Saturday Night (A Few Hours Later) January 10, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating.trackback
See also: Earlier that night.
“I am starving.”
I turned to look at him and reached out to rub his shaved head – he bristled earlier when I called him bald, noting that he shaved, not lost, his hair. It was almost 2 a.m. and the last thing I wanted was food or to move out of bed.
“But you already ate,” he said.
I nodded and pulled closer to him. I never understood how men could think of eating when cuddling and sleeping seemed so much more logical. I couldn’t imagine walking downstairs and cooking. I didn’t want to speak or do anything but just breathe, quietly in the dark, as we nodded off to sleep.
“I have an idea. Why don’t we toss on some clothes …”
“Yes …”
“And we’ll go downstairs and I’ll walk you to your car, kiss you goodnight, and go find some food.”
I half sat, propping myself up on my forearm. I scrunched my eyebrows, though I doubt he could see this in the dark.
He was kicking me out.
I wanted to protest, to slap him for being nuts. It was raining. And he never kicks me out.
But I bit my tongue, reminded myself that we’re not in a relationship. And I’m not going to stay if he doesn’t want me to.
The sky was on the edge of a major storm when I felt my heels click on the concrete. I opened the car door and turned around so that the door was between us. He slipped around the door and gave me a kiss.
“I brought my A game tonight, right?” he asked.
“Yeah, you brought your A game tonight, babe.”
He did WHAT??!! but…but..I don’t get it!
…
WTF…?
I don’t get it either!!!! WTF??? I hope this did not happen after onsummating anything. Been there…and that feeling sucks!
consummating…
Do you want to be in a relationship with this guy? And if you do, what are the obstacles?
Ok, Texas Cinderalla, things have been consummated with this guy for months … this is the first time he’s ever asked me to leave!
Sigh.
I am completely confused. What’s with the A Game reference? And why’s he kicking you out?
Men are odd.
What??? This was really unexpected…
Maybe he just thought it was practical that you left while he was going to get some food… Guys can sometimes be really stupid…
I really wanna know what happened next.
Whoa! Totally didn’t see THAT one coming……. WTF??
The way I see it, you played the game with him and now its his turn to play with you. Once you were resistant to like this guy and you let him know thru your actions. Now, youve let him know that you like him and now that he’s got what he wanted, its his turn to decide how much he likes it. That, or maybe you fart in your sleep and the only chance to breathe clean air was to say he was hungry and ask you to leave?
OK, I know that I have been out of the dating world for a long time, but has it changed this much? I think that was a very scummy thing to do and I would definitely say something to him about it…even if he was just being stupid, he needs to learn you don’t just kick someone out!
Pardon me?
WTF???? i am confused and pissed off FOR YOU. what happened???
stop torturing us by leaving out parts!!! you are such a tease!!! not fair!!!
please explain. you’re killing me.
ah. ah.
I think I spent New Years with his brother.
This would be the guy that last fall, after at least 7 or 8 nights together, says in the middle of you know, “You are on birth control, right?”
ha. If I say no, what do you suppose he would have done?? Especially since he’s been there SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE AND NEVER ASKED.
boys. I don’t get ‘em. That’s why I live alone.
The classlessness of some people? Priceless. And then the A game comment? If that were me I’d be looking around to see if I could see Ashton Kutcher because I would be incredulous that someone could be so cluelessly classless. Then again wasn’t this the same guy who chose cleaning his apt over spending time with you?
Run do not walk to the nearest exit.
Maybe I posted that he was a great guy a bit prematurely on the earlier post. That’s pretty strange.
Why all the WTF responses? It seems fairly obvious to me what happened…
Ok, Lou. Enlighten me. Because I was left staring at my steering wheel thinking, “WTF?”
He NEVER kicks me out. Never.
hmm. I’m not at all meaning to be rude here, but it kinda strikes me as him seeing the signs that he’s kinda your boytoy - dinner/movie out with gfs, and a late night show up at his place (dare I say it? bootycall? don’t worry, I’m a black kettle). Perhaps he wanted to make a point that if all you want is the physical, than he gets to treat it that way, too. Nothing wrong with that, per se, but it kinda smarts.
The A Game comment kinda sealed my interpretation, btw. You do NOT say that to a romantic interest.
Charming, I think I’m going to have to agree with Jeremy on this one. On Paper’s behavior is just odd. Plus any guy that would rather clean his house rather than spend time with you NEEDS to get his head checked. You deserve better
F HIM. Exclamation point.
Have you talked to him since?
Run, run, run from this guy! No point in wasting your time with someone who is just….so weird! On Paper is the tool formerly known as The Crier, right? Let’s not forget that!
NoNoNoNoNoNoNo!!!! Alarm bells! Sirens! Clanging kitchen implements! NO! Get out while you still can. Bad bad man. No manners.
Er… I think I’ve had a bad reaction to this post…
Sorry.
Lola x
Hmm, maybe he thought you didn’t want to stay while he ate?
And what is with the A game? Sex? Because… you can’t kick someone out and then ask them to reassure you that you were good in bed.
Wow - he’s fucked up! Men can be such assholes.
Ah, the old classic moves are the best. This is a classic mood to create more attraction.
he is attracted to you but wants you to be more attracted to him. Give what you may be wanting and then pulls away to make you chase him.
That or he was hungry - i think there is an old saying about the best way to a man’s heart …
Give him yet another shot. And if it still isn’t working for you …
It hurts twice as badly to feel rejected by someone you were less than 100% committed to. And I was ready to second marriage comments after the last post! Sadly, his actions after getting ehat he wants are much more telling. As great as he may be “On Paper”, he’s starting to suck onscreen.
good for him. Nice to see a guy stand up for himself. Now the “A game” comment…that’s classless and you can never 1)say something hurtful after “consummating” 2)reveal your own insecurities by asking about your game.
But it’s perfectly within the realm of reasonable to kick you out. The rain is a little harsh but you ain’t gonna melt.
Ouch, that hurts, been there, done that. He literally charms the pants off you and then kicks you out after he gets what he wants. Charming, don’t you deserve better than that?? Please move on and find someone with class!
Maybe you two should talk (or text, I don’t know what you adult do) about what you want with him and can he give you that and stop playing mind game with each other, it’s killing us bystanders.
‘A’ game - as in a**hole? Not cool at all, though when a guy does this, it’s out of the assumption that he’s got you in the palm of his hand. Or it’s just a physical relationship.
Oh yes! The guns flash and klaxons sound loudly as the ship comes about and the engines strain to make flank speed. All hands on deck! Battle stations!
But Wait! Er…what about a sandwich? Maybe, just maybe, he needed something like a simple sandwich? Or he was feeling guilty about needing a sandwich, and then thought that he’d not get back home until an hour or so later, and so he didn’t know how you’d take the suggestion, and seeing it go down somewhat poorly just decided to pull the plug on the night’s festivities, since mostly they were indeed over. (Except if you like those awkward early morning wake up calls & scenes where you wake up groggy and are never quite certain of what to do and what the protocol for the bathroom & breakfast is, and who needs to go where & when).
But the bottom line is; We’ve got No damn idea, really. So C, if you are indeed in a relationship with this guy, you might wait a bit and ask him directly. He probably felt a bit silly about it all. It’s naturally more than a little strange, but then again it could be any number of things that entered into the picture of his decision making process that we are wholly unaware of.
And of course it could also be that proverbial sneak kamikaze attack waiting to auger down into that soft teak decking of your sweet heart. So you might as well ask him and try to talk it out and see what you can find out. Tell him that it felt strange & was certainly unwelcome. That may seem a tad unnecessary, but then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Dare I say it? I still think the guy might have potential. Needs work on communication skills perhaps, but this is a bit ambiguous, and we need not over interpret it. The ball is placed on the 50 yard line. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
I have to agree with VJ.
I think he may very well have just wanted a sandwich. And though he went about it a little brusquely, the move could have been completely innocuous.
The situation you two are in, from the outside, seems to be stuck in a kinda “are-we-or-aren’t-we-dating” cycle, which breeds awkward situations. Hence… he was uncomfortable, and the easiest route (though, surely, not the most elegant) to relieve that feeling was to send you home.
and then grab a BLT.
I’d just ask him about it. Good luck.
I mean, yeah, it’s a dick move, but he clearly thinks its just sex. If you’ve been sleeping with him for months with no relationship, he assumes its just a physical thing, so he’s not worried about hurting your feelings. Feelings aren’t part of your arrangement. At least, not in his mind. For most guys, your feelings are the responsibility of a boyfriend, not a F*@% Buddy.
The question is, are you really fine with it being just a physical thing? If so, by all means, keep it up. But you’ve got to play a little harder to get because the guy obviously thinks he’s got you so hooked on the physical stuff that you’ll keep coming back even if he shows you no particular consideration.
And the A-game comment, IMHO, is just him being cocky about the fact that he thinks you’ll keep him around just on the basis of how good the sex is. Kind of a, “I know I’m being kind of an ass, but you really like the sex, right? So how about you overlook the fact that I’m being really selfish and inconsiderate right now?” Either that or he’s just trying to make a point about the casualness of the arrangement.
Sorry, hon. It’s shitty, but I don’t think there’s any real mystery about what he was thinking.
One last thing. You don’t kick a girl you’re trying to date out of your house after sex, especially for a sandwich or whatever.
What an ass!
I agree with Irish. He thinks it’s just sex. And he thinks he’s a bad-ass.
Maybe you should remind him he is not as cool as he thinks he is?
I kind of want you to have him over and then when you have gotten yours, you could ask him to leave b/c you have to get up early the next day or you have to wash your hair or something wonderful that screams, “I’m making up an excuse so you will go away.”
Treat him like he treats you. See how it goes…?
Oh, I had something brilliant all summed up in my head about this and then Irish made it easy by just saying it all for me!
Completely agree with Irish …
Wow! After the last post, I thought he was a really nice guy. He could have gotten food and left you lying in bed. Ass.
I don’t think it’s fair to label this guy an ass. It’s murky territory between you two and you both clearly aren’t talking. You’ve bounced around with your feelings towards him, and undoubtedly, he’s done the same. How about a nice honest conversation between you to so that you can salvage whatever you’ve got.
I agree with deezee.. other than labeling him an ass because I think he is one just for his last comment. Judging by your blogs you still have one foot out the door. You don’t have to have “the talk” but you definitely need a lil clarification on what it is going on.
So I read the first post from this night and thought to myself “wow, On Paper sure seems to be redeeming himself for the whole wierd-behavior-crying thing.
Then I read this post and… hmm. This guy is either A) playing you like crazy, or B) is completely clueless as to the mixed signals he sends you (calling, then forgoing plans to clean his house; telling you you’re gorgeous and giving you a foot massage which most women would swoon for their sig figs to do, then kicking you out and thinking that was the gentlemanly thing to do. Wtf?).
On Paper has me seriously confused. I don’t know if you really want advice, if you don’t feel free to ignore the rest of my comment:
If it were me, I’d think it’s time to decide whether you want to legitimately date this guy (and tell him so) or decide to cut off ties and find someone else. But that’s me, and who knows if I’d have the guts to do either if I were really in this situation. I have been known to have a reliable guy to cal late at night as well, so if you want to continue things the way they are then that’s totally fine of course (as long as you’re ok with him being so wierd and ambivalent).
TheCrier is playing games. He is trying to get your attention.
It’s the give and pull game. (does he have a copy of the laws of seduction?)
Think about it…. You have been sleeping with him for months. He had not done anything to really get in the blog other then now that he was an ass.
By doing this, he is forcing you to bring it up and talk about your feelings.
also, I think he is trying to shake you a little so you don’t think you have him eating out of your little hand.
He is just sorta marking his territory.
now you are thinking about this and about him.
Either that .. or he really was just hungry and wanted to eat. Men are very .. weird…
I still think its cuz you fart in your sleep…
i have to admit, irish totally said it for me.
the A game comment was completely uncalled for. what an arrogant twit!
im sorry you had to drive in the rain thinking WTF??!??
Got started in blogging and I’m loving it, just setup my blog. Just learning as much as I can… could do with some useful links.
Jay