Get out of my dreams January 31, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating.trackback
Last night, I had a very unsettling dream.
I was dating The Nurse. You know. Like a normal person. Like he’d never not called and never gotten some woman who is not half as cool as I am pregnant. Had he not probably been quite man whorish and (possibly) been seeing said other woman while also seeing me.
I was so over all of this. I’d deleted his texts and wasn’t talking about him anymore. And then he had to break his months-long silence quite unnecessarily and make me start to think about him all over again.
Seriously, there is an expiration date on coming back into someone’s life. To keep the coulda woulda shouldas at bay.
Not good. At all.
At least you know what happened. The guy who dropped off the face of the earth on me could’ve died by now, and I wouldn’t know. Not that I care anyways.
hehe
You could always just hire a hit man to kill him, and then he’d stop coming back into your life
I am not sure how one deals with this either. I just work out more and take even better care of myself to ease the discomfort within. Sorta kinda what I would want my Mom to do for me if she were still around…
Or hire a hit man.
Yeah, either of those would probably help
Hang in there Charming. The best advice I can give you is to cease all contact with him and to continue focusing on your needs. The right man is just around the corner- you just need to make room for him.
I know (kinda) the kind of thing you’re talking about. See also: http://redactedincamera.blogspot.com/2007/01/story-time-with-ric-part-1.html
Not pleasant, but remember: you deserve better than him.
Yeah, it is mean when people show up out of nowhere, expecting you’ll want to get back together.
A guy I dated once who disappeared on me called five years later to say that he was engaged but didn’t want to be and could he please see me again.
They always show back up right after you are just about to forget them….
I always give people too many chances, at least that’s what my friends/family/coworkers say. Because, in my mind, writing people off for a mistake or two is unkind, and potentially stupid. People are complicated, and right and wrong isn’t always clear. Everyone is afraid of gettting hurt.
BUT. Take a step back. Look at this guy, and what he is doing. He is probably afraid of being a father and growing up. He remembers you with fondness, sure, but if he shows up again it is for his own gratification and ego, not to explain his true feelings for you.
And btw, you’ll never be a spinster. You’re too fabulous.
I once found out a guy wasn’t interested in me when he blogged about it. He wrote up on his date with another girl and how it was so much better than the dates he had had that week (me). He went on to describe how great it was to go out with someone with substance etc. Nice.
I’ve got a Nurse of my own, except that he is a PT Tech. And he didn’t get some other girl pregnant while he was seing me at the same time, but he did get married. I never would have known, except that he took his wife to a doctor’s appointment yesterday when we were supposed to be meeting for lunch and a friend of mine happens to work in that office. He started calling me around April (and got married in August, I found out), and it’s been a long game of cat and mouse, very off-and-on, and we never even went out because he’d flake out randomly. Against my better judgement, I continued to give him another chance (a second, third, fourth and fifth chance!), like Megan said, and this last time I started getting a bad feeling about him. I should have listened to my “woman’s intuition” after he flaked on me the first time. Men are bastards. I think I give up on them completely.
Oh, it’s much easier to delete a guy from the real world than it is from your subconscious! With time, though, hopefully he’ll get out of there too.
Not good. Not good at all.
What’s up with us, girls, who keep reminding ourselves of jerks who doesn’t deserve a second of our thoughts?
Some years ago I broke up with “the love of my life”, or so I believed. I spent a whole year dreaming of his come back. Everytime I went out I imagined him secretly following me around to apologyze and come back. I couldn’t sleep and became really depressed. It took a six month therapy to give up on him and to accept that he went away. Even if I didn’t understanding why.
Even though today I am stronger than ever, and that now I can see so many failures he had that were invisible to me then, there are so many days I find myself remembering him. Not in a romantic way, not even missing him. Just remembering his name and wondering where he is. Then I realize it doesn’t matter and in seconds come back to reality.
I don’t love him anymore, but will I ever be able to forget about him?
oh yes, i couldn’t agree with you more… there should be an expiration date on coming back into someone’s life. well i suppose it could be worst… you could actually run into him.
Actually, your dreams, as unsettling as they are, MIGHT be a good thing. It is probably your subconscious mind’s way of working through the issue and coming to terms with it. You came to terms with it on a conscious level and now your subconscious mind need to catch up. Eventually, this will work itself out and you will, in time, forget and move on.
Hang in there!
I agree with Michelle. Everyone goes through it when they lose someone that meant something to them. Eventually there will be a time when you can look back and not have that stabbing feeling in your stomach. I don’t believe anyone can just up and move on without giving it a second thought… Some are just better at hiding it than othere… I fall in the ‘other’ category on that one.
Then you may have to tell him that he has past his expiration date. Sometimes, doing the right thing for our own sanity is the hardest to do. Especially when it involves emotions.
Ugh. I hate! dreams like that. But then I wake up and have feel upset, and yet, who should I be upset WITH? Me? My head? My subconscious? Them, for being IN my head? I find it all very frustrating, the not having anyone to blame. : )
I had one of these a few months ago about my ex. Super hot dream and I told him about it. This led to a lot of frustrating conversations cuz he’d be fine to continue sleeping w/ me.. but didn’t want to date me. We’re over it all now and decent friends, but the head-trip and the sting that always follows in your heart really sucks. Hate hate hate those dreams.
the coulda, woulda shouldas are the worst!!! you KNOW i have sympathy for you on this one.
you’re doing a good job, though. i am proud to say i also have deleted all text messages!!! go me.
(I kept the incriminating ones, just in case i need them as evidence one day…tee hee…)
unfortunately, our hearts and our subconscious don’t always communicate very well.
i have had dreams about Repo where i’m trying to talk to him, and he’s not listening to me. unlike you, my dreams are very realistic………
Boy, this blog really speaks to me. I met someone online who I thought was the final man of my dreams. We were so compatible, so comfortable talking, so happy together….for a very short time. We spent one fabulous night together…he went home with a cold and then disappeared from my life….after professing great love and affection for me. Why do guys do this? Is there any way to understand? Or is trying to understand a mistake. Just move on. Well, I’m trying to do that but I’m an older woman and this was the first time in years that I even felt something like this for someone. I’m working on it and writing in my journal day after day, reminding myself that it’s so OVER! and he wasn’t worth. Sometimes it works and sometimes the sweet moments of love and affection seem so elusive and sad. Of course, they were only moments of love and affection from one side….how could I have been so unaware of what was really going on.
I think you should be glad he came back. You got a chance to say no. Usually you get a boost to your ego after something like that and can really move on, as you are now on equal terms or, more likely, you have the upper hand
Maybe I misunderstood your story and I’m wrong, but it’s comforting to get the chance to show the person that has disappointed you that he/she’s not worth it anymore.
Good luck to you!