Fleeting May 1, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating, Daydreams, Men, Random Musings on Life.trackback
Sometimes I think it is so unfair that some people find love when others don’t. That some people have fairy tale endings and butterflies and goose pimples and pet names, while others have bad dates, unrequited love and lonely nights.
And then I think I’m being so silly, because me not having a boyfriend isn’t nearly as unjust as people starving or dying from any number of diseases or living in violent situations or generally just being miserable.
And then I hear a certain song – right now, it is “Come Away With Me” by Norah Jones – and for a few short minutes I become all weepy, drunk with thoughts of romantic picnics and having someone to dance with at weddings and that really amazing energy caused by the hand of a man in the small of my back, all reassuring and teasing at once.
So I give myself three minutes to really wallow in a combination of hope and longing, before I snap myself out of it, head up, shoulders back and carry on with my day.
A whole three minutes, huh? I’ve been giving myself waaay too much time to wallow. Then again, with Norah Jones crooning away in the background,I can almost say that the single life? Sometimes, it ain’t so charming. Oh, but then the song ends and I’m sane again.
I hear you Charming. I get like that too - feeling sorry for my ’single’ situation and then realizing in the scheme of life I have it pretty good.
If that’s the biggest worry, you ARE doing pretty well.
I honestly think it’s healthy to have such moments. Let off the steam. Get it all out. That sort of thing. Unfortunately, reading that made me have my moment. Meanie…
I fought it for a few days last week and finally, I just let myself crumple and wallow for the duration of a song. And damn, I felt sooo much better afterwards. Amazing how that works
Always nice to have someone else put into words what I go through.
So familiar sounding - lately it has been coming and going - I don’t know if it is the spring or what.
Well, with spring traditionally being the season of love and all, it does put a little pressure on a person.
[The short scene at the order counter in the near future].
OK then, you want that added to the order ‘mam? Let’s run down the descriptions once again. Tall, dark & handsome. The gold standard, natch. Check. Suave, yet smart & college educated. A Given. Check. Gainfully employed in a white collar job where he is advancing & ambitious. OK, again a common match. Check. Funny & witty, in a literate kind of way. Check. Romantic, and knows all the sweet songs & proper moves to play. Got it. Good to his momma (& family), has no obvious addictions or serious psychiatric issues or criminal record beyond ‘youthful high-jinks’? Right. And a good dancer? Not Bi here, right? No? Obviously not. We’ll get the boys in the tech shop to work on this one special for you. The time machine’s not quite ready from the last spin cycle, we’re thinking of ‘underground’ NYC in the 1950’s or gay London of anywhere from 1930’s to the 1970’s. No, no, truth be told they Married Gals all the time. Made fantastic husbands they did, at least until the kids were grown & out of the house. And can we ask for anything much more? For such qualities in a man! I mean really. OK then. So the full order? Yes, naturally everyone wants one. Trust us on this one. We’ll find ‘em, even if we have to search the universe in hyperdrive. Backwards or forwards. Mmmm, any requirement on number of appendages? Yes, sorry, a whole ‘nother can of worms. That’s form 44-096HW. That’s going to cost big time though. But happiness, what price happiness, right?
Just a thought. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
Seriously, the ‘Cheers & Good Luck!’ throws me off every time. But funny to boot. ^_^
Well I hate to say it, and forgive me if I sound snide, but sometimes people in a relationshiop envy people living the single life. Sure you have someone to snuggle with or dance with at weddings, but you also have headaches, relationship drama, and pretty much the fact that your life isn’t your own anymore. It finally hit me last night when I had to ask Boyfriend if I could go to WV with my friend. Its not that he’s controling, its just become a common courtesey with each other, and it kind of sucks.
I say switch off the Nora Jones and put on Sarina Paris’ “The Single Life”. Its a cheesy song, but I guarantee it will put you in a good mood!
I so hear ya on this one…I just “lost” my last single friend to a totally serious, “this is the one” relationship and I also ask, “UNIVERSE WHAT ABOUT ME!?!?”
Have a great day!
I do that to…. That and to “You Don’t Know Me” the Michael Buble version.
misty eyes for a few minutes, and then back to reality.
I could have written this post word for word.
I’m on your team!
I have those feelings too. We all have moments like that. What’s good is you have identified them, allow yourself to feel them and then move on.
The good thing is that instead of focusing on what you don’t have and others do and then jumping on any relationship just so you are not lonely or desperate to find happines, one day, when happiness does come, it’ll happen by itself and then you’ll look back on your single days and go: Man! those were fun! And you got to have both parts of it all.
Here’s to us single girls!
Don’t forget about us single guys too!
ok…ok… Maybe that was a little too enthusiastic. After all, I might be a little outnumbered here… so I will play it safe…
Good to hear that your wallowing isn’t overwhelming.. I think a little here and there is healthy
I’m right there with you girlie! Right there with ya - except I wallow much longer
Hi SBC,
I came across your blog a little over a month ago and I’ve been reading all the archives. I really like your writing and I can definitely relate to alot of the things you touch on being a 24 yr old single girl in NYC with the same challenges. But I’m still confident that there is a guy out there who will compliment me. Songs and other triggers can get to me too and I applaud you for taking such a short time to wallow.
I agree with Meghan…the grass always looks greener. But, being in a relationship and being single both have their pros and cons. Right now I’m dating a guy, and it’s nice. But, I secretly long for another — who is currently out of the country for another year and a half. When I read the part about the man’s hand in the small of your back, it hit home. I love the feeling of this guys hand on my back…or anywhere…hehehehe
i agree with Heather, when you have it you don’t necessarily want it and when you don’t have it you crave it. too bad we can’t all just find a happy medium!
Wonderful post - and I definitely have the same feeling. Although then I find myself relaxing in bed with a good book and think, I could never do this if there was a man lying next to me…
I tend to wallow for the entire Norah Jones album…
I haven’t really left you many comments. Sometimes I feel that my thoughts will get drowned with the countless fans you have. But I read you. Almost obsessively. (That that as a seriously good compliment). But your entry today really struck close to my heart. I know what you mean. So many nights I have spent wallowing in my pity and drowning myself in my tears. Hell….if I can tell all the stories about my retarded first dates I would make you laugh so hard that you would pee in your pants. But that’s not the point for my comment. I just wanted to say, “Sweets….people arent always honest about how happily in love they are. Sometimes people may even be jealous of your freedom. You have something that a lot of people don’t have. You have the opportunity to pick and choose and even walk out on your date. Not-so-single people don’t have that option. Technically they are stuck. They may have a warm body next to them in bed…..but they will never tell you that they hate the warm body. I am not going to tell you to be patient and wait for your turn. Because I hated that line. But I am going to tell you to enjoy your freedom. Because it is an amazing thing to have.”
Take care
-M
Yeah, I get that way too…bleh. IT’s going to get worse as we get closer to BFF’s wedding in September. I got dragged to their engagement photo session and then went and got drunk.
Take it from the last single girl in the circle.. Being single surrounded by non-single friends is never easy but your time will come (gosh that sounded so cliche but it’s true). Being in a relationship is great but there is alot of freedom you giev up in the sense that not only do you have to consider how you feel about decision but at times you also have to consider another person’s as well.
You’re not alone in these feelings. I turn 30 next month and keep thinking…this is nothing like I imagined my life would be like at 30. I was sure I’d be married to a wonderful man and maybe have a baby. We’d be living the perfect life, etc. However, the reality is nothing close to that. It’s so heartbreaking sometimes, but then I remember that there are bigger problems in the world.
music can do that to you. even big, strong men. like me. it’ll bring you to your knees. especially if it’s a song that reminds you of moment with another person.
excuse me while i wipe a tear a s brian mcknight just popped into my ipod.
I love that you just encapsulated your pain and yet recognized that there is other pain out there that is not comparable. I feel the same many days… and then think of how I’m not suffering in comparison to others. But you know what? In the end it is all suffering and YOUR feelings are completely and utterly VALID. Nice post.
Sometimes the same thing can happen even when you are in a relationship as you look at others and think that you are your partner are missing something.
However i try not to get down and just appreciated what i have.
There is nothing wrong in having sometime to dream about things as long as like you have said you pick yourself up and carry on with your normal day - it is good that you are not letting it take over your life.
Also even in the deepest most wonderful of relationships there will always be a bad date!!!
Take care
xXxMxXx
Sometimes its nice to be single, to do what you want when ya want, also although some relationships seems great on the outside, its what goes on behind closed doors that really makes a relationship
We have all been there. I remeber having those exast feelings a time or two myself before. It will happen for you.
I love Norah Jones for her songs, but I hate it when I’m single. It really does put the knife further into your heart, doesn’t it? hee hee
Pictures of picnics in your head? Sometimes I day dream of being proposed to, but then I wake myself up and realise that it was only my teddy bear that was cuddling with me…
I think it is unfair as well. I demand a girlfriend RIGHT NOW!
It’s the days when you go to a dinner party and are paired up with the hostess’s 9-year-old son during the board games because everyone else is a couple that are the worst. This happened to me this winter. That was also about the time that I found myself standing alone at the stroke of midnight. Luckily I had a Jager Bomb in my hand… those have treated me much better than the men in my life…
I often think the same thing. Few of us who have the luxury of reading and writing in blogs can likely complain about the basics - food and shelter. In the grand scheme of things, most of us don’t comprehend the true feeling behind saying “I’m starving.” But as human beings work, we always need to strive for something and setting goals has to do with recognizing what we want.
I’m at this point (finally) where as nice as material things are, I’m tired of buying things. The satisfaction I get from them is fleeting. Despite the ups and downs of relationships and family, I (have always) know(n) that’s where I want to be. That’s what will give me meaning in this life.
Now if I just had a clue about how to get there…
My favorite Norah Jones song is “Don’t Know Why”, love singing it at karaoke!
thanks for that. been feeling the same way myself. spring fever, perhaps?
oh i totally understand this… 3 minutes to wallow? dang you’re good. i wallow a whole lot longer than that haha!
He’s out there. It just takes the Universe to put decent men with decent women like us. But have patience my dear. He’ll come to you—like a breeze in the night and when you meet and have taken the time to process it all, you’ll understand the strange, circuitous path He took to get to you. It’ll all make complete sense . Your gifts as a writer; an observer and your strengths to persevere will do you well.
You’ll be fine. We both will. Here’s to letting clarity define us.
lauriekendrick.wordpress.com
Ahh…my night was last night…the why didn’t he call when he said he would…the where is THE one…the I hate hate hate that I have these feelings…yeah…those nights…it’s bullcrap I tell you…but reading this just made me feel like my feelings are common
And that makes it just a tad bit better, right? 
Eh. Keep your chin up. Its not all fun and games. The people that have the fairy tale life will be let down by the fact that its unrealistic for everything to be “perfect” forever. Reality always kick in. The good couples survive reality, the bad ones go to court for 2 years trying to undo their mistake. Be thankful that you are not one of those people, and take advantage of this opportunity to find what you want, and who you are, so when you do have the opportunity for these romantic ideals, (and you will) you will be ready for it, and it will be all the better. Have a nice day.
But even when you find what you want, usually even more than you knew you wanted and hoped for, it seems things won’t last. I have two women in my life I love very much, neither of which seems capable of just accepting that and running with it. Again. Not that I’m perfect, far from it. But at least a good guy. Just seems to me that I’m not allowed to find comfort with another right now, at least not the ones I find the comfort with. Such is life.
I was engaged and ended it. My terms.
I dated right after-he broke it off because I was “too pretty!” (don’t ask)
—so I’ve been single for a year.
No dates.
No maybe’s.
Nothing.
Then just recently, a guy with whom I was in love with in elementary school popped into my life and we started seeing one another.
It lasted 3 weeks before he decided he needs to be alone and figure things out. (he broke up with his gf of 5 years-for me?)
So, thank you God for dangling him in front of me when I was perfectly fine being single and doing my own thing–because now I got used to the hand holding, the nose rubs, the kisses and caresses, the longing looks…..
And so I’m wallowing.
Yeah I know things could be worse…
But when everyone you know or have known is married (with kids) you really start to wonder when the hell your turn is-and what the hell is taking so long?
Bitter.
Pfffft.Please.