probably wouldn’t do it again if i had the chance. so i’m glad you were a bigger person than i was! *VB gives CBS a virtual pat on back*
thank god for Best Friends. Your conversation w/her sounds just like one i would have w/Lady Starfish. If it weren’t for girlfriends, we’d never make it dealing with assholes like this!
water’s free. next time throw that in his face. LOL
I have one of those “Boys are stupid, let’s throw rocks at them” t-shirts. I’m a 27 year old corporate attorney and it still makes me feel better to wear it when I’m going through a “I hate men” phase. Sometimes acting like a 5 year old helps…although I think you handled the situation perfectly. Grace under fire and all.
Oooo. I would’ve splashed the wine right in his face. No doubt.
Just found you… and i totally empathize.
However, clearly the Engineer is an ass, and NOT worth wasting a good $6 glass of Pino Grigio.
Maybe he genuinely didn’t notice you. But I guess you’d know (same way you can tell if someone’s being sarcastic). However, if you were to throw a drink in his face, it probably only would have given him some status with the jerks in the room, so probably better you saved the plonk!
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