After 26 years, she HAS learned something October 21, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Friday night, after a grueling work week, I did my best to drag my tired self out of bed and into the shower so I could go out. I’d sent out an e-mail to some pals telling them I wanted to go out and I wasn’t letting a 13-hour work day and plans to work all day Saturday keep me from a glass of Evolution No. 9. Not now.
Not ever.
I ditched the black dress I was planning to wear in favor of an outfit I love – jeans, my favorite boots and a silky maroon top with an empire seam right below my bust line. Topped with a cute shrug if it is cold. This is one of my favorite go-to outfits for a casual cute night out.
An hour later, Prom Date picked me up and we headed to my favorite downtown wine bar. Love the wine and atmosphere, hate the pretentiousness of having to wait for a table or a couch or an ottoman. All of the tables are marked “reserved” and two men alternate stopping you at the door and keeping you from just sitting – they even went so far as to put a “Reserved” sign up as we were paying our tabs later that night, just to make sure no one took our table when we left.
But the wine is good, the place is relaxing and kind of hip and it is smoke-free, which my recent throat surgery having self really appreciates.
Prom Date and I caught up and were joined by his younger cousin. The three of us joked around and after two glasses of wine and a few chance meetings with a couple of friends and acquaintances from years ago, Prom Date and I headed to a cigar bar for another drink before bed. (This bar has a pretty good ventilation system for a cigar bar and the smoke doesn’t seem to stay in the bar for very long.)
The cigar bar is a favorite of The Blackberry, who may or may not live in the attic of the bar, judging from how much he is there. I had seen him a few weeks before (didn’t write about it) and we’d actually had a normal conversation. He wasn’t terribly drunk as he’d been a few weeks prior and all was well. We’d messaged back and forth a few times later and that was that.
I settled in on a leather couch with Prom Date, who gleefully lit a cigar and ordered a gin and tonic. I celebrated my long week with a cosmo. We were talking about work when the Blackberry came through the doorway of the back room where the band was playing and into the quieter room where we were drinking.
He took one look in our direction and made a beeline to me. He barely grazed by Prom Date and slid in next to me on the couch. Kiss on the cheek, arm on the shoulder in less than a minute, clearly a record of some sort.
He was in full flirting mode. Prom Date kept giggling and giving me these looks as the Blackberry teased me and checked me out and commented on how soft my hair was. (As it should have been, what with the deep conditioning, the pin straight mousse, the pin straight shine spray, the hair spray and the Brilliant Brunette shine cream. But I digress.)
“You have to come dance with me,” he said. “You must.”
I giggled and motioned to my full cosmo, which was clearly not dance floor appropriate. And I crossed my legs and The Blackberry looked down at my high heeled boots and was taken aback. He called them sexy and asked me to dance again.
I declined again and he excused himself to the back to the listen to the band. Prom Date and I had barely had a chance to gossip about him when he returned, more persistent this time. He convinced Prom Date to watch my drink and me to join him for a dance. And even though I was clearly not in the mood, his earnestness was endearing and I took him up on the offer, wobbly sexy boots and all.
I don’t remember the first song we danced to, but the second was “What’s going on” by Marvin Gaye. He was completely uninhibited on the dance floor and I still can’t decide if he was being silly or if he is equally earnest with his dancing style. He twirled me around and rested a hand on my hip. He was into me. Bad.
A woman he introduced as his ex-girlfriend told me that he was a keeper. I smiled and tried not to break my ankle in my heels. After our second dance he leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips. And I led us back to the other room, unsure of how I felt.
He introduced another female patron as an ex-girlfriend and I began to wonder if he’d dating every woman in the place and if he’d ever bothered to go to another bar in town. There are many.
As the evening wore on, his flirtations continued. As I excused myself for yawning because I was tired and we paid our tab, he said, “So, your place?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re place. Is right across the street, right?”
“Yes.”
“So, let’s go.”
“I’m going to go. But alone. I need to get to bed because I have to work tomorrow.”
“So?”
“So, I’m going to sleep. Alone.”
“I’ll wake you up nice and early.”
“I’m sorry. I’m leaving alone.”
He seemed playfully hurt.
“You’re really rejecting me?” he asked.
“I’m just saying that I’m going home alone,” I said, trying to be diplomatic.
He gently argued a bit and I was firm in return.
“I’m not going to randomly do that.”
“You call this random?”
He was referring to the months of missed connections. The Match.com. Seeing me out with Prom Date. Making an ass out of himself drunk. Being a gentleman the next time we hung out.
“I’m going home alone. Because there is a process.”
“A process.”
“Yeah, like dinner,” Prom Date chimed in. He was ready to go home.
I stood up and The Blackberry gave me a hug and tried to kiss me for real this time. I gave him a peck on the lips again.
“You’re really leaving alone?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I reached into my purse and fished out my business card. As I pressed it into his hand, I said, “Because there is a process.”
And I turned on my heel and walked out.
That was very admirable work. The problem with the Process, though, is that the guys we really like seem to manage to dodge the process without us noticing. And then more often than not, disappear…
But it’s worth trying to stick to it as much as possible!
Good girl, bravo. Precisely the right thing to do, if he’s really into you he’ll be persistent for longer than a few hours.
It takes a very strong girl to stand up to a very persistent man - especially after a couple of glasses of wine. I’m VERY impressed!!!
Very intrigued to see whether he decides to follow the process or not…
A woman he introduced as his ex-girlfriend told me that he was a keeper.
the irony in this sentence is too much to go unnoticed.
honey, if he’s such a keeper, why didn’t you keep him?
Good for you!
To be completely fair, I must say that I believe it is possible in some situations for an ex-girlfriend to believe a guy is a keeper for someone else, but that his goals or dreams did not quite align with hers. However, in this case, this gentleman has not demonstrated that he is worth keeping around. He should never have pushed you to let him come home with you. Asking is one thing, but pushing is completely another - and it wasn’t even as if the two of you were on a planned date! You were absolutely right to set limits with this guy, and if he is really into you he will start treating you with respect. Or you will find someone else who will.
Best of luck!
Yep. What Anonymous said. Keep this guy on a string for the fun flirts (and great blog entries that follow), but look closely at his M.O., and let that 26-yr-old wisdom kick in.
Even if he DID follow ‘the process’, I think you have a good idea of what HIS ‘process’ is, and at the end of the day, which do you think will stick..?
girl, you are my hero!!!
hero, hero HERO.
“There is a process.”
Remind me to mention that when 3:30 calls again on a saturday night for booty call. Because I seemed to have forgotten that AGAIN in my half sleep stupor.
AndI’m 31. please send me back to remedial “how to demand respect from relationships with the opposite sex” because I seem to have failed that one. Again.
That’s great! I like the fact that you like the process. Too many times now a days both guys and girls skip the process. Good Luck with this guy. hope he’s not the sterotype of the “non-process guy”
Good work. Let’s hope he bites. If he’s really as into you as he is acting, he’ll play by your rules!
Yeah, I think she was his ex-girlfriend from many years ago. And I agree that you can really like someone but not be right for them.
I don’t know that he’s going to call. I got a text from a friend to meet him and The Blackberry out last night, but I passed. Gotta wonder who had the idea to text me …
Wow… you are amazing. Good for you! You’re a role model to dating girls everywhere!
The Blackberry is starting to sound like a pretentious jerk who doesn’t have that much respect for the girls he tries to bed.
You know, it’s almost as if he considers bumping into you all over as “dates” the way he was so pushy.
“Oh come on, Charming, we’ve been giving each other the eye across the room for months and months, it’s the next logical step!”
Step cautious- but you knew that. Good for you for putting him in his place.
You know, it’s almost as if he considers bumping into you all over as “dates” the way he was so pushy.
“Oh come on, Charming, we’ve been giving each other the eye across the room for months and months, it’s the next logical step!”
Step cautious- but you knew that. Good for you for putting him in his place.
Well done! I’m impressed.
I like the phrase “there is a process”…I’ve been using I want to take things slow but “there is a process” seems to hit the nail on the head!
This is the same Blackberry guy from September’s post “Second Fiddle, hardly”? Why are you even entertaining the thought of dating such a creep!?!?!
You deserve so much better, Charming!!!
Gotta agree with Beck. He’s awfully presumptuous to wheedle like that. Hardly respectful to you and you deserve a more genuine gentleman than *that*. You’re quite patient to give him so much leeway.
oh i loved your answer. “because there is a process”. brillant!
Yeah your answer was inspired.
wow - I am using that line on the VERY BIG DATE comming up.
YOU GO GIRL!!! That was awesome.
“There is a process.” is my new mantra with Repo. (and any other pushy guy.)
if he ever friggin calls me…..argh.
Genius. Love it. Thanks for the inspiration.
Ok, off to tattoo that on my wrist….