So. Damn. Clueless. January 11, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating, Friends.trackback
Wednesday night, the inevitable happened.
I saw the Blackberry. (And this time I had to talk to him.)
I was running late to meet Prom Date at the cigar bar for a drink. It is one of my favorite bars and I figured I couldn’t stay away forever and for all I knew, The Blackberry wouldn’t be there.
Prom Date called because I was running late and I could hear The Blackberry yelling into the phone for me. I didn’t want to see him and would have preferred if he would have fallen off of the face of the earth after our New Year’s make out session, but what was I to do? I could go home and bail on Prom Date or I could be an adult and deal with The Blackberry.
I chose the latter.
I strode in wearing my work clothes, as I’d had an after work dinner. I was in a knee-length black pencil skirt, a black top and black high heels (didn’t feel like ironing!) and the look was topped off with a trench coat. My hair was in a low bun on the base of my neck.
He immediately moved seats so I could sit between him and Prom Date, who could tell something was up between the two of us, but didn’t ask until later.
Our cocktail waitress came over and The Blackberry made a show of putting my wine on his tab – noting that Prom Date could pay his own way. It was possibly mean of me to accept the glass of wine, but I worried refusing it would cause a minor scene.
“You can put her drink on my tab,” he said.
“That’s not necessary, but thank you for the drink.”
The cocktail waitress brought the wine over and I had a sip.
“You’re not going to thank me?”
“Um,” I said. “I thanked you before. But thanks again.”
Later, he said, “Wasn’t it nice of me to buy you a drink?”
“Yes, thank you. It is literally the NICEST thing that anyone has EVER done for me before.”
“Well that warms my heart – I do have one, you know.”
He later asked if I was mad at him for not calling.
“I thought about it, but since I never called, I didn’t know if I should call.”
“Why would you start calling me now?”
A few minutes went by and he said, “So, did you enjoy your New Year?”
“Yes, I slept in, recovered from my hangover and saw my parents,” I said curtly.
“Technically, you also, you know … we were … on New Years … it was after midnight.”
I ignored him.
He was annoying me later and said, “Can you not see the disdain I have for you?”
“You didn’t have disdain for me a few nights ago.”
Then he left for a few minutes.
“Dear God,” I told Prom Date. “This is what I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life! When I am in the nursing home, he is going to roll his wheelchair over and try to flirt with me.”
Then The Blackberry was back and begging me to dance. I refused, yawned and downed my wine so I could leave.
“Where are you going?” he asked as I slipped on my coat.
“Home, because I need to sleep.”
He leaned in to me and in a whisper said, “Do you want me to come with you?”
“Um, NO.”
Ok, so I know this guy is totally clueless and aggravating, especially after getting encouragement on new year’s, but perhaps if you straight-up told him “Look, I’m sorry for what happened that night, it was a moment of weakness. I regret it. I am not interested in you, never have been ,and never will be. Please, kindly, leave me alone” maybe, just maybe he’d get the hint? I know that’s asking a lot of him but he might also think you’re playing this twisted game of hard-to-get which would be harder for him to believe if you point-blank tell him how you feel.
Oi. I am sorry that you’re stuck dealing with this guy. I like the way you handled it though- he’s obviously a 2×4 and that means a little bit of venom is a necessity
Oh, come now, Charming. Don’t tell me you don’t enjoy the attention secretly.
Telling him straight straight is not gonna work, you know that. He will just think you’re playing hard to get. Just lead him around to nowhere and eventually he will get bored and leave you alone.
nope! nope!! nope!! I don’t think she is giving him mix signals at all. Shoot, I can tell she doesn’t like him. It doesn’t matter what she tells him. The reason he wants her so badly is because she is what he knows he can’t have.
I think you’re doing great. You’re not leading him on, and you’re venting your anger here instead of starting a scene there! Even the most clueless guys need to realize eventually that the girl’s JUST NOT INTERESTED…right?
Wow! And I thought I had some crazies chasing me. You can’t do anything more than what you’re doing. Some guys just think if they’re persistant enough, you’ll eventually give in.
Check out http://www.theshut-in.com.
The title of this post says it all. I’ve got nothing to add. He’s SO clueless.
Your only mistake: accepting the drink. He’ll take it as encouragement, which is by far not the message you’re trying to send.
Though you’d think after nearly being soaked he’d have given up by now….
Dude is obviously a bit of a dolt given that he can’t catch a hint. WTF???
Next time speak slowly and clearly and explain the meaning of the word ‘disdain’.
Hey, if this dumbbutt wants to buy you drinks, I say go for it. Let him pay - if he hasn’t figured out by now that you’re not interested, he’s too stupid to worry about - he doesn’t deserve your respect and consideration, and he’s not going to get the hint anyway.
Besides, if he buys you a drink, you have something handy to throw in his face when he asks for it.
He’s not clueless - he’s just stunned by your looks, sass, and .. charm.
Blackberry has no tact, from what I’ve read on here. His persistence is admirable, but I’m sure annoying when you’re on the other end of it.
I think you need a broader perspective here on this persistent problem area C. Unknowingly you are sending him mixed signals. This may not be obvious to most, but accepting the drink ‘puts you in his debt’ (so to speak). You have to interact with him. The key here is interaction. ANY interaction will suit him just fine, and rewards his caddish behavior. Kind interaction by any sort of ‘nice’ female is a plus here for him. You can either shut down his game by refusing to interact with him in anything but essentially one word replies , or you could take it in a whole ‘nother direction and try the humor & public humiliation route.
He’s a pro at what he does. He knows that persistence DOES work, and he’ll get some just for being that ‘lonely, sad sack’ who’s perfectly willing to camp out on your doorstep at 2 AM and moan and caterwaul loudly enough until someone feels sorry enough for him to take his sorry ass inside. Once inside his game begins anew. As a professional cad & a bounder he gets his any which way he can. He’s really not after all that ‘relationship’ blather. To him some drunk kid is a good enough ’score’ for the weekend. Enough for him to be bragging about his ‘catch’ that next Monday in the bar. Yep, a sad and pathetic creature to be certain, but still reasonably successful in his own way.
So at the moment he’s being highly entertained by your confusion on what to do with him. You can try and flee, in which case it’s no skin off his teeth, and he’ll move on to his next victim, or you can make sport of him and show him up for the fool that he is. That latter bit may be a difficult trick to pull off when you’ve got a personal interest in the story coming out ‘clean’, but it still can be done with some care and attention to the dynamics of the situation.
But developing a wicked sense of the utter ridiculousness of this guy’s game would be seem to be the best course short term. I think you can’t rely on my ‘woolen sock’ suggestion now that you’ve had a few noted ‘positive’ interactions with the man. To him you may be practically dating, (depending on how much he’s been drinking). That may seem more than crazy to you, but he’s probably picked up gals just a bit in their cups regularly, and he thinks all you need is a bit more wine to tip the scales for him.
So look on his antics as a walking joke, you may even greet him warmly like the walking circus clown that he is, but do this with caution & moderation, as he may take that too as a positive indication that ‘you’re in to him’. I know, it’s really Really hard to get through to these guys. Which is why the BB weighted sock would have come in handy at the beginning. If you involve more senses in the learning experience, kids, dogs and even eventually men come to learn from them quickly. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
I think it should be clear to him by now that you’re not interested. A man should never sit outside a woman’s doorstep waiting for her to let him in so he can sleep on her couch, to the point where you have to threaten to pour water over his head.
Maybe you shouldn’t have taken the wine from him, but I can’t believe how incredibly clueless he is. He had to remind you 3 times that he bought you a drink? Grow up and move on, Blackberry!
Good luck with him, Charming.
sometimes a sledgehammer is necessary to get the point across.
want to borrow mine?
you are hereby required by law to notify me in writing if he ever moves within 50 miles of Columbia, SC.
jeez louise. does this guy ever let things just drop???? let. it. go. he needs to get over himself. how annoying. my sympathies, charming.
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Where are you living that you run into guys like this?
nevermind. They’re everywhere.
I don’t know why no one has mentioned this but I guess I’ll bite and explain it.
He’s desperate. D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E!
You are most likely the first woman to give him the time of day in a lonnnnng time and you made a mistake that put you in an awkward position with him.
All of his comments are very antagonistic because he’s hoping to elicit a response from you that will give him recognition for what he’s done and by being antagonistic it’s his way of trying to show that he’s not desperate when in reality he couldn’t be more desperate if he fell off of Air Desperate flight #1 into a field of desperate flowers in the town of Desperate.
Later, he said, “Wasn’t it nice of me to buy you a drink?”
hmm… it cut off the rest of my comment so here it is.
Later, he said, “Wasn’t it nice of me to buy you a drink?”
Sorry, I figured out what it was.
Later, he said, “Wasn’t it nice of me to buy you a drink?”
This shows his need for recognition.
I’m sure he really likes you (though I’ve yet to read any logs between this one and the last one I commented on) but he is clearly incapable of showing it. This almost reminds me of watching younger kids in my family (around 12-13) trying to impress a girl and then being nasty when she doesn’t respond and then nice again. On a scale of 1 - 10 this guy’s social skills land him a 3 for remembering the language.
For what it’s worth we all enjoy attention from people whether it’s good or bad but you have to draw a line at some point when it becomes excessive or interferes with your life on a day to day basis.