I Carry Your Heart (I Carry It In My Heart) March 2, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Friends, Life.trackback
To my Best Friend (Ever), on the occasion of her engagement:
There are times when words can’t do justice to how I feel. And this is one of those times.
I don’t remember the exact moment I met you. We went to a small high school, so I’m sure I knew who you were before I actually knew you.
I do remember the first time I noticed you – sophomore year, seventh hour, Chemistry Honors. You sat behind me in that class and I thought you were a know-it-all or a nerd because you always had to ask a question or give the answer or get an explanation. And all I wanted to say as I stared up at an ancient Periodic Table of Elements and half-heartedly listened to lectures from the Nun who I’d secretly feared ever since freshman year when she caught me at my locker in the hallway during Study Hall and sternly warned me against interrupting her seventh hour Chem lecture, while I could hear her students chuckle from inside of the classroom, was, “Pushy girl, it is afternoon. And I want to be a journalist, so I won’t really be using this Chemistry stuff much in the future, so if you could keep it down and stopping drawing attention to this side of the classroom, that would be killer.”
But I warmed to you in that Chemistry class. I muddled through formulas and broke lab equipment and was a mess of quarks and Kelvins, too embarrassed to ask for help because I’d have to say, “I don’t understand any of it.” But you were bold and persistent – you always have been – and you asked the questions I needed answered. You demanded understanding.
Soon we began walking to eighth hour together. I knew we’d be friends when you helped me with my bags and books when I spent the last month of sophomore year in a cast. Then you invited me over to spend the night one weekend. I thought, “She is so cool, so confident and bold. I want her to like me.”
And you did. And then we were two peas in a pod.
We lost touch our first semester in college. To this day, I don’t know what caused us to get so angry with each other – I think it was easier to get into a fight than to say goodbye. And I’d do anything to have those six months back, knowing now what we both went through in those months, each of us having our own pain. And this is why I know I will never let anything wedge between us ever again – you are like my sister. I love you just as much. And when things go splendidly well or terribly wrong, I need to know that you are by my side.
You understand me in a way that no one else does and you will never judge me in spite of all of my silliness, my insecurities, my flaws. I save all of my stories for you – even the gross ones that end with me puking my guts up. I want you to know about the people I meet, the things I do.
These tears, the ones I’m crying right now, are painfully joyful. Knowing that you are loved completely, that you’ve found the man who not only matches you but sees your fascinating layers and complements all of the best things about you makes my heart is so full that it just might burst.
Love,
Your Overjoyed Charming Best Friend Bridesmaid
P.S. We seriously need to talk about those dresses, though. I’m now hearing the term “plaid” thrown around. You know I would wear a burlap sack with a smile if you so desired. But you also know I’m going to fight for something less … plaid-like.
What a wonderful toast.
What a wonderful friendship.
You are right to want to hold it together for the rest of your days.
Beautiful. You always know which ones are the most touching because your voice dims out and you suddenly hear your own take its place…and you see your best friend instead of hers…and feel your tears instead of empathizing with the ones falling from her eyes…and you laugh because…I SOOO would fight for something less plaid-y too!
Loved this entry. Perhaps a lucrative side career in speech writing for maids of honor and best men, just like in wedding planner.
When I told people I was engaged everyone told me that they were “happy for me”- just as I have always told people when good news was shared with me. Your post just made me rethink my flippant overuse of that particular sentiment. It seems that I would mostly take in good news with a glad heart but rarely have I ever felt unfettered joy-like you have for your friend- for someone else’s happiness. You, have expressed a joy so palpable that you touched a cranky insomniac from Brooklyn. So thank you for that.
You are totally an inspiration. The post was full of love and indeed, i was touched. You have showed the true meaning of friendship, one that is beyond just plain words.
You opened my eyes. Thank you. (:
What a wonderful open letter to your best friend. Well Done.
I wonder if any of my friends felt this way about me at that time? I don’t think so since they didn’t say it. The only person involved in my wedding that still talks to me? My sister. The rest of those people that I imagined were so close simply vanished over time.
Charming, you said one thing that surprised me: “…Knowing that you are loved completely”. Uou do appreciate that your presence in your friends life is what makes that statement true? No one person (read: man) can possibly supply what a female best friend adds to ones life. What you and your best friend have? Irreplaceable.
You are truly as lucky as she is. Err, unless she really does choose plaid.
This was such a truly touching post. I don’t really have a best girlfriend. I have plenty of really good girlfriends but I had always considered my ex to be my best friend. That is why the pain is so deep for me. Men leave.
If you are so lucky to have a female best friend of that stature, then by all means, wear plaid with pride. Do anything she wants. She’ll owe you big time, of course!
beautiful post for a long term friendship. If my best friend ever gets hitched, I think “painfully joyful” tears would be the best description.
Seriously. I can’t decide if I’m getting teary eyed because I relate, because I’m a girl, or because I’m getting older and am finally realizing just how important the important people are. That was just so great!
What a shame she may never read that (since you keep your blog anonymous, right?) Very touching. She is lucky to have a lifelong friend like you who loves her so much and can share her joy with her. By the way, if you do end up wearing either plaid or orange in this wedding, you have to find some way to post pictures of the dress! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that whatever she chooses is the most flattering dress possible for you
What a beautiful tribute to friendship. It touched my heart.
Very well written.
Brian
Thanks everyone for your kind comments. I had no idea this would translate as anything other than the tearful ramblings of a woman to her Best Friend.
I was very sad when I wrote this — not because She got engaged, but because I live a good eight hours away and I couldn’t be there to hug her and screech and drink champagne, etc. This made it bittersweet for me, but I know that she knows that I love her and that I couldn’t be more excited. So that’s all that counts.
Now I’m going to put my wine soaked self to bed. Kisses.
i wish i had friends like you
After watching “In Her Shoes” for the 6th time this weekend, it finally occured to me why the title of this post sounds so familiar. e.e. cummings. I cry during that same part in the movie every.single.time.
Just like I did when I read your post. How beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
oh, i loved this post. i have a couple of friends i could write something similar for. i have tears in my eyes. hooray for best friends!!!
but plaid, though? seriously?
hope you can convince her of something else, too!
Congrats to your best friend! One of mine married late last year and I know how much of a happiness that is.
And thanks for the post title. I love that poem and it always brings tears to my eyes (of the good kind!)
[...] said, I knew I had to check my cynicism at the door when dealing with Best Friend Ever’s upcoming nuptials. I love her dearly. She is a perfectionist who wants everything she does to be just so. I knew [...]
Whoa…
you know what’s most fascinating?
The fact that we remember little
details of instances with those
that mean so much to us.
Nothing can compare to true friendship.
I always thought of my friend like that…until I started to see that her morals didn’t exist on the same level as mine, and so my feelings are still there and I still love, but I wish with all my heart that I could love her as much as you described-and worse-that she could love that way too.
When I was younger and read books like “sweet valley high” or “the babysitters club” I figured that’s what best friends were really like. One half of a whole. Two peas in a pod…etc.
I have the barest taste of what a best friend should be.
Congratulations on being one of the few to actually have met and kept someone so wonderful close to your hearts. It’s very difficult for woman to do.
I don’t know if you understand just how wonderful your toast was. When my friend got engaged she told me it wouldn’t be for another year and a half as they saved up money. I made one comment about how during her 18-month lead time that maybe I could meet someone, get married, and have a baby before her wedding. (all said in fun, I swear) Well, that was when she thought it was necessary to remind me that there was a possibility that I might never get married.(!?) Though we have continued our friendship, I can say that we have never been as close as I thought we were because of that statement. Over time, more things like that have happened and I sadly doubt she could ever feel true joy for me in the same situation as you do. Your friend is truly lucky to have found you.
this is a great post, especially on how you intertwined cumming’s poetry with a simply charming slice of a story of a woman and her friend’s upcoming wedding…
This is fabulous. Made me tear up. I love your blog and think you should be a writer - if you are not already!
I just found your blog by way of Dayle above and now I’m a fan. What a wonderful letter to give to your BFF!
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