The Second Date June 11, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Note: The first date is recapped here. Read that first if you haven’t already. For context.
The IT Guy asked me out for to a movie on Saturday night. I had plans to get drinks with Southern Belle, but I was genuinely excited about going out with him again. He had suggested seeing “Cars,” but I had little desire to see an animated movie, so he suggested “The Break Up.”
I’m a huge fan of Vince Vaughn, so I was game for seeing this movie and happy to be seeing the IT Guy again. I even cleaned the living room and kitchen of my apartment so that he wouldn’t think I was a slob when he picked me up.
When he arrived, on time, I was slightly underwhelmed by his outfit. I’d worn nice jeans and a brown and pink baby doll-style shirt, high-heeled wedges with a touch of bling. I’d moussed my hair and let it air dry so it was curly and then I’d pinned the front back and glossed my lips. I dressed casually but cute, figuring we’d get coffee or dinner after. Saturday is Date Night, afterall.
He wore tapered jeans, a bar T-shirt and tennis shoes.
I looked past this, even though it made me feel as if he didn’t think the date was important.
We got tickets, waited in a long line for popcorn and drinks and I confessed that I have a huge crush on Vince Vaughn. We joked back and forth about our celebrity crushes and I felt the chemistry from our first date, which made me smile. We found seats the crowded theatre. We talked some during the before feature video they show at the theatre and he talked some during the previews. I assumed he’d quiet down during the actual movie.
I was wrong.
He talked throughout and laughed loudly. Louder than anyone else in the place. You could pick his loud laugh out of the whole crowd. I was mortified. I was at the movie with That Guy.
I pushed this to the back of my mind. He is a nice person and I enjoyed spending time with him and slight annoyances can be ignored, I thought.
The movie was really good – funny but also as realistic as a romantic comedy can be about what actually happens in a break up. Throughout the entire movie, the IT Guy kept saying, “This brings back memories” or “That hits close to home,” particularly during times when the couple would fight.
Now, he is divorced. And I knew this going in. But I’d assumed he was ready to date, seeing as he’d asked me out twice and been out on other dates through the online dating service where we met.
The movie ended. It wasn’t the typical ending you’d expect. Most of my friends who’ve seen it agreed that there were some sad parts, but that it was hardly a depressing movie overall.
We started talking while we waited for the crowd to leave.
“That was rough for me,” he said.
“Excuse me?”
“That movie really hit home for me,” he said.
I looked at him and I could see that his eves were filled with tears. He looked to the side and brushed them away and said nothing about it, I guess because he didn’t think I’d noticed because the credits were still rolling. But I saw the tears and my inner monologue kept yelling, “Red flag! Red flag! Back away from Your Crying Date!”
“Yes, um, break ups are hard,” I said, surveying the theater (and date) for an emergency exit.
He took my hand and held onto it as we exited the theatre. I smiled and wriggled away as we neared the restroom. I excused myself to the ladies room and told him I’d meet him in the lobby.
As soon as the door closed, I reached for my cell and called Southern Belle.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“At the [Wine Bar] downtown,” she said. “How’s your date going?”
“I’ve got to ditch him,” I said.
“That well?” she teased.
“[Southern Belle], he cried during ‘The Break Up,’” I said. “He teared up because he said it ‘hit too close to home.’ He is obviously not over being divorced.”
“He did NOT! You’re lying!”
“I am NOT. He cried. I saw it. He is not over his Ex wife. MY DATE CRIED.”
“You’ve got to get out of there.”
“I know,” I said. “I’ll see you in a half hour for an emergency glass of wine.”
I hung up and looked in the mirror, trying to regain my composure. It was then that I heard the laughter behind me. I turned around to see a group of women who’d overheard my conversation. They were giggling uncontrollably and I’d been so frantically locked in my own world that I hadn’t noticed that I had an audience.
“I am so sorry, I did not mean to eavesdrop,” one woman said. “I shouldn’t laugh. But that is hysterical.”
At first I was annoyed. Then I remembered that I was in public and I’d probably laugh myself if it hadn’t happened to me. I had a chuckle with them and headed out to find my date.
We walked to the car and he continued talking about the movie hitting close to home. I’d hoped my bathroom break had given him a chance to right himself and pick a new topic, other than his divorce.
I was wrong.
“Well, um, I saw Vince Vaughn on Jay Leno and he said that they wanted to make it realistic,” I offered.
“Well, it WAS a bit TOO realistic for me,” he said.
“Yes, um, break ups are hard,” I offered. “But as long as you, um, don’t stay bitter over them, I find that it can, um, be better.” I was rambling. I was terribly uncomfortable. I do my best to keep my neuroses and heartbreaks to myself while on dates, thankyouverymuch. For this exact reason.
“I’ve only had one really bitter break up. In college,” he said.
“Oh?” I said, thinking, “Um, sounds like you’re forgetting your divorce, buddy.”
“Yeah, I burned all of her stuff.”
“Um, um, oh,” I said, thinking, “WHY would you tell me this on a date?”
“Sure did,” he said. “Wanna go get some coffee?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I skipped Girls Night Dinner and, um, I will be kicked out if I, um, don’t meet up with them for drinks.”
He brought me back to my apartment and walked me to the door. I was terribly uncomfortable when he leaned in to kiss me on the lips. I kept my mouth firmly shut and he didn’t and there was an awkward moment when he actually sucked on my tightly clamped lips.
He asked if he could see me again. Without thinking, I said, “Um, just, call me.”
He smiled.
“Great! I won’t call, but I’ll see you online.”
I think I probably would have laughed too if I’d heard that conversation. But when it’s happening to YOU, it’s completely different.
What a bummer! AND trying to kiss your closed lips. Ugh. NOT cool. AND showing up in tennis shoes and cut-offs. Puh-leeze.
NEXT!
Oh, I’m sorry… but bad dates so make for good blogging, don’t they?
You are so lucky (and smart!) to have girlfriends that you can meet out after a date like that!
Next!
Well, at least he knew not to call…he’ll just bother you online, and well that’s what the ignore feature is for, right?
Oh lord.
It’s funny, but in reverse.
I was SO not over my ex, and this guy took me out to see “Love, Actually”.
Yeah.
I just bawled (no, not the cute little tears at the corners of the eyes, flat out weeping) through the entire movie and even had to excuse myself TWICE to try to regain my composure.
Oddly enough, he was very upset when I declined any more dates with him.
Men are weird.
i can’t believe he cried.
but i guess he must have gotten your vibes ‘coz instead of saying he’d call he said he’ll see you online.
Your dating life sounds really terrible:( I hope things get better someday.
I feel your pain but THAT IS JUST TOO FUNNY. In my single days I ditched for waaay less but that certainly was a “ditchable” offense - crying at the BreakUp. I’m still chuckling! If a guy tells you he “burned someone’s clothes” BIG OLE RED FLAG. If the divorce still hurts - the breakup was probably not his idea. This guy has some issues. In the words of Maya Angelou “when a person tells you who he is - believe him”.
Good luck out there and happy weeding though the trenches girl!
Unfortunately, guys tend to jump back into dating prematurely to get over someone and that’s what happens.
The kiss sounded painful. Emergency glass of wine, indeed.
Unfortunately, guys tend to jump back into dating prematurely to get over someone and that’s what happens.
The kiss sounded painful. Emergency glass of wine, indeed.
Ouch. And it sounded so promising… ah well, at least you got that fabulous moment with B out of the whole thing…
He’s probably kicking himself for being retarded. Because he was. Sorry to hear this one won’t go anywhere, but I’m glad you got yourself out there.
Charming, sorry about the date, but it made my Monday all the funnier! Not laughing at you, rather, laughing with you! The sad thing is that he probably thought it would win him points. Hope everything’s getting better!
ughhh. That sucks! Sorry to hear it went so bad.
UGH!! but I have to agree with byron…it made my Monday a tad better…wow…it’s scary what kind of people are actually out there!!! I’m stilling trying to get over the whole crying/burning his ex-gf’s stuff!! WOW!
TOTALLY not ready. Always watch out for the self-deprecating ones!
wow…. sorry to hear the date went bad but atleast you have a good story to tell!!!
Wow, talk about Crash and Burn. He went from like +100 to like 0 in under 2 hours. That totally blows.
10 years later, my girls and I are still laughing at the guy who cried at Mr. Holland’s Opus.
I’m sorry your date sucked, but it made for good blogging.
Yea, it’s me. Sorry you thought I was such a joke. I guess I blew it for a third date then.
See ya.
Oh girl, I commend you. I think I would have been so uncomfortable, I *might* have ditched out sooner. Wow, next one! Keep up with the momentum! You’re getting me motivated!:)
That movie was really depressing! I mean, he sounds weird, and he shouldn’t have cried, or at least let you see him cry… but I was totally in the dumps after seeing that movie…
Cars was way better, I highly reccomend it.
-betsy
And that, as they say, is that.
Seriously? A break up movie on a second date? We need to talk girl.
IT guys can be so sensitive sometimes.
I’ll bet he cries when he masturbates.
you have the funniest date stories. May be we can go out for a drink sometime?
we can each have a story for a post.
OK Hold The Crap on…did you say Tapered jeans? OK RED FREAKIN FLAG GIRLFRIEND! This is NOT 1985…NO NO NO to men in tapered jeans…that is when you should have bailed! *laughing* I am so sorry about your bad date…NEXT!
Rule #1 No Fanny Packs
Rule #2 NO Tapered Jeans!
That was a very funny story!!! Sorry you had to actually live through that. One thing you must know… if he calls or texts or IMs or whatever he might do, you need to be straight with him right away. Tell him it isn’t going to work or he will turn to the stalk side. His “Great! I won’t call, but I’ll see you online.” comment shows he is already leaning that way. Don’t let his feeble brain get carried away.
Jesus.
You’re kidding me!
And then he was wondering about his wife leaving him?
Aghh! Run run! I went out on a date to see Big Fish once, and he started sniffling at the weirdest part. Turned out to be a nutter in the end. Sounds like this guy! Wowwweee
Oh my gosh. Hilarious… but soooo shitty for you! It’s like he doesn’t know how to date.
poor you
Why do guys never stop talking about their past relationships?
Great blog. You’ve been added to my links.
It’s amazing what psycho’s crawl out of the woodwork! And they always seem so nice and normal…
It’s time to see other guys!
a guy once asked me out using the line “and if we end up dating and break up it couldn’t possibly be as bad as my last breakup because that was my divorce where she took everything i owned.”
i politely declined.
Well if it makes you feel any better your blog is great, you made me laugh.
And people wonder why there are so many amazing single women…
That’s a great story! Unfortunately, I laughed out loud at the last line because it sounded too much like myself. =)
the story is not very heart sweeping but quite alright for starters. i just hopes the guys could have left a mark with the girl with the way he kissed her.i’ve got a number of successful and disaster date stories under my belt. dating on webdatedotcom has equipped me with the will to afce men personally after a series of chats. it’s a totally diferent thing when both of your eyes meet face-to-face…
ok, i know you are probably sick of comments on this post by now, but that was truly a heinous date. you definitely have my sympathy. i have never appreciated my boyfriend more.
RUN, girl! RUN!!!!!
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[...] I feel like a bitch. I do not know why this was so hard for me – I think I just saw him as so emotionally vulnerable and I was really worried that I’d upset him. The crying on the date got to me. [...]