You look like this guy I know … April 24, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
What do you do when someone you KNOW messages you through a dating site? Send back a chatty, “Hey, remember that night at [The Cigar Bar] when we all listened to that little band?” Or, should I ignore the fact that we have mutual acquaintances and act “surprised” if I end up setting up a coffee date with him. This guy isn’t a close friend, but we’ve met through friends at least once. He definitely was checking out one of my buddies the night we met. He even asked if she had a boyfriend.
The girlfriend I was with that night, we’re kind of opposite types. I’m tall with brown hair and she’s short with blonde. The other differences are harder to pin down, but they are there.
We approach things differently.
She’s a lawyer. I’m a PR girl.
She was drinking Miller. I was sipping white wine.
I mean, he was definitely a nice guy, even if he did check his Blackberry at the bar.
But, sloppy seconds? Knowing that at first glance he went in the opposite direction?
Or, do I assume that it was dark and maybe he didn’t get a good look the first time?
When I was on match.com, one day I literally got “winked” at by a guy I’d dated. FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHS. In fact, in the picture I posted, I was wearing the dress I wore the year he took me to Homecoming. Yes. You heard me right.
Needless to say, he was a really swell guy.
It’s not sloppy seconds, it’s a wide range of tastes.
However, I bet he doesn’t remember you. If you are interested at all, I’d remind him that you’ve met. You may get rejected then, but better not to play that out in person.
If you’re not interested, I’d ignore.
I agree with Jamy’s thoughts. Sometimes we don’t notice the people in front of us until a later date. Your profile caught his eye. I’d go with your first choice of sending back a chatty reminder.
Oh, what the hell. Based on what I’ve been reading here through the online dating site, I think it wouldn’t be any more of a waste of time. (Except that he went for a Miller Lite girl—egads!)
If you’re interested in him, send a light email saying yes and then fill him on the part about recognizing him. I’ve had it happen before as well and he actually laughted over it and we went out and had fun.
i suppose the more important thing is whether you’re even interested in him at all. i would say just say hey even if you aren’t that interested ‘coz he could be nice as a friend as well…
Yeah I’d definitely remind him you met before but meeting up won’t hurt if he’s still up for it.
Men are like buses…one comes along every 10 minutes anyway. Why worry!
What if it’s raining outside and this bus is here now? …a perfectly good bus.
Or it’s hot as hell outside and this ones got the AC cranking.
You could always just get off at the next stop anyway.
I also agree with what Jamy said.
The flirty reminder over email is good. You can both laugh about it.
I wouldn’t assume he went “the opposite direction first.”
But, even if he did, so what? Some guys like all kinds.
I think the important thing is that when he read your profile he was interested in you.
I’d let him know you’ve met and see what he does.
if you flipped the script, he’d probably feel the same way. no one likes to feel like they were second choice. however, i think we pull the same ish all the time when we end up dating our friends. sometimes it takes awhile to warm up to someone, or to be attracted to them. it’s up to you on how damaged you’ll allow your ego to be. but you knew that already.
But is he CUTE?!
Forget sloppy seconds! Too many gorgeous men out there for you to waste time on someone substandard in the first few moments.
I say give him a chance. Who knows? Maybe he was just being a dumb boy that night and you guys could really hit it off… couldn’t hurt could it? He maybe one of those guys who is attracted to all sorts of ‘types’… But that’s just my two cents’ worth…
Dammit I such a freakin’ sap.
I was matched up with one of my brother’s friends on match.com. I cracked up and sent him a “Fancy meeting you here….” type of email.
We joked around a bit but both of us know we aren’t going to date.
If you are interested, respond and remind him because if he walks in and realizes it, and you knew all along, it’s sort of rude.
If not interested, don’t respond.
Let him know that you’ve met before.
Sometimes things just don’t click the first time you meet someone. Haven’t you ever met someone and thought, ‘Hmm, nice guy but that spark just isn’t there,’ and then, six months later after you’ve gotten to know them thought, ‘Wow! How could I have missed it?’
My cousin is married to a guy she hated for the first two months she knew him.
Was the blackberry checking the only negative - the good ones are very few and far between. Go out for coffee, its only coffee and you only live once.
If you think he’s worth your while, why not?
cynical question: was she drunk that night? or was he? because maybe he was just wanting to know if he could hook up w/her that night…..hence him acting interested.
cynical question #2: are you sure that he isn’t trying to contact you in the hopes that he can run into the blonde again? (actually, i dont’ even know if a guy would go to that much effort to talk to a specific girl…
i think that is a good thing to establish first: how interested are YOU? because if he’s fugly or a jerk, this is all moot.
i’ve had this situation happen to me before. met a guy. my friends said he was really into me, but i was not feeling it. time passes. he emails me from match.com. i remembered him, but wasn’t really interested in the guy so i didn’t reply. then i ran into him 5 months later, and he made me feel bad because he hadn’t forgotten the snub! oops! he’s a nice guy, so it just made me look like a jerk! i regret it.
so i say, take a lesson from me, and at least acknowledge the fact that you’ve met. but only go out w/him if you want to date him. i wouldn’t worry about the whole him being into the blonde issue. sure, it’s not ideal, but if it didn’t work out w/the blonde, can you blame him for trying to get back on the horse? he probably sees something in you. at the very least, he probably has good memories of you! and if he didn’t mention the blonde in the email, this is more evidence that she’s in the past and he’s looking for someone different!
in a nutshell, i agree w/dean.