Mothers be good to your daughters February 12, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating, Family, Tales of Online Dating.trackback
When my Mom said she was going to see “Because I Said So,” I was a bit concerned. For those who haven’t seen the movie, I don’t feel that I am spoiling it by saying that one of the central conflicts is a mother trying to find a man for her free-spirited daughter.
My concern was that my own mother would take notes for use against me in the future.
She’s been good so far. She mentions single men she knows – or has heard of – from time to time, but she’s yet to do something humiliating, like write her own personals ad for me, give out my phone number to unsuspecting gentlemen or beg strangers on the street to take my hand.
I do sense that she’s anxious. She, who was once fearful of all things online dating, informed me that “Miss So-And-So in my office is single and she says that Match.com is much better than trying to meet men in bars.”
This evening we were talking about my grandparents. My grandmother has wanted me to date the man who rents the house across the street from hers for a very long time – his long-time girlfriend was merely a minor detail we’d work out later.
I’ve never met the man, though I imagine I should look fierce the next time I go to her house.
“Your grandmother wants you to know that [Man Across the Street] broke up with his girlfriend.”
Fantastic.
I am amazed by the search engine hits this blog gets from people I presume to be parents. They use the search terms “marry my daughter” and “will you marry my daughter.” (And the creepy “Marry My Daughter Video.”)
To them, I say, leave your daughters be.
Also, no. I will not marry your daughter. I mean really. Wouldn’t that throw my own mother for a loop?
But I hear my grandmother’s neighbor is looking.
My mother, a nurse and longing for some grandbabies to spoil, started cautioning me about paying heed to my biological clock at the tender age of 21.
I turn 31 in two days and despite my best efforts I could not be further away from making her a grandmother.
Bless her heart, my biological clock hasn’t come up in conversation for many a year, nor has she ever tried to set me up with sons of friends or anything (oh wait, there was that one time she tried to marry me off to a hot waiter in Italy - but I was okay with that one…)
Is your Mom anxious for herself or anxious for you since you one day hope to be in a long term relationship that leads to marriage?
My daughter is only 15 (16 in June) but I secretly worry in my heart that I will be a meddling Mom. I think about this a lot now and try to phrase my unwanted advice along the lines of “I recommend, I suggest” so she knows that I know it is unwanted advice that I just couldn’t help blurting out. It’s just sometimes I see something coming that I feel the need to give her a heads up about.
I don’t know Charming, it is a dance with mothers and daughters. We just try not to step on one another’s toes too much. Maybe hugging her closer right now is just what you need?
Is 25 the new 50?? I have an older sister that just got married at 27 and I’m getting the whole “you’re next” comments from my mom. It’s like it’s her life long mission to get me hitched. She has even gone as far as introducing me to a lady who was trying desperately to get her son hitched so he can get into the country… Here’s how that argument went…
Mom: I’m not telling you to get married to him now… just talk to him and see how it goes..
BTRSWTCNFSN: He wants a GREEN CARD!!!
Mom: Oh that’s just a minor detail…
Sheesh!!!
My mother and I have an unspoken agreement never to discuss any personal relationships I may or may not have unless I bring them up first. We live in seperate worlds.. She resides in a land full of fantasy, in which I am still a virgin, and I live somewhere slightly closer to the real world.
She has, however, started talking about her desire for grandchildren. I am not sure if this is a hint that I should settle down, or that I she wouldn’t mind if I unexpectedly got pregnant. Either way, I am not asking for clarification.
My mother doesn’t give me so much pressure for a man in my life, just a granddaughter. I guess she doesn’t care if I’m labled a whore by the rest of the family for getting knocked up, just as long as she gets her little girl. My brother has given her the boy and now everytime we’re out or watching tv and some adorable little curly haired girl comes on, she looks at me and says “I want one of those.” She’ll never give up. I just let it go now.
That movie bugged.
Diane Keaton was beyond meddling in her youngest daughters life. I know it was supposed to be over the top, but I just wanted to strangle her!!
I have personal experience in this in that my mother tried to set me up with her exterminator! Of course I freaked out and said no way hell would that ever happen. Then one day while I was at home there was a knock on the door and my mom said oh can you get that, not thinking anything of it I went to answer it. It was the exterminator, yes he did have an appointment to exterminate my parents house but still I was mortified and shocked. Moritfied because I had just got done working out and was completely gross and shocked because he was HOT. Still I would never date him purely on principle alone, because give your mother an inch and they will take a mile.
On the other hand I have had two friends end up marrying the guys their mother tried to set them up with. When I asked their mothers about it they both said the same thing “who knows you better then your mother.” I couldn’t argue with that logic although I still don’t think its for me.
My mother is getting really desperate for a grandchild! I’m an only child and I’m 33 and still single. She used to want this great guy for me with a great job and she always taught me to be selective. Now, she doesn’t care who I date and she tells me that I can’t be so picky at my age and that I should just hurry up and settle down and procreate. Funny how they change their standards for us as time goes by.
My friends are the same way (all married, lovely) accept they think I need to “just get out more.” Huh. Because simply standing in a public place is all it takes.
My mom doesn’t drop so many hints.. and my grandma is not actually working on the baby blanket for my future child she warned me she would (’because by the time you have one, I’ll be dead,’ yes she really said that), but you can tell they’re a bit antsy. I’m just glad they’re distracted w/ other family members - a newly schizo cousin, another recently arrested for some amount of weed she says she wasn’t selling (right).. so you know. They’re busy w/ the trashy side of the family. I’m ok w/ that.
oh my mom always ask her friends if they know any single guy around my age for me. she admitted that she didn’t think she would be so worried bout my single status. afterall she was the one who constantly reminded me when i was younger not to get involved in a relationship too young.
Oh, girl, this is how it is with a Jewish mother.
Mom: I want a grandchild.
Me: Really? Even though I’m not married and couldn’t support it?
Mom: (Making her “sure, maybe” face): Mmmmm…
Since you mentioned it, I thought you might want to know why mothers visit your site. I’m the mother of a 39-year-old daughter, married with kids (as well as a 41-year-old son). Since the moment I gave birth to my first, I’ve been interested in–maybe even obsessed by–the topic of motherhood: the dynamics of these relationships, the way the culture doesn’t support us, the roles we’re expected to play–that sort of thing. My interest didn’t diminish when my kids became adults, it only shifted. And now that I’m a grandma–well, I can hardly keep up with all the issues! Also, let us not forget, we mothers are also daughters. The strange situation of being both mother and daughter simultaneously was almost overwhelming (my mother died last year). So, when I see a blog heading like “Mothers be good to your daughters,” I don’t hesitate, I click. I hope we mothers are welcome here.
My own mother has developed the charming (no insult intended) habit of mentioning to me on each birthday how old my children would be if I lived her life. Last year I would have been walking my twins to their first day of kindergarten! Little does she know, this has the complete reverse affect. I can’t imagine how she did it, and am having too much fun to want to find out. One of the best lessons my mother taught me is to always follow your own path and never settle for less than what you want, and I applaud you for doing the same.
Chuckle.
For me, it was my sister.
~firefly
For me my mom is not the problem really. It’s her sister. My mom is so tired and sad of seeing me be heartbroken that she will gladly embrace any man with a pulse that makes me smile. My aunt… Umph. I’d better not get into it because it’d give me a headache. I’m sure she means well, but …
Marcys — Mothers are totally welcome. Everyone is welcome. I just think it is funny that I get a lot of people find the blog by searching “marry my daughter,” because I’m sure they don’t mean to land on this here little blog.
Also, the title of this post was not meant as a knock at mothers. It is actually a quote from a John Mayer song. I quote lyrics frequently in my post titles.
Have a nice day
My daughter has taken her dad and I right of of her life. We don’t talk or visit. We only talk when we are going to see our 6-year old grand daughter. It is a very complicated matter. any advice, please?