He’s alive! (And shopping at my grocery store.) September 24, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Sunday afternoon I was minding my own business, shopping at the Pricey Fancy Grocery Store near my house. I try to avoid doing much grocery shopping at a place that has such reasonably priced wares as $8 bottles of maple syrup, $6 loaves of sandwich bread and $19 a pound mushrooms, for obvious financial reasons. But I love the smells and the tastes and so I sometimes splurge on Rosemary Sourdough bread and fancy cheese and the best damn salad bar in the world. Just because.
I was dressed for the grocery store, wearing those jeans I wear when I’m not out to impress anyone – they slide down my hips a bit and they’re a touch too short to wear with heels – and a T-shirt from a football game in 2000 (I swear, there’s a date on it), with flip flops and my hair in a messy bun and no make-up whatsoever. I was there for goat cheese, not socializing.
I’m shuffling through the aisles and getting some veggies from the salad bar and I look up and there he is. The Nurse. I wasn’t sure it was him until he looked up and I made eye contact with him, the guy who gave me butterflies and then took them away without reason or explanation or apology.
Now, I’m not saying that there’s a right time to run into the most recent man to drop off of the face of the earth and reject you, because there isn’t. (Though I did have this fantasy involving me in a short dress with shiny hair on the arm of a Hot Doctor, but it was immature and unrealistic.) But Sunday, when I was in my crappy Around the House clothes with my crappy Around the House hair, I couldn’t think of a less right time to see The Nurse. Couldn’t I have least been in my nice jeans or in a cute shirt with cleavage? And brushed hair and lip gloss?
I don’t know why I care about looking unkempt for someone who’s seen me first thing in the morning with bad breath and worse hair. And while in my fantasy I walked up to him with my stilettos clicking to punctuate each step and sexily say hello, in the cold hard reality of my grocery store nightmare, I rolled my eyes and headed quickly down the center aisle and away from the salad bar, past a case of frozen edamame, around to an aisle of fancy root vegetable chips. I flipped open my cell and called friends until The Lawyer* answered.
I kept the conversation peppy as I checked out and loaded my bags into the car, but as soon as I was safely alone in my car, I spilled the beans.
“[The Nurse] was in the store. I just saw him and he saw me and he hasn’t talked to me in weeks and he just saw me and IT WAS NOT GOOD,” I said, describing my old T-shirt and jeans and the pint of Ben and Jerry’s resting in my basket. “And so I had to be on the phone with SOMEONE to distract me.”
The Lawyer commiserated with me and offered up this suggestion, “Maybe it wasn’t him?”
“Maybe, but no, we made eye contact, I’m pretty sure it was him,” I said as I put the car in reverse and drove through the parking lot. I turned down the next row, heading to the street. And The Nurse was walking toward me with an older-looking woman and I had to laugh.
“It is definitely him,” I told The Lawyer. “And he just saw me. He is walking in my direction looking at me in my car driving right by him. And he’s with a woman, but he’s not being affectionate. So it could be his mom or something.”
I paused.
“I could run him over.”
She persuaded me against this choice and said, “You know I bet he calls you this week.”
I just laughed because I knew this would never happen.
“You laugh,” she said. “But boys forget. And now that he’s soon you, he’ll remember.”
I appreciated her sweetness, but knew she could never be serious.
BFE called me later and I told her about seeing The Nurse.
“God, what was he doing in MY NEIGHBORHOOD,” I fumed. “That store is three minutes from MY HOUSE. He lives a ways away. There is another PERFECTLY GOOD grocery store near HIS HOUSE.”
She laughed.
“I mean, this is CLEARLY my grocery store,” I continued.
“CLEARLY,” she agreed.
“I should have run him over when I had the chance.”
“Nah,” she said. “Messy.”
* Things with The Lawyer are fine now, thanks for asking.
Personally, and this is probably just a “me” thing, but I hate seeing ex’s when they’re dressed down. It reminds me of all the morning after’s, which remind of me of all the nights before and how good they were and so on… Seeing them dressed up doesn’t affect me the same way. If he did see you, you should hope he’s thinking of you that way…he’ll remember what he’s missing then!
UGH…UGH…UGH!!! I HATE seeing exs when I look like crap…and no matter what happens they always seem to catch you on THOSE days…ugh…I would have done the exact same thing…actually…I HAVE done the exact same thing…with the whole phone call thing
hehe
My fantasy ex meeting generally involves me LOOKING dressed down, but being secretly hot… sloppy bun is actually HOT, who cares jeans actually accentuate the ass… this is a fantasy on so many levels.
I’m with the Lawyer, I bet he calls this week.
YUP! he is going to call. He is going to want to make sure you saw him and make sure you still have butterflies for him ..
Jk (I think)
Hey, if you are interested, give me his pic, I know the Italians in Brooklyn
Even if he does call, do you want to be with someone, who, as you said, dropped off the face of the earth for no reason?
I did that once, because I was lonely. And in the end, it still didn’t work out.
You do not give the impression of a lonely woman - moreso a strong, confidant one.
I say forget him and move on to better men. They are out there - but as I’m finding out, you may have to wait awhile for them.
And that’s ok. They’re worth it.
He had to feel like a dork if he ran into you at the store with his mom.
He may or may not call. Since he left things hanging in the air, there’s a good chance he might.
For some reason it seems so many guys think that it doesn’t burn their bridges as badly or at all if they just “forget.”
You can and will do better.
He may or may not call. Since he left things hanging in the air, there’s a good chance he might.
For some reason it seems so many guys think that it doesn’t burn their bridges as badly or at all if they just “forget.”
You can and will do better.
I am going through the same thing of the wonderful “disappearing act”. Why do guys feel the need to slink away to avoid the talk of this isn’t going to work, I have a lot going on, etc. Be a flipping man…and The Nurse my friend was not a man! Unless he has a really great excuse when he calls…forget about him!
i HATE seeing a guy i used to date… especially if it didn’t end well… just last week i saw a guy i used to date. and then during the week, my dad saw him. that was too crazy. oh and he didn’t call… not that i care ‘coz i’m really glad he didn’t.
I’m going out on a limb with this one, but I have to say…who the hell cares?
He’s doing what ever he’s doing and so are you.
Deliberating on if he saw you and if he cares is just a waste of your precious time.
Sure, having someone never call you back sucks, but surely you’ve done that to others.
It’s not a major insult, it’s simply insecurity.
Time is passing.
Use yours wisely.
(yeah, I know. That’s easy to say from over here, but believe me. I know whereof I speak.)
Tai — Just for the record, I have never dated and slept with someone for more than a month and just stopped calling them for no reason … because that’s crappy and unfair to do to a person. So I think I am well within my rights to be pissed off.
Also, if I didn’t obsess about little things, there would be no blog. Duh. ;P
I’m curious why didn’t you get to know him more before you crawled in bed with him? You might not be in this position then. As far as I understand you gave him the upper hand by being putty in his hands and he was allowed to do anything to you by his standards without feeling guilt. It may be crappy and unfair but it’s his choice.
Don´t work yourself up about someone who has done you wrong. I mean that´s not the kind of guy you´d want to be with anyway, right?
Ouch! I completely disagree with Tai and the prince. It is just evil for men to pull a disappearing act on a woman after they have been intimate for a month. I really liked the advice they gave in the book He’s Just not that into you - when a woman wrote in to say that her boyfriend disappeared on her, Greg replied that he knew exactly what had happened - She had been dating the worst person in the world.
As to the Prince’s comment, you hoped that the nurse was a better person than he actually was. I’ve certainly made that mistake and gotten hurt too.
Feel Better!
Last I checked, prince, it took 2 people to “crawl into bed.” The nurse had just as much responsibility in the matter.
The nurse presented himself as something he clearly is not. It might be his choice, but it doesn’t mean she can’t be upset or write about it in her blog.
Last I checked, prince, it took 2 people to “crawl into bed.” The nurse had just as much responsibility in the matter.
The nurse presented himself as something he clearly is not. It might be his choice, but it doesn’t mean she can’t be upset or write about it in her blog.
First off, I don’t feel bad about anything I did with The Nurse, except for when I tried too hard when it was obvious he was over the whole thing. Would I handle things differently? Of course. Hindsight is always 20/20.
That said, I don’t think the outcome would have been any different had I refused to let things get physical. He obviously wasn’t interested in dating me. And I resent the idea that somehow I “gave in” to him. Like he somehow coerced me. As a woman with needs and wants, I make my own choices. I chose to be with him because that was something I wanted. Yes, he ultimately screwed me over and acted like he was intrested in dating me when he wasn’t. But this idea that I was tricked into sleeping with him because I thought he’d be my boyfriend … totally false. I never thought he’d call me again after we were first together, and he did. We went out many times after that and were together many times after that, so it was hardly a pouncing on innocent prey kind of thing …
Also, “crawling into bed?” Judge not lest you be judged yourself, my friend.
You go girl — “crawling into bed” ?? fuck anyone who dares judge. We want casual sex just as much as men do. It makes my blood boil when men DARE judge us for doing so. Charming, I love you.
Prince’s comment made me gag.
Okay, I’ve been so worried abt running into an ex recently (hasn’t happened (YET?) but never stops me for worrying, and the phone-call story gave me a future saving-face strategy.
I feel for you- I’d have wanted to be dressed up too, and on the arm of some gorgeous guy, but hey, he was with his mum, so. . .
take care
mm
I had a guy do that to me. And later on, when I did see him I looked like crap too. But I MADE him talk to me. He was very uncomfortable. And honestly, watching him squirm, especially when I asked certain questions, made me feel much better.
I like the thought about running him over. heehee
rock on! screw the nurse. live your life!
I ran into an ex one time- but I looked fantastic. He called a week later and began dating again (he ‘courted’ me dang it!). And then we realized why we broke up in the first place.
It would have been a good idea to run him over
I “run into” an ex via email from time to time. Luckily never IRL. I wouldn’t know what to say. As it is in email I just the regular “hope all is well” crap. I just wish he’s stop saying, call me sometime. Stupid men - you want to talk to me, call me yourself!
The Nurse is an idiot. I hope he calls so you can tell him as much!
Anonymous : As to the Prince’s comment, you hoped that the nurse was a better person than he actually was. I’ve certainly made that mistake and gotten hurt too.
Completely true everyone hopes that the people around oneself are better than they probably are. How many times have you been disappointed by people before though? This should make people much more wary and protective of their feelings. Right?
As for those throwing around the word ‘judge.’ I may want sex but I have yet to fall for lust or casual relations. After I commit that act then I will no longer be as critical of people who have partook. I wasn’t trying to judge merely give advice. If you don’t like being hurt than you should be very careful about those you let into your life.
Rosie, it’s nice to know that you speak for all women and that you think empowerment is becoming what many women despise about men. A slut. This is under the assumption that the casual sex is frequent.
Prince:
Maybe you didn’t mean to sound judgemental, but that’s exactly how it came out. It is clear that you have some different values than the writer of this blog and many of its readers. Perhaps it would be best if we respect each other’s differences rather than make accusations as to what anyone did “wrong.” Just b/c you think it may be “wrong” to “fall for lust” doesn’t mean that everyone must abide by your rules. We each get to live our own life, in the way we choose.
You seem to make this assumption that if Charming had never slept with The Nurse then she wouldn’t have gotten hurt… which seems kind of ludicrous to me. If you spend over a month dating someone, whether you sleep together or not, and this person all of a sudden blows you off, it’s going to sting. Why is it that you’re accusing Charming of making the mistakes here, instead of pinning the blame where it belongs– on the guy who was a bastard and couldn’t at least be honest?
Charming- the unexpected meeting or seeing of the Ex isn’t fun…I say just chalk it up to experience and move on as best you can. I have said it before that you can do better. Don’t listen to these idiots when it comes to the choices you make involving your needs and wants. Your a strong, mature, confident women that can do what she pleases. If you get bitten in the end it sucks, but it’s all a learning process that everyone deals with. Keep your head up. And know that all will be better with time, and the next time you see him (if you ever do) you’ll be in that sexy outfit with the better guy on your arm. And you won’t even think about him.
This made me laugh bc I’m getting ready to go to the grocery store and decided to actually dry my hair instead of just pulling it back “just in case.”
I refuse to feed the troll any further.
Charming - one time I read “The Rules.” Stupid book, BTW. I wanted to put it in the blender. But I seem to remember one of the rules was to never leave the house not lookin’ good!
lol
I figure if I run into someone when I am not at my sexiest and they don’t like it, that is their problem, not mine.
So far, when I have run into someone from the past by accident, my first thought WAS NOT, “Ooh! They look disgusting!!” I usually think they look good - as they always did when I knew them before.
Probably guys think the same thing about us.
Hee. This reminded me of this post. Sorry if you’re not a cat person
Um, WHAT??? Ok, i read this post, but apparently was distracted before i had a chance to comment. i am a total space cadet.
what i meant to say last week was:
1. this is why my mom always tells me to look good every time i leave the house! she always says i’ll never know if i’m going to run into a hottie or an ex!
2. you probably know how it feels to ignore this advice….and have probably vowed to heed it from this day forward.
3. this situation has happened to every girl in every country throughout time. you are in good company. my story? i was in my PJs, with dirty bar-hair, no bra. makeup was from the night before. i was buying cigarettes at 9am. in slippers. my crush was looking smokin’ hot, filling up his gas tank. and he saw me. faaaaabulous.(and no, he never did ask me out. i blame my PJs.)
4. i bet he calls too. they always do that!!! it’s so annoying. FedSucksy called me, too. i think it is how guys work….i wish someone would explain this to me. apparently they don’t think about us unless they see us. typical visual beings.
UPDATE YOUR FUCKING BLOG
It’s obvious he was stalking you.
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