Coming attractions December 17, 2006
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Uncategorized.trackback
Sunday afternoon I saw “The Holiday.” I happen to love seeing matinee movies alone with a big diet coke and candy, which I bring in my large purses, naturally. I get there early, pick out a good seat – high and in the middle.
As the previews began, it was obvious to me that there was a projection error. There was a two-foot black stripe at the bottom of the screen and the actors’ heads were cut off at the top. I am not one to settle for a subpar movie experience. Theatres cannot always control their patrons. People will talk. Cell phones will ring. But they can definitely fix projection issues.
So I abandoned my good seat, gathered my purse and diet coke and headed to the lobby to find a staff member. A theatre manager quickly agreed to have the project fixed. By the time I got back to the theatre, the film had been corrected so that it projected correctly. Fantastic.
Not wanting to disturb my fellow moviegoers, I hunted for a row with several empty seats on the end. And as I found one, I missed a step and fell face first into the row. My drink splashed on me. My purse flew open. I was in a denim skirt, so I bashed my knees against the hard floor and I felt a breeze on my bottom. The theatre was dark, but everyone around me saw and the women around me gasped and jumped up to offer assistance. I was mortified. It was all I could do to reach under seats to put my belongings back in my purse and slouch in a seat so that I could examine my knees and assure everyone I was okay.
Cheeks burning, I swigged from the diet coke that hadn’t spilled on me and slumped in my seat, hoping that the start of the movie would distract from my faceplant on the dirty movie theatre floor.
The Holiday was good. Not spectacular, but entertaining.. It had all of the elements of a good romantic comedy – beautiful women finding their way in a cruel world, montages of budding romances, idyllic settings, charming male leads, great clothes, predictable plot. Exactly what I wanted.
It won’t be a spoiler for me to say that one woman makes movie trailers. Needless to say, this is sort of a running theme, as she has a few flashes of what the movie trailer of her life would look like.
This, of course, started me thinking about what the booming voice in a movie trailer would say if narrating the trailer to my little life.
“[Charming] grew up with in a typical Southern family …”
[Cut to footage of 23-person family dinners.]
“… surrounded by opinionated women …”
[Cue shots of gossipy Southern ladies]
“… who married young and raised children …”
[Montage of cousins running through the house]
“But when [Charming] was 17, she laid out a life plan …”
[Cut to footage of our young heroine telling the other girls at the lunch table, “I’m not going to be one of those woman who gets married and has babies young just because! I’ll wait until I’m 25 before I settle down! And then I’ll have my kids in my late twenties.”]
“ … ten years later, [Charming]’s finding out that the best laid plans of Southern girls …”
[Cue montage of clicking down the street in heels with coffee in hand, chatting on a cell phone, “It’s a date!”]
“ … often go awry …”
[Montage of falling on her face; hissing into her cell phone, “my date is CRYING about his ex wife!” and announcing “I’m going to be the ONLY single bridesmaid in the wedding!”]
“ … This Spring, follow one woman as she tries to get herself back on track …”
[Cue clips [Charming] making to do lists, going to the gym, smiling at men, with voiceover, “This will be the year that I get it all together.”]
“… and finds that sometimes straying off course …”
[Cut to [Charming] covering face and moaning to friends, “I was supposed to be married by now!”]
“ … brings you where you need to be.”
[Cue powerful chick lit pop music and scenes of dancing, kissing hot men, fabulous shoes]
I swear. I am too cheesy for words.
Ha, I love your trailer! I would totally go and see that movie. And also The Blackberry and the ‘I want you’ guy would make great ‘obstacles’ - you know, the unbelievably obnoxious buttheads you have to endure to make the hot guy you’re going to kiss while wearing fabulous shoes and ticking off items on your to do list worth the wait.
Coming soon to a theatre near you…
Merry Christmas Charming. I’m going to ask Santa if he can’t rustle us up a couple of good and gorgeous men for 2007. I think we’ve paid our dues.
I like romantic comedies as much as the next guy (ok probably more than the next GUY) but, while The Holiday had some funny bits and Eli Wallach was very good, the movie’s turns of events lacked all credibility because it seemed to pay no attention to reality whatsoever. As an example, what was with the dog? It just sort of shows up for its one scene yet it is meant to be living there. No barking when CD arrives. No barking when JL is pounding on the door in the middle of the night (how did he get to that isolated cottage anyway?) And on and on.
Ok end of rant.
You forgot to add into your trailer (which leaves us hopeful that good things will come to Charming), “but Charming forgot that life is what happens to us when we are busy making other plans”.
Aw, that sounds so mortifying! I loved your life trailer, if it were a movie I would definitely go see it.
Jeremy — It cracks me up that the dog not barking is the lapse in reality that annoys you so. Nevermind that I don’t know a single woman who’d up and trade houses on a whim with someone they’d never met. Hello background checks!
The dog was just an example. And yes the notion that these two women would just exchange houses on a moment’s notice, with no preparation, checking or anything was rather far fetched as well. I’m quite prepared to suspend my sense of belief up to a point, as with amazing coincidences a la Serendipity but no further.
I made a solo trip to the movies yesterday as well, though it was to see the Illusionist.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen up (and down) the stairs.
I feel your humiliation and pain, though it always makes for a good post.
Love the trailer.
HAHAHAHA - TOOOO FUNNY! (the trailer not the embarrassement).
Now all the movie needs is a soundtrack. Also..who would play Charming?
You are absolutely hilarious!! Loved the trailer- and yes, I tend to see my life in movie shots as well, so good to know I’m not the only one
As for falling- been there, done that, will definitely do that again. . .
-Lina
A perfect trailer, and I would totally watch your movie!
And don’t worry–those falling in public things are always mortifying to the faller but instantly forgotten by the audience. AND you couldn’t be a perfect chick flick heroine without being a little clumsy anyway!
A perfect trailer, and I would totally watch your movie!
And don’t worry–those falling in public things are always mortifying to the faller but instantly forgotten by the audience. AND you couldn’t be a perfect chick flick heroine without being a little clumsy anyway!
GREAT POST!!!! Love it!!!
Ha, I love it! And I can hear that KT Tunstall song playing in the background at the end.
Whether the movie was believable or not, it was fun and exactly what I needed when I saw it too. I love your interpretation and hope that your cheesy romantic comedy goes the way that you want.
Awesome trailer… I wish mine were that interesting.
Did you recover all the items frm your purse? If that had happened to me, I would have gotten home to find out my wallet was missing, along with my favorite chaptstick.
(Ooh… but if I live in MovieWorld, a Handsome Young Man would knock on my door the next day, right after I got out of the shower so I have my head wrapped in a towel and the rest of me wrapped in a shapeless grey t-shirt, no makeup and still some leftover wax around my eyebrows, while he looks beyond stunning, as he gives me that cocky Hollywood Male Lead sideways half-smile and hands me the wallet and chapstick… then I’d as him out for coffee, to thank him, then…)
Oh my god that trailer is fantastic! You need someone to hook it up for you on youtube!
This is kinda eerie .. I have to confess, just a month ago, I did a very similar face plant at a screening of Casino Royale .. I could hear the youngsters snickering behind me, but I did my best to ignore them!
Loved this post! I would also go see your movie. I go to movies by myself all the time, even though I save the romantic comedies for home viewing. I think I will steal your idea and make my own movie trailer, Sorry.
The trip and fall is fine…I’m just suprised that an atractive leading man didn’t offer to help. (could be part of your movie.
Yeah, The Holiday was pretty good. Mostly cause of the fierce jewelry the two female characters wore and the “boob graze” part.
this was the cutest post!!! i think you missed you calling. ever considered writing a screenplay loosely based on your life? i would definitely watch that matinee!