Not with a bang, but with a whimper January 14, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Tales of Online Dating.trackback
My subscription to Match.com expired this weekend. I didn’t renew. (I cancelled it so that it wouldn’t auto-renew, which, as y’all probably know is the way that online dating services squeeze money from you. For the uninitiated, the vast majority of online dating services have it in their terms of service that your subscription auto-renews if you don’t cancel it before it ends. Meaning, if you have a three-month subscription like I did? You end up being auto renewed for three more months, having your credit card charged for $50 more and then feeling like you should be trying if you’re paying for it, right? So, you end up subscribed for months longer than you’d intended and your heart isn’t in it so you’re not getting much benefit from it. And I’m not saying $50 is a ton of money, but personally I’d rather go shopping or get a manicure than be forced to online date for even a minute longer than I desire. But that could just be me.)
And, no, I don’t want to talk about how I went on zero Match.com dates this cycle. Yeah, I got e-mails and winks and profile views. But none of the men were quite what I wanted. I spoke with several of them and I generally wasn’t thrilled with my selection. And I sort of feel like I keep getting the same 10 people in my “Your Matches” e-mails. And most of them, hello, live in The Sticks around my smallish city. And not to beat a dead horse, but I do NOT like to commute to date. Hell no.
Well, right before my subscription ended, I happened upon a profile for a guy who really seemed great. Early 30s, never married, tall, interesting answers to the standard dating profile questions. And I added him to my favorites but decided against e-mailing him. What was the point? I was going to be done with Match in two weeks anyway.
Truth be told, I kept wondering about him. As I continued to get e-mailed and winked at through the site, I’d see his little picture in my list of favorites and ultimately decided to e-mail him. This time I didn’t send my standard, “Hi, I’m [Charming], here is a bit about me, I liked your profile, please drop me a line if you would like to chat” e-mail. This time, I put a little more thought into it. I noted that “I liked your profile” was the cheesiest line ever used on Match.com, but that it was true. I had like his profile and at first glance he seemed nice and normal and I’d certainly like to get to know him better if he was interested.
I got an almost immediate response. He said he understood how difficult it was to craft an e-mail to a perfect stranger and he appreciated that I’d put some time into my note. His response to my response was a nice length – much better than the incomplete sentences most guys seem to throw together as a way of flirtation. And thus began several days of e-mailing. I learned a lot about him – he’d moved back to the South recently, he’d been a lawyer, he was into real estate now, we liked a lot of the same music.
I’d react with excitement when I’d get an e-mail from him. He always responded within a day of my last message. And though he hadn’t asked me out yet, I was confident that he would, as I don’t exchange six or seven paragraph e-mails with people in whom I don’t have at least a passing interest.
On Thursday morning, realizing that my time on Match was winding down, I closed my e-mail to him with a note that my Match subscription was ending this weekend. I said I wasn’t subscribing again, but noted that I was still going to be dating and that I’d like to keep corresponding with him. I gave him my e-mail address and asked that he e-mail me there.
And … nothing. No e-mail response on either Match or in my e-mail account. I checked and he’s definitely signed on each day since I sent him the e-mail. He’s even viewed my profile between then and now. But no response or note to my e-mail account – I’ve even checked my Spam folder.
I swear, the amount of knowledge I have about men could fit in a thimble. Because I seriously have no idea why it would matter that I wasn’t subscribed to Match anymore. Does he think that means I want to date him exclusively and that I’ve stopped looking? Does he like the semi anonymous nature of Match.com and is he just not willing to get rid of that quite yet? Am I simply reading too much into this? Will he e-mail me this week?
Hey, Charming!
I signed up for match a little over a week ago. It was probably a bad time for me to sign up, because it was right before I took a trip to Boston and right before I was gearing up for a new semester.
I’ve been a little overwhelmed by the response I’ve received because of these two things. I have bad negligent about returning emails to guys I AM interested in, but only because I’ve been so frazzled.
So, I wouldn’t give up hope on this guy just yet. If he is so vain/misguided as to think that you have canceled your subscription in hopes of only dating him, then good riddance! Liking the semi-anonymity of match is a little more likely, but he could have created an anonymous email for moving communication off match, like I have.
I agree that he might not be willing to part from the relative anonymity of his screen name, or that he might be reacting to your leaving Match as a sign that you’re jaded about dating, or otherwise emotionally “harder” to date. Although, it sounds like you’ve traded a lot of in-depth email conversation at this point, so he should know the deal by now.
Optimistically speaking - he IS in real estate, which is job notorious for people having to jump to someone else’s bidding, so perhaps he’s in the midst of closing a sale, and just can’t make the time to respond (properly)?
On a side note: a person I know who works on the business-end of online dating admitted that many of the ‘current members’ random listings are faux, padding the roster with attractive photos and good-demographic profiles. Maybe he’s a ‘good catch’ plant, meant to lure you into extending your membership! (insert diabolical cackle here). I’m so conspiracy-theory!
Agreed with Anon above–a friend of mine got the “good catch” plant several times with Match too!
Your stories are really interesting…
It could be so many things that you can’t begin to imagine and that don’t have anything to do with you… but I wouldn’t disregard the “good catch” conspiracy!
well, if you send someone a note with an alternative way to communicate (like another email address), a lot of the times they will ***** out your address. They make money off of you using their service and therefore have systems in place to prevent people from going elsewhere. So, that could be what happened when you sent your address.
On the other hand, it couldve been the website generating a “fakie” to get you interested enough to sign up for another 3 months… Just seems too coindidental.
I had almost the same experience, except the guy did write back to me, we set up a weekend to meet but didn’t make definite plans, I sent him a note before leaving work to call me since I wouldn’t be online over the weekend, and… nothing. At all. After numerous emails, etc. Then, out of the blue I hear from him six months later, and we went out for a bit. The flakiness carried over from virtual to real life. So, while I can’t explain, you probably aren’t missing out on anything given his weird behavior now.
Online hookups are so fickle anyway… sad as it is, there’s no sense of committment to someone you met online, it’s so easy to blow him/her off.
I met this guy on OKCupid, we exchanged emails, exchanged phone numbers, had a few good phone conversations (already moved out of the dating-site realm, actual phone conversations), and one day I called him, we talked for a few miutes and he said, “Hey, I’m about to get some coffee - can I call you in a few minutes?”
“Sure,” I said, and hung up.
I never heard from the guy again.
?!?
*shrug*
i was just thinking the same thing that perhaps match.com bleeped out your email addresss. beyond that i can’t quite think what good reason he has for not emailing you. well keep your fingers crossed…
Yeah, the Match deal & the other sites that run similarly, they’re licenses to print money. They’ve got various finely tuned algorithms that can keep you ‘hooked’ and on the line for an extra few months at a time. Read their TOS statements, no where in there does it say in any terms ‘we’ll not lie or manipulate you for our financial advantage’. There’s just so many ways of doing this, and it can change from day to day. Their goal is to have you hanging on hoping for ’something to happen’. They can very easily make it look like there is some interest where there is none, or indications of same.
And flakey guys? You know of course they never existed prior to the internet age, right? Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
That kind of shit happens to me all of the time!!!!! I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve hung out with or just talked to on the phone (never slept with any of them) and then they one day just disappear. I mean - usually they are the ones that are pursuing me and then one day they are just GONE.
I will never understand guys - so you aren’t alone!
I guarantee that they bleeped out your email address. I would often redirect guys to my MySpace since I had more pictures and info about myself on there. I would always have to spell out the address…my space dot com, etc. Otherwise, it shows up in their email as somespamsite. I never knew about the “plant” thing. Good to know but I have encountered a few guys that just refused to meet. They always had an excuse. I don’t think they were plants, though. I finally did meet one and asked him to pinch me when I walked up to him. Guys are weird, but we knew that, right?
God, I know! The online dating thing has me completely rewriting my guy knowledge every day!
Is it worth it?
I’m on the edge of my seat! Nice cliffhanger!
I’ve heard of the plant thing too - sooo shady. And they will block email text in a communication if it looks like an email - all to keep you on “their service”.
But he could also be just another completely fickle guy. Who knows anymore. I wonder if its worth the effort.
Like your blog…
Even if they blocked out your email with ***, he could have messaged you back telling you what happened.
Sometimes I feel the same way about that thimble full of knowledge.
I think it all comes down to the fact that boys are more or less dumb.
WTF? we need a male interpretation of this. that whole scenario makes no sense. i say, don’t make excuses for a man! men do what they WANT to do. no more, no less. if he wanted to email you, he’d find time.
the only viable explanation i can give you is: i bet your email address got blocked out. you have to say things like, “charming at ay oh elle dot com” or whatever.
that being said, think about what kind of info he has about you. does he know your real first name? where you work?
if so, he can probably find you if he wants to. a few phone calls can lead him to a work address. ’nuff said.
sorry if that’s harsh. i don’t believe in making excuses for a guy. if he never contacts you, it just leaves more room in your schedule for people that really want to be with you.
i know i’m an asshole for being harsh. it’s always easier to say than it is to do, right? so {{virtual hugs}} for you, girl.
in any case, this sucks, dude. i’m sorry. if i were a guy, early 30s, living in your town, single…i’d ask you out! you’re cool.
he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.
besides, if we are to believe Sliding Doors, you two will find each other if you’re meant to be!
Hey CBS, a little male insight. It is very likely that he is really busy (yes, this does actually happen, it’s not always just an excuse) and putting it off until he has more time to put together something to really wow you, or he sees it as a step towards something more personal that he is not willing to take right now, or he found someone, or he is just a flirt. Pretty much all the same reaons a girl would possibly not respond in the same situation.
[...] happened upon the MySpace profile of a guy I’d e-mailed with back a few months ago Match.com, but we lost touch when my membership expired. He’s friends with a woman I see at the Cigar Bar a [...]
He’s probably had experience with the whole lot of you and knows you really aren’t interested, you are just looking for a loaf of man-spam to dump. He dumped you before you could dump him. Period. No further mental intercourse needed. Jumped on his Harley and took off the the next bar. In the rain. With a huge smile on his face.
Punk.