How to lose a girl in 10 seconds September 7, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Saturday evening I met a pal up at a bar for a drink. I’d actually been to this bar three weeks in a row and I’d noticed that there was a guy who was checking me out, including when I was having drinks with On Paper*.
Saturday was no exception – this same guy was giving me The Eye from across the bar. He’d smile and say hello, but he seemed a bit shy to come over and talk to me.
I was giving off the right signals, I thought. I wanted Shy Guy to come say hello and have a drink with me, but having a female friend there probably wasn’t helping my case. By the end of the night I was facing him completely as I’d turned my back to this other man who would NOT leave me alone. He stood obnoxiously close to our barstools and blatantly moved to come sit next to me. He introduced himself, I was polite and shook his hand, but he was awkward and dorky and unable to hold my interest.
So, my friend had a boy meet her and they decided to head home. I planned to finish my beer and do the same, but I told them not to wait for me, as I was hoping Shy Guy would come say hello since I’d be alone.
Sure enough, he did. I was immediately underwhelmed when he told me that he was 41, since that’s not my age demographic, but we talked for a little while. He gave me his number and I called his cell so that he would have mine. I was thinking coffee or dinner one night with an older man might be good for me.
The bar neared closing time and I was ready to head home when Shy Guy asked a very forward question – “Where are we continuing this conversation?”
“I don’t know about you, I’m but I’m going home to bed. Alone,” I said firmly. “It would be terribly inappropriate for you to come.”
He seemed a bit dejected, but offered to walk me to my car. I didn’t really need an escort as I was parked right up front, but I accepted.
When Shy Guy got me to my car and gave me a hug, he immediately went in for a kiss and a grab. I twisted from his grasp and got into my car as he asked for me to follow him home. And then he said, “Or I’ll just follow you home.”
Having none of it, I said, “No. Just call me at a more appropriate hour.”
As I pulled out of the parking lot, I wondered what I’d do if he followed me. So I waited until he’d turned out and I turned and went the other directions, traveling away from my apartment while I called B on the phone. I talked to B for a few minutes while I watched for Shy Guy’s car. Not seeing it, I hit the Interstate to take the long way home.
Shy Guy called twice on my way home and then three times after I was safely in my bed, in my gated complex, behind a deadbolt, door chain and locked bedroom door – just for good measure. I never answered and don’t plan to if he ever calls again.
Overreacting on my part? Maybe. But gentlemen, you should know that crazy doesn’t get the ladies.
* FYI: “On Paper” is the new name for The Crier, because I feel like second chances deserve better nicknames.
Ooh! That is a little too stalker like for me. I wouldn’t answer his calls either
I would actually answer his call if he calls again and tell him that you are not interested because he was too forward and ask him not to call you again. I don’t like to leave people hanging, even if they are wacky.
Just read your last two Posts, Sounds likeyou made the right decision. Havent seen you online reciemtly, hope a11 is well.
all* (damn tablet PC)
That is a stalker wait to happen.
See! there is something wrong with me! I would call! what the hell talk to him .. see what he has to say …. but then again I might be a loco myself!!
Good luck! and i’m so glad you are back!! don’t you ever leave us again!!
Definitely NOT overreacting. PSYCHO!!
Silvs — You’d call him? REALLY? Hmmmmmm. Maybe I’m feeling extra hot because I’ve been hit on a lot lately, but he seemed like potential restraining order material to me …
Yeah… I think you did the right thing. You never know with some people….
Only two words are needed to sum up this guy:
NUT. JOB.
I agree with the others - you definitely did the right thing.
Yeeeck! I agree with everyone else here. That guy has problems.
Um… yeah, CREEPY! A girl’s gotta be safe, and if that means blowing off a potnetially nice guy b/c he’s acting sketchy, then so be it. Kudos on how you handled the situation.
You did exactly the right thing 1) by being willing to step gingerly out of your demographic in the first place, and then 2) by knowing when someone was behaving inappropriately and putting a firm stop to it. I definitely would not answer his future calls if I were you.
Well played all around!
i don’t know… maybe he just really wanted to know that you got home safe? i probably would have dropped him a text or at least answer his next call… assuming it’s at an appropriate hour…
creeeeeeepy. it’s an experience like that that can make a girl want a brash guy rather than shy guy from the start - at least then you know what you’re dealing with from the get-go.
Aaa!
Yeah. I hear you. I once dated a guy who, about a month into the relationship, took me to his house by a lake and then while we were looking at the scenery, said, “You know, you don’t know me all that well. I could have taken you out here to kill you. (pause) I’m not going to though.”
Oh so reassuring.
Yeah ..”Jo” is right. He is older. And you are way younger. He saw you might like him and was flatter wanted to know you were safe, I would talk to him .. a few times (not meet him) just test the waters you would know better after you speak to him if he is a nut.
I have dated a few older guys .. and they are very attentive .. they call to see if you got home ok … It’s different!!
I would talk to him .. give him a chance .. It’s just 10 cents a call ..
(i’m a New yorker no one, scares)
One call to make sure you got home ok is fine; he could just leave a message saying that’s what he wanted. But FIVE calls? And trying to force the issue of going home with him after you’ve already made it clear you’re not interested in that? Sorry buddy, Creepy is as creepy does.
You did the right thing, Charming. He seems either desperate or creepy, and you don’t need either.
Ew…creepy nutjob stalker psycho. If he keeps calling answer once and tell him to stop.
This is why he is single at 41… Really sorry that happen to you.
Good gut instinct on waiting for him to drive off… It’s a good thing it wasn’t one of those nights when you had one too many.
just plain creepy. does not deserve an explanation especially since he went in for a grab!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i would be freaked out. good job though
That guy is a big fat negative! Good for you!
I agree with erica - if he wanted to know that you got home safe, he could have just left a message. He doesn’t just sound creepy, he sounds like a borderline rapist. You said no how many times and he still “joked” that he might follow you home?
You were correct to be careful
Yikes - you’ve got a good head on your shoulders Charming. At best the guy was just overly persistent trying to get some and even then he didn’t get the hint which is so unattractive.
Great to see a flurry of posts after your break!
Yuck. He needs to get slated for “call block” pronto.
seriously. “Or I could follow you home”?? Highly makes me doubt he called you five times just to make sure you got home safely, and even if that is the case… what are you, three years old? Signs that even if you did date him, he would get all overbearing and overprotective and fatherly on you. Ew.
hmmm. My concern is that if you’ve seen him there three times, that you’ll see him there again, for sure. Dodging the phone calls could create some anymosity there.
I’d consider answering one of his calls (should he call again, of course) and say that while you were happy to meet him, he came on too strong for your taste, and that made you uncomfortable. That you don’t think you’d be able to work past that feeling, and that you wish him luck in meeting someone that he’ll click with.
That way, it’s not outright insulting, but you can state that you’re not interested, not going to be interested, and that he should move on.
Just my thoughts - but just like the whacky panhandlers downtown, I’ve found that if you’re politely firm in declining, it’s more effective than just ignoring. Ignoring seems to just egg them on. gah!
I agree with Vino. If he’s that aggressive, then he’s probably easily provoked.
Just from a safety point of view, it might be best to just cut him off at the pass especially if he’s still contacting you.
What a creep. Some guys just don’t get it.
I agree with Vino. If he’s that aggressive, then he’s probably easily provoked.
Just from a safety point of view, it might be best to just cut him off at the pass especially if he’s still contacting you.
What a creep. Some guys just don’t get it.
this almost sounds like an page out of Swingers the movie. did the creepy stalking man even leave a message in one of his calls at inappropriate times of the evening/early morning?
he doesn’t need a phone call to tell him that you’re not interested. he needs to have his head examined.
Your instincts were so right. And why would you need to call the guy at all - you already told him face-to-face - that you weren’t interested. He should get the message. I know so many women who called a guy “just to be nice” and ended up with a psycho stalker on their hands. You did the right thing. In cases like this, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Very messed up. Hell, I’m a guy, and if a woman acted like that, it would freak me out.
From shy guy to stalker guy in under 20 seconds..that must be some kind of new record.
Hi There,
I hope I speak for all the Shy Men out there when I say, he was not shy but probably does that every night to girls who come into that particulat bar.
Most guys would have just been pleased to have got your number!
Readers of your blog may also be intersted in my blog on Speed Dating. Why not come and take a look at http://speedatingnews.blogspot.com/
Cheers
LOL… why does crazy turn off the girls but guys seem to love the crazy ones?
Yeah you did the right thing covering your trail. Just in case you might want to change your identity and have some plastic surgery! lol… ok kidding but seriously it’s better safe than sorry.
Are you surprised he made those moves after drinking in a singles bar? just wondering
Thanks
Simon
Hmmm…. this inspires me to write my own blog. How to pick up a chick
in ten seconds…
[...] 23rd, 2007 Thank you, CharmingButSingle, for inspiring this blog. In this day and age, it can be intimidating for men to get into the dating world, in a proactive [...]