Mattress 1, Charming 0 March 14, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Evil Mattress of Evil, Friends, Life.trackback
I have a hand-me-down mattress. It came out of my grandparents’ guest room (I think) and I purchased a headboard to go with when I moved out of the dorm years ago in college because at some point it was just no longer acceptable for me to sleep in a twin bed.
It is a full sized bed and not a queen, but I just ignored this because it was free. I had this vision where if/when I purchase a home of my own, this bed goes into the guest room for company and I upgrade to a queen sized with a pillow top mattress and a new sleek headboard for myself (and possibly a lucky beau).
So I’ve ignored the lumpiness of the mattress and how it is generally uncomfortable, thinking, “One day I will force my guests to sleep on this bed and they will not be able to complain because it is impolite to do so.”
But over the past few months, the lumpiness has gotten progressively worse and a huge knot had formed underneath the surface of the mattress on my side of the bed. Even though I spend most nights in bed alone, I always sleep on the same side – the right side if I’m on my back. (I sleep on my tummy or side.) And I wasn’t ready to give this up for the left side, which seems so far far far away from the glass-topped nightstand where all of my essentials – nail file, a beer, cell phone, alarm clock, yesterday’s earrings, the silver fleur de lis necklace I wear most days, cuticle cream, rubber bands for my hair, my glasses, nose spray, my prescription allergy medicine and Bath and Body Works Cucumber Melon Body Butter – sit, an arm’s length away for emergency elbow dryness or sinus situations.
Sure, there’s the OTHER nightstand on the left. The one with the drawer and the doors that shut, where I keep “special” things for “special” situations and an old stack of magazines, a sudoku book and a picture of me in France. And I could move my essentials to left nightstand, but this would completely disrupt my life. I have slept on the right side of the bed for as long as I can remember and it is going to take more than a silly mattress lump to send me fleeing to the left.
But the knot got worse. I was sleeping in the most awkward positions to snake my body around it. I slept quite poorly on Sunday night, part of which I attribute to it being the end of the weekend. But the knot was getting to me.
So on Monday night I’m sitting on my bed, half watching TV and half writing. I have my four pillows stacked behind my back with my laptop on my lap. I moved and felt a ridiculous scracth on the back of my thigh. I yelped at no one in particular and threw up my hands. I had had it with the lump in the mattress. And, as it turned out, it had had it with me. I took a close look and there it was, poked through the top of the mattress, a scratchy spring that ripped my sheets and my skin.
That was it. I tore the blankets and pillows off the bed, awkwardly flipped the mattress over in a bit of a tantrum, knocking much of the contents of the glass-topped nightstand to the floor. And as I huffed and puffed and flipped the damn thing over, all the while cursing and grumbling and generally carrying on to no one inparticular about the mattress – I was mad at this mass of springs and stuffing. Irrationally so.
I put the ripped sheet back on the bed and defiantly sat down, smacking the mattress with my hand, like, “I showed you, you stupid lump! I. SHOWED. YOU.”
The next day, after a so-so night of sleep, I relayed this story to College Roommate via e-mail.
“I’m picturing you waking up in the middle of the night with this big ol’ spring poking you in the back, and I am cracking up,” she wrote me back.
I was shocked (SHOCKED) by her careless laughter in the face of my quite grim mattress lump/haven for escaped springs situation.
I wrote her back, sarcastically noting that I thought it was “HYSTERICAL.” And then later, I referred to it as my “Princess and the Pea” bed, and, well, she thought that was pretty funny too.
Although I think it had more to do with the implication that I was the Princess in this telling of the tale.
Time for a new mattress. They’re not cheap, but you can put it on lay away, and it’ll be worth it. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
Those Postropedic ones, the spongy ones, are quite nice! And *ahem* no springs :]
My mattress is really old too, and I’ve actually taken to sleeping on the other side of the bed- literally curled up against the wall. . .seems so much trouble to get a new one, drag it in, replace and throw out the old. Sigh.
Love the new blog look although can I pls be majorly-demanding and ask for a font size increase. Love the font itself, and maybe it’s my age, but I had to squint a little. . .feel free to ignore, obviously. .
I’ve gotten my mattress from my grandma too! The mattress itself is thin and old but still pretty okay. But the bed (from my grandma too) is at the end of it’s life. The lath-work in the bottom is so old and saggy that me and the boyfriend are automatically rolling towards the middle of the bed. We have to cling ourselves to the sides of the bed to stay in place. Argh.
But then again, too lazy to buy a new one.
I too got my mattress from my mamaw. It’s been in the family for years. Luckily, mine’s still in pretty good shape. I’m not feeling any lumps yet.
You know you could rotate the mattress so that you’re sleeping on the “good side” … But best to get a new one. Sleep like a baby since we got ours.
Get a new mattress, you deserve it. And being the Southern girl you are you would never really dream of forcing guests to sleep on a bad mattress….it wouldn’t be hospitable or ladylike. As for the fluer de lis…are you a KKG?
I have a hand-me-down mattress as well. It was given to me through a friend who was moving in with her boyfriend - while I was moving out and away from mine.
Mind you, there was a huge stain of SOMETHING dark and slightly sticky on the side of the boxspring. I never asked what it was, I didn’t want to know (I prefer to assume soda over vomit). But the mattress was FREE! So I kept it. Nothing a fitted sheet couldn’t handle, right?
Well, it is now in the guest bedroom. I’m writing this here as a comment on YOUR blog instead of mine so that my friends - when they come to stay - don’t go peeking beneath that sheet and get silently (and politely) disgusted. I feel you.
My bbf just got a new mattress. Update from the handmedown as well. It’s changed her life for the better!
Get a new mattress! Pillow top! Go all out!
A bed should be luxurious, not the bain of your existence!
Get a new mattress! The way I look at it, it’s an investment. Just think you got your mattress from your grandma. They last well over a decade. If you divide the cost over the number of year, it’s a cheap solution to a resting sleep.
BTW, I alway sleep on the same side of my queen sized bed. It’s a requirement for potential suitors to sleep on the other side. How’s that for a deal breaker? ;o)
You are 27, you deserve to sleep like a princess!
Pillow top is totally the way to go.
PS, I used to be a right-side of the bed sleeper for 20 years. I would not budge for anyone. Then, out of a whim, I rearranged my room and the right just didn’t feel … right. And now I’m on the left and lovin’ it!
So are you going to cave a get a new mattress yet? Why don’t you just drag the good nightstand to the other side and then sleep on the right side with all your goodies on the good nightstand?
Yep, I’ve done the big central divot deal with a prior mattress. And our bed is probably older on average than any 4 of your commentators. It was inherited from an elderly great Aunt. From Germany, imported like herself, sometime around the close of the 19th century. It’s a uniquely colored dark pea green with plenty of baroque flourishes & carvings. It has boards underneath to hold it all together. I used to be able to walk to a lumber yard by a river where we got them replaced for various reasons from time to time. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
Think of it as a form of Feng Shui - you buy the perfect mattress, and it will channel better energy. And if it doesn’t - well hey, at least you’re getting a good night’s sleep.
we have a 3 yr old cal king mattress with the extra inch on top. love it!
You know, the fact that a mattress has been around and in use for near 100 years is kind of disgusting. Get a new mattress people! Who knows what kinds of nasty things are in the cushioning and junk!
My mattress is sad and old as well - I hope to be able to treat myself to a new one this year, preferably a queen pillow top… I plan to justify it by imagining the increased quality of sleep I will have:)
Sheesh Wailin, The BED (read: frame) has been around for More than 100 years. Our Mattress has been in service for perhaps just under 9. We top it with those foam cushions to extend it’s life too, but it’s probably seen better days. It was expensive when we bought it too, perhaps close to $600. There are several local ‘mattress factories’ in many states that produce their own ‘off brand’ goods that are worth trying too. A simple cotton batting futon is worth a try too for inexpensive alternatives. BTW: By the time we went out to try and replace or add ot our ancient bedroom set (it came with the bed) we could not find anything we liked. So we had a local shop custom make us some decent sturdy dressers. They turned out to be about the same price as that cheap pressboard stuff that will disintegrate in under 30 years. But then again, who ever thinks that their furniture will or should outlast them in this day and age? Geezers. That’s who! Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
I’ll concede that point, VJ, but only because I can’t figure out how I thought the mattress was that old.
100 year old bed = groovy
100 year old mattress = not so much grooviness
And are you calling me a geezer?
I’m only 27!!
I used to subconsciously think to myself “One day I’ll have nicer things…” whether it be kitchen trinkets, or towels, or furniture. I finally realized that I didn’t know what I was waiting for - a man, a house, to really be a grown-up? Now I realize that I AM a grown-up, I can afford it, I don’t have to wait, and damnit, I deserve to have nice things! Hence my new bedding, couch, bath towels, and numerous replaced kitchen things.
Buy yourself a mattress, girl! It’ll be empowering.
It sounds like you’ve thought this through. However, I need more information on the Body Butter. The water here seems to really dry out my man skin.
I try and rotate which side I sleep on every couple of nights. The weird thing is I rarely sleep in the middle.
I can’t keep up with all the comments but the thought came to me last night… do you flip you mattress regularly? I would think then both sides would be evenly lumpy and signal it’s time to buy a new mattress.
My understanding of the mattress issue…Waiting until you have someone to share it with…I want a lot of stuff and don’t want to spend on it, until I have some imput from that special someone. And a mattress is one of those things that I want to buy with my wife…so it becomes “our” bed…and not “my” bed that we now have to fight over who’s bed do we use when we move together…I know I should probably have a girlfriend before I think about this stuff. If you can live with it for now…do so. If not get a great one you like, and then when you meet him, you can say…But my bed is new!
See?? We are even more compatible - I sleep on the other side of the bed than you do! We would be great together.
charming, i love you, because i thought i was the only person who was still sleeping on a hand-me-down mattress at our age. this post made me feel soooooooo much better. i have endured so much teasing from my friends over my hand-me-down-of-a-hand-me-down matress. i don’t even have a headboard.
my who-knows-what-stain-that-is mattress hasn’t disrupted my sleep yet. then again, i sleep like the dead, so i doubt anything short of a spring scratch would wake me.
would i like to get a new mattress? sure. but until this one disrupts my sleep, i’ll keep my shoe budget in tact.
[...] Sure, I say that in one breath and in the next I giggle about finally getting a new bed and replacing my hand-me-down one that is probably too gross for any human to have slept on and a new (albeit inexpensive) couch. I actually don’t feel bad about either of these purchases, as I let the knowledge of my goal of house-owning inform my purchases and picked pieces that would serve me well in a house later on. Plus, I’m sorry, I had a freaking spring poke through such a long time ago and I’m sure the time-tested “flipping…. [...]