Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me April 25, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Cooking, General Clumsiness and Related Stupidity, Life.trackback
After a long day I slipped into my apartment literally seconds before a deluge of rain poured down upon the world, which caused me to do a little “I didn’t get soaked” dance in my entryway. I rustled up a quick and dirty dinner of chickpea salad, leftover tuna on crackers and Pinot Gris – oh the fabulous life of a single young professional woman, all Wheat Thins and wine.
The wine simply was not chilling quickly enough in the refrigerator. I don’t know why I don’t just keep a bottle of white wine chilled at all times, but that’s neither here nor there. Planning is not my strong suit.
I slid the bottle of wine into the freezer, vowing to check on it in 10 minutes. After my close call last week, I would be vigilant in my monitoring of the chilling wine.
And then my Mom called. And then Prom Date texted about going to the cigar bar. And then Josh Groban was singing with an African children’s choir on “Idol Gives Back” and you can see how many many many things distracted me, and where this story is heading.
I remembered the wine at around 10 p.m., when I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a half glass of wine while I do my writing before bed?” And then I padded into the kitchen in my fuzzy slippers, dancing around while I selected a glass and located my corkscrew.
I peered into the refrigerator and reached into the door where the white wine goes, right in between the Smucker’s Sugar Free Syrup, a random can of Miller Lite circa May 2006, low sodium soy sauce, Newman’s Own dressing and two bottles of sparkling water. Not feeling the thin neck of the wine bottle, I opened the refrigerator all of the way, bent down on my haunches and, seeing no wine, promptly came to the paranoid conclusion that SOMEONE had been in my apartment.
I jumped upright, swiftly slammed the door and pressed myself up against the oven, peering over my left shoulder back toward the dining room.
If someone had been in my apartment, I reasoned, they must clearly still be inside, hiding in a nook or cranny or closet or in the bathtub behind the scary shower curtain, just waiting for me to rustle through the refrigerator for a beverage and then pounce. (Yes, I watched CSI tonight, why do you ask?) I felt my body tense up as I slowly slid my slippers across the floor of the kitchen. I was about two steps into the dining room when I remembered where the wine was.
Frozen solid in the freezer.
I don’t know why this bottle froze and the other didn’t. Perhaps it is the grapes? Are Argentinean grapes less likely to freeze than Spanish ones? Could it be price? Would a $13 bottle hold up better than an $8 in the face of subzero temperatures?
Regardless, I can report that my apartment is intruder-free, I have a bottle of Pinot Gris defrosting in my refrigerator and I am instead sipping lemon-flavored sparkling water as an accompaniment to my writing.
Which, FYI, is not nearly as inspirational.
D’oh! Nuff said.
Look at it this way, at least you avoided a drenching.
ha ha ha…
the terrors we single gals face - living alone and single is a wonderful adventure, complete with scary and silly.
but after that happened to me ONCE, I elected to keep a bottle in the fridge at all times - when I pull it out, another goes in. Since I am not a “cook” there’s lots of room too.
I believe it’s all about the alcohol content. If I remember correctly, alcohol has a lower freezing point, so it works sort of like antifreeze. Hard liquors don’t freeze b/c of this– the alcohol content is too high. Wine has a lower percentage of alcohol, and the % varies from one bottle to the next… so this one might’ve been lower in alcohol, causing it to freeze while others might’ve been higher and stayed liquid.
(I swear I’m not that big of a nerd… I’m just married to one) =P
Ha ha! Well, an intruder going straight for the Pinot Gris would probably be a Gentlemen-intruder…: “I am awfully sorry Madam, I took your jewellery and I apologize, but you shan’t be afraid of your life or honour please….”
By the way, in my country we have a saying which literally translates to:
“A donkey in general doesn’t bump into the same stone twice…”
I sometimes freeze leftover wine to for cooking (not that leftover wine is a habit of mine - just sometimes the morning after hosting friends/parties you find an unfinished bottle wedged in between the couch and the bookcase) - make sure you mix/shake it before you pour, as it might defrost unevenly (or, in the case of red wine, leave a grainy sludge in the bottom).
Also, if this type of thing happens to you again (it is good or bad things that happen in 3s?!), I was thinking a frozen bottle of wine might be a good weapon to use against an intruder…
At least it just froze.
I wanted to chill a bottle of sparking water and a day later (when I remembered it!) I opened the freezer door to find the bottle had exploded into hundreds of pieces. Yea, that wasn’t fun cleaning up!
Also, chickpea salad? That sounds yummy!
Yeah, those Spaniards are some hot-blooded grapes; little wonder that they refused the cold kiss of the freezer. Argentinian grapes, on the other hand, are just lazy and pointless and willing to kiss just about anything. They’re such whores, those Argentinian grapes.
Omg that is hilarious.
Don’t you love being a single woman, living alone with a huge imagination? It makes for good stories anyway.
That was hilarious. But here’s an idea: when you go home today, put TWO bottles of white wine in your fridge: one for tonight and one for the next time you want it. Then, everytime you take one out, put another in. Because THAT is NOT planning in advance. That’s just replacing a bottle.
Never having frozen a bottle of wine myself, I was curious as to how they thaw….but thanks to the insightful comments above, I see that anything is possible.
Actually, the Spanish grapes froze. The grapes from Argentina did not freeze.
And Marce, I actually DID know that hard liquor doesn’t freeze, because you can bet your bottom dollar that I keep a bottle of vodka in the freezer at all times because YOU NEVER KNOW when you’re going to have a vodka-related emergency.
Yeah, well, I still stand by my point…Argentinian grapes are whores.
Be careful of that Vodka in the Freezer. Since alcohol doesn’t freeze, the temperature can be a little as -10 F. Something that temperature going down your throat (freezeing various organs along the way) can put a damper on your evening.
Very entertaining post
i put a pot pie in the oven last night, meaning to take it out at 955pm. at 1030 i walked into my kitchen and thought “why is it so warm in here?” d’oh! the pie didn’t catch fire, thank God but i sure didn’t eat it.
GUESS what showed up on my feed reader this afternoon???
The perfect solution to your problem:
http://hometech.apartmenttherapy.com/hometech/appliances/wine-chiller-021796
And no I’m not SPAM - just a faithful reader that’s got’cho back!
Oh and Paul, I drink “vodka from the freezer” practically EVERY NIGHT and NEVER have I suffered a frozen organ related injury. The injuries related to my behavior AFTER ingestion is a different story… jk
If I had a dime for every time I have done that….I’d have a shitload of dimes.
Wheat Thins and Wine…great name for a blog!
Kate — That seriously is the COOLEST thing ever. I’m going to take up a collection to put one of those in each room of my apartment — just in case.
And I, too, drink “freezer vodka” and my throat hasn’t frozen yet. Though maybe this has something to do with adding triple sec, cranberry juice and lime to it …
Brooke, I think I’m going to call my memoir “Wheat Thins and Wine: A Single Southern Belle Tells All.” ;P (I’m definately going to add that as a blog category, which is where silly stories like this belong.)
That’s it, I’m taking away your wine!
An ex-roommate used to keep a bowling pin by her bed, as her “home security system.” I have never tried to superchill wine in the freezer, which clearly seems to be fraught with peril. I have it on good authority if you fill an ice bucket (or, if you don’t have an ice bucket, the sink) with water and ice and place the bottle in that, that cools it down in a jiffy.
For home security I have a rolling pin. It is more like a baseball bat though. I call it my “Beat Pin”. Should get that burned into it.
Hahahahaha…next time, as much as it might suck, just throw a couple of ice cubes in your glass.
Eeeew. Just doesn’t seem right. Like ice in a glass of milk. My dad does that. Tisn’t right I say!
If you drink it fast enough, you would never notice.
I totally understand - we really have overactive imaginations! Every little unexpected sound makes me question my safety… Especially after watching too much TV and reading wonderfully trashy novels….
Switch to red wine!
I always keep a couple spare bottles of wine around the apartment. My moment last week was when I bought a 6 pack of blue moon beer and accidently put it in my freezer instead of my fridge.
Also, I use a dog as my security system. But I keep a metal rod beside my mattress just in case.