Becoming the person she hates June 19, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
I am an evil person. I deserve to have many mean things said of me.
I have been avoiding the IT Guy since our horrible date, during which he cried. And I feel really terrible about it.
I really do. (If I keep saying that it is true, it will be right?)
First I blocked him on my buddy list because I needed to have a strategy when I spoke to him. (”[IT Guy], you are great, but it is obvious that you are not over being divorced. This is too much for me to handle.”) Also, because I was writing and I find it hard to write about someone when they’re saying nice things to me. I’m sure this is a sign that I am conflicted. And I am. I do not want to go out with him again, for sure. But I feel bad for him because he is obviously a nice guy with more baggage than I care to handle.
So, first I blocked him on my buddy list. Just for Sunday, my writing day.
Then, I was having a busy day on Monday. And he called in the middle of the day. I have a firm rule against taking personal calls while at work. Even my mom knows this. My close friends and family have my desk line to call me directly if they need me – calls to my cell during work hours are avoided and typically ignored.
He also didn’t leave a message, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. Unless you’re a good friend or a family member, you leave a message. Because otherwise I can’t know when it is best to call you back or what you want. Say you’re calling to ask me out for a drink after work. How am I to know not to go straight home if you don’t leave me a message? It’s presumptuous to think I’m going to call back someone I do not know well if he or she can’t be bothered to state the reason for his or her call.
So I didn’t unblock him from my buddy list that night. Not because he didn’t leave a voicemail. I didn’t unblock him because I had a long day at work and wasn’t feeling on top of my game. And because his lack of voicemail showed a lack of interest. (Also, did I mention that he cried on our second date?)
So Tuesday came and went about the same way. And on Wednesday he called again and left a very long, very odd message. Something about wanting to talk to me and trying to see if I’d answer my cell and then the rest made such little sense that I couldn’t repeat it if I tried. The day was another long one (are we seeing a pattern here?) and all I really wanted to do was crawl into bed and watch Last Comic Standing and rest up. So he remained blocked.
Thursday night I had dinner with B and Friday night I went out downtown with some friends. Saturday I did laundry and Sunday was a family day.
My point? I should have just talked to him. Because now he knows I’m avoiding him and so I’m the bitch who is going to be like, “Yeah, I’ve had a really long week at work, but that’s not why I didn’t call you back, you crier, you.” Because we all know that if he were a stomach flipper who made my knees weak, I would’ve called him back Monday after work, even without him leaving a message. Because Robert’s Rules of Order don’t matter when you like the guy.
Part of me feels as if I owe him an explanation. Part of me doesn’t. We just went out twice, right? But on that note, he bought me coffee, a sushi dinner with wine, tickets to a movie and movie snacks. Not that I didn’t offer to split with him.
Once a guy has spent more than two drinks worth of money on me, I start to feel a little beholden to him. No, I do not buy into the “paying for dinner means you owe me sex” mentality. No way. Hell no. But if you let a guy take you on two dates and pay and then decide you don’t want to see him again, is it only fair that you let him down gently, instead of dropping off of the face of the earth? Wouldn’t I be sitting here lashing out at a guy who did the same to me?
Is it hypocritical of me to ignore him? Or does the fact that he cried and talked about his ex-wife too much negate any responsibility I had to tell him why he doesn’t get a third date? (Lord knows guys have not called me for less.)
Is all of this moot, seeing as it has been more than a week and he surely knows I’m avoiding him?
You should just tell him the truth.. He’s obviously not over his divorce and definitely not ready to date yet.. He’s a nice guy and all but the whole thing made you a little uncomfortable (okay, VERY uncomfortable but you don’t have to tell him THAT).. You weren’t sure what to make of the whole thing or how to deal with it (plus you had a very busy week).. (I just did a CliffsNote of your post, see?)..
Don’t wait too long to get back to him, though; that’s just gonna make things worse..
You called him “Crier”, rmaotf.
The entire post was working the sypathetic bone in me and in the end you stand over his crumpled body and deliver a stiking smack to his cheek!
“Get off your knees you ‘Crier’ and knuckle up. You’re crying!”
You’re being wayyyyyyyyyy too nice. Start being a little selfish and doing what’s best for YOU. Nice people are sometimes TOO selfless, and it’s not entirely wrong to back it up a bit and put yourself at #1. Take care of YOU. Don’t worry about HIM.
Yeah, I agree with marie. Even if it’s by email (although I think a phone call would be better) just tell him you don’t want to see him anymore. There’s no rule that says you have to go into great detail as to why. A simple, “just not feeling it” would suffice.
Good luck. Doesn’t dating suck?
Okay…I’m prolly gunna sound like a bitch but o’well, right?
hehe
I say forget it…he’s got the point…it’s been a week after all. If he doesn’t get it by now then…well…that’s just sad..very sad. Second…yeah…he CRIED!! He should have gotten it then and there!
I would have done the same thing…so at least you know that you aren’t alone in what you did
Good luck
Uuugh..tough spot, but I have a feeling he’s finally caught on to the whole “you’re avoiding me” vibe. So, doing anything at this point might be moot…unless, he bites the stalker bullet and calls you one more time…and maybe, if you feel like it, you can get out of the situation entirely by saying either a.) you have become really too busy at work/life that dating anyone right now just isn’t an option, or b.) you can lay it all out there and tell him that maybe he’s not the right fit for you and that that stuff he’s going through really isn’t anything you want to be dealing with.
*shudder* I don’t envy you–GOODLUCK, lady
Next! That’s what I say. I think you’re loosing sight of exactly how rude of him it was to take you on two dates and bring his ex-wife up in conversation several times. You just don’t do stuff like that. Furthermore, it was completely selfish of him to put you in a position where you essentialy had to console and comiserate with him over his failed marriage. You guys went on two dates, the second one sucked (and he seemed to realize that at it’s conclusion) AND he left you a bizzare voice mail (The Kiss of Death). That’s all the explanation he needs.
At least he didn’t pull what my date did on date #4. I just stopped all communication with him because he deserved that much.
The Crier, he’s at least been nice. But you really should let him know that you aren’t sure he’s over the divorce. If anything you’ll save him and some unsuspecting girls in the future some heartache.
At least he didn’t pull what my date did on date #4. I just stopped all communication with him because he deserved that much.
The Crier, he’s at least been nice. But you really should let him know that you aren’t sure he’s over the divorce. If anything you’ll save him and some unsuspecting girls in the future some heartache.
explaining that you’re not interested because he’s obviously not over his ex won’t do the job. just tell him you’re not interested. otherwise you’ll give him the opening to bargain with you.
“no, i am over her. i swear. go out with me one more time. please.”
ick.
C’mon now. You know what you should have done. I’m very disappointed in you.
I hate to sound so self righteous. But, he cried and the fact that you were temp. avoiding him means that you can’t handle a guy crying, especially on a second date. I mayself sometimes go back and forth on whether not people deserve an explanation. My first reaction is no, they don’t. But just remember if you every want the same courtesy extended to you and the dating gods to be in your favor you might want to call. Just a suggestion.I’m really not one to talk, especially once you’ve read my blog.
I would just send him an e-mail, or unblock him at a strategic moment (late at night, when it’s obvious you are about to go to bed and therefore won’t be making excuses when you say you have to go), and say that you’re sorry that things didn’t work out, but you just don’t think you guys are suited to each other.
Or possibly, I would not do anything, feel guilty for a while, and then forget about it. Life isn’t easy. We all get dirt kicked in our eyes, and doing the kicking from time to time is painful too. I take comfort in thinking that possibly those who kicked dirt in my face probably didn’t enjoy it either.
I’d just talk to him so it’s done and you have closure. And he does too. Just something simple, quick and to the point. Could you email him? That way you don’t have to “get into it” with him.
This isn’t like you Charming—normally you are very good with following up. I know the crying threw you for the loop, but honestly, you are no longer digging him, so buckle down and friggin tell him already! That way you can stop all this angst. Do it NOW. Stop putting it off. It obviously was on your mind all week. Do you want to be thinking about Crier when you could be thinking about those fab shoes you saw at Sak’s the other day?
I agree with those who say give him an explanation. True, he was rude to lay his hang ups on you, but he did just go through a divorce and obviously it was not a mutual decision. Being purposely ignored is so painful. I’m sure we can all attest to that. Do unto others, as they say!!!
It probably would be best just to e-mail him, though.
Good luck and let us know what you decide to do!
Wow, I don’t like criers. Too sensitive and emotionally affected. Loved this story!!!
Email might not be the preferred method of communicating such things, but given the circumstances, it’s totally what I’d go for… a quick “You’re great, but I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who isn’t over their previous relationship… thanks for the sushi” would probably do the trick, and give him the option to bow out gracefully and just never respond… which is prolly what you’d prefer anyway, n’est pas?
Give him the respect that anyone deserves and let him know why you aren’t interested in dating him anymore.
Granted, he cried on the second date. It seems a bit premature, but be honest, if something that you saw hit really close to home and you were with someone that you maybe felt comfortable around, you might shed a few tears too.
For some people divorce is like a death. Even though it is over and you have worked through the issues, sometimes something happens that brings it back to the surface.
It is a strange dichotomy. Women want someone who is sensitive, who will hold us when we cry, who should know intuitively how we are feeling. We say that we desire a nice man who is in touch with his feminine side and can do things that you enjoy even if they are girly.
Then we see a man who is sensitive and thinks that it is OK to show that side of him and he is called a cry baby and is basically labeled as weak or someone who has too much baggage.
You will never know why it happened unless you talk to him.
You are taking the cowards way out and you will probably regret it unless you put on your brave face and deal with it in a mature manner.
How would you feel if someone did this to you?
Me personally, I would have been more annoyed with the laughing and talking during the movie than the crying. He may not have movie ettiquette down, but at least you know that he still has a working heart.
this is why i am always more than willing to say “ok, this isn’t working. let’s just stop here. nice knowing you. good luck out there.”
it makes you feel like a turd, but you get it overwith. like pulling off a band-aid.
you don’t owe him really anything other than a polite, yet brief phone call or email. don’t give any reasons–just say “this isn’t working out.” leave it at that. then get off the phone asap.
and just because he’s a nice guy doesn’t mean you should be dating him. aren’t you looking for mr. wonderful, not mr. nice-but-has-baggage?
although, the bad kiss would have been enough to get the ol’ heave-ho from me. yecccch! instant deal breaker.
amateur sex hot dating
amateur on amateur porn movies
sexie amateur sex amateur masturbating
squirt amateur young american porn
all amateur amateur gay anal fisting
thai teen amateur pics movie hentai
nice amateur free picture gay european
thai pei teen amateur galleries asian girls
amateur on sex ass hot sluts wife
amateur virginia beach avril lavigne ass
amateur interview press river choice sex paine hard cock
sexie amateur earl young sex slaves
shoes amateur bdsm videos
amateur clothes top cannes topless beaches
amateur brazilian sex pics
fucking sexy amateur movie hentai brunette