Will You Marry My Daughter? (Part Two) March 26, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
(From S: Part One is here.)
A single man is moving onto my parents’ street.
My mother is thrilled.
“You know how that house across the street from [Neighbor] just sold?” My mom said excitedly as we chatted over a glass of wine on Saturday afternoon.
I nodded. I hadn’t noticed that it was for sale, until the “sold” sign went up sometime this week.
“Well, a single 35-year-old man is moving in!”
She was ecstatic about the news and ready to sink her “Date My Daughter” hooks into him before any of the neighborhood’s other Mothers With a Single Daughter at Marrying Age could mark him as a Potential Future Son In Law.
I rolled my eyes and started outlining the numerous reasons why it was highly unlikely that I would want to date someone who lived down the street from my parents, across the street from a family friend and a few houses from one of the gossips from my parents’ church.
“I don’t have all of the details on him yet, S,” my mom continued, brushing aside my arguments.
She paused to sip her wine before continuing.
“But I met him and he is good-looking. He’s 35. Did I say that already?”
“Yes, Mom, you did,” I deadpanned. I was about to snottily ask why he was single if he is so great, but stopped because I wouldn’t want him (or any other guy, for that matter) asking his mother how I’m still single if I’m so awesome. That’s something many single women (and men) I know think, but never actually verbalize.
“Oh. Well … he’s recently divorced,” she said with a sense of trepidation.
I took a sip of wine and rolled my eyes again.
“What did he do?” I asked, heaping on the sarcasm. I sensed there was a story here.
“Apparently his ex-wife was just not a very nice person,” my mom said diplomatically.
“Of course.”
“But, like I said, I don’t have all of the details. He’s [Lady From Church]’s son.”
“Who?”
“She goes to our church! She worked at your school!”
“Oh.”
“So, doesn’t he sound great?”
I rolled my eyes again, realized that I was wearing sunglasses so she couldn’t see me.
“Mom, I’m not going to go after some guy just because he moved down the street from you,” I explained. “The whole neighborhood would know anytime I stayed there past dark.”
“Well, I thought you were looking!”
“What?”
“I thought you were looking for a boyfriend!”
“I’d like one, but I don’t need, like, you and everyone you know helping. I don’t HAVE to have a boyfriend,” I said. “I’ll find a man one day. On my own. Please don’t try to set me up with every man you meet, Mom.”
She seemed hurt and dejected.
“Well,” she huffed. “I don’t see them lining up down the block or anything. I just thought you might want some help.”
Ouch! Thanks, Mom!
But I’m with you — no one wants to date someone that everyone in your mother’s neighborhood is dying to know the poop on. You don’t need that.
Years ago I broke up with my college sweetheart of four years. About five months later, I was describing some of the horrendous dates I had been on to some of my aunts. My aunts had asked me if my old boyfriend would take me back. My jaw dropped.
I think some women, especially those that have been married awhile, feel that a woman NEEDS a man. I think its a generational thing. I don’t think they realize how it sounds to the person on the other end of the conversation.
I thought you girls needed us too
Sandra Dee — Right. And I know exactly what will happen. “What were you doing at 3 a.m. …” No no no.
Lisa — Yeah, my mom still wants me to marry the guy I took to my prom. Really. Like, move on!
Chad — You boys are nice to have around, of course. ;P But women nowadays don’t have to have a man as much as previous generations. If you look at it from a financial standpoint only, I can support myself with my career. I’m educated enough and I make enough money. In the past, women didn’t have the educational or career options, so they were more dependent on men. So, it isn’t that we don’t WANT you around, it is that we have more options as single gals now than our moms and grandmas did. Right?
“I don’t see them lining up down the block.” HA HA! Is she trying to literally change the course of fate by making someone down the block form a line? This is too too funny.
Your mom means well… Who knows, he might be the next James Denton (that’s the Desperate Housewife neighbor, right?)
my mom hasn’t actually tried to set me up with anyone yet… though sometimes she asks her friends if they know any single guy to introduce to me. and when we’re walking down the road, she’d point out a guy and ask “what bout him?” and of ‘coz he so isn’t my type at all… oh moms… gotta love ‘em…
haha could u imagine dating a guy who lives across the street from your parents?!
Don’t worry, there are guys (like me) who have parents who pull the exact same crap on us. It’s like they don’t even bother to find out if I’d like her, it’s the fact that she’s single is the only fact that matters to them. At least they haven’t tried anyone on their street… Yet. We do have a family in “waste management” that lives next door with 4 daughters, so it’s only a matter of time, I’m afraid.
Desperate parents need a support group or something.
She sounds exactly like my Grandma, who tries to set me up with every single girl in my age group that she meets…she means well but…
Ouch- I love it when Mums get hurt because you don’t jump at their master plan for your life.
ps- this reads like a scene from ‘Pride and Prejudice’! If you tell me the new guy’s name in Bingley or Darcy, I’ll keel over
oh, moms are all the same, aren’t they? they only look for the following: single, employed, good family. they don’t care if the guy is nice, non-nerdy, relatively baggage-free or fun. they’d love it if we just married them sight-unseen so we could begin pumping out grandbabies for them. but then, if we were to divorce the set-up hubby later, they’d be devastated. moms–you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
on a less cynical note, give him a shot. if he sucks, you’ll be able to get mom off your back. if he’s great, you don’t have to worry about whether or not your mom likes him. i know you don’t want everyone in the neighborhood gossiping, but what do you have to lose if you just go on one date? (it’s a free dinner, right?)
ooh, there goes the cynicism….
My mom’s trying to set me up with her hair dresser, manicurist, and the lady that cuts my hair. She’s even thought about going on eHarmony and putting my information in there. Her lack of internet skills was the only thing that saved me there. I’m now at the point I just laugh.
Gotta love parents!
Oh wow. Yeah, dating someone who lived on the same street as my parents wouldn’t be fun. My mother would be looking out the damn window ALL THE TIME to see when I was in the ‘hood and why I wasn’t dropping by to see her.
Even if they were lining up down the street… wouldn’t he see them whenever you visited your parents? It defeats the whole purpose!
Man alive, my parents do the same thing. Each time a dating mishap occurs they say in this chipper voice, “There’s always so and so.”
*grumbles*
Your mom sounds like a total trip! Of course, my Greek father was talking to me about having babies for him one week after I had surgery to remove tumors from my uterus–didn’t matter that 0I was single and without prospects!!!
You know what? It doesn’t matter if you get a boyfriend. Your mother will move on the next thing to nag you about, When are you getting married, sweetie? Why hasn’t he proposed yet? Then when you get married, she’ll nag you about kids. Then once you have kids, it’s a whole new generation for her to start fresh with the nagging.
Yeah, stay away from that one. Even a degree of separation isn’t going to work, so meeting this guy and trying to date his friends won’t work.
My mother tried to fix me up with a single gal on her street. At a party at single gal’s place, I met my future wife. She is now my soon-to-be ex-wife. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way.
Haha, oh man. I’m glad my parents don’t try this. I know it’s with the best intentions but I have a feeling my mom would pick out people I would never be interested in.
Why are moms always in such a rush? Wouldn’t she rahter you take your time and find someone quality rather than hitching your wagon to anyone and everyone? (Not that you are, but you know what I’m saying.)
Hey not only girls have this problem. My mom tries to procure me too!
by the way, singles of a certain age are not single because they didn’t found anyone wanting them, they are only very special and won’t give themself away to the first coming up!
There is something to be said about not settling, right?
I guess I’m lucky, I’ve never been set up by my parents, but I have been set up by someone ELSE’s mother! And as you can imagine, when I found out, I was terribly embarrassed. It was like that episode of Raymond when he feels bad about this date in High School he had years ago and finds out his Mom set up the date, and he says “You weren’t the pathetic loser, I was the pathetic loser!!” and someone has a video camera pointing in his face. Hee hee!
if you dont have a boyfriend what will you be lacking and what is the gain. I need your answer
i need your answer
This sounds rather oddly similar to the beginning excerpt in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice … well whatever.
Yu — Are you saying that this sounds like the “it is a truth universally accepted …” opening to Pride and Prejudice? Are you meaning to imply that I’m ripping off Jane Austen here or are you meaning to compare me to Jane Austen? I am very confused.
I actually found an effective way of dealing with these kinds of conversations with my mom as they became impossibly frequent. I told her a guy being single and in my age group is no longer acceptable as a set up. She has instructions now to ask just 2 questions:
- Have you ever lived or traveled extensively abroad?
- Do you have a passion outside of work? Dance, sports, anything?
It’s amazing what has happened. First, Mom felt included (always important). Second, my mom is my own personal screener. These are easy, really simple questions to answer (and important to me.. pick your own if you have other criteria) and give a good impression of if I’d get along with the dude or not. She even came to me once and said “Well, this guy seemed like a good idea…but after asking your questions, even his own mother can’t think of something particularly interesting about him. She and I decided maybe you aren’t such a great match after all!”.
I figure if anyone she meets actually ever passes that test, maybe I’ll give him a chance