Famous Last Words May 17, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating, Daydreams, Friends, Life, Men, Single Girl Cliches.trackback
Just days ago, I was bragging about how I wasn’t going to flip out if Passport didn’t call because I was just so happy that we seemed to be on the same page on Saturday night. I was feeling confident, cool and sexy. One glance at the little black dress still hanging on a hook in my bathroom and a smile spread across my face.
This lasted for maybe five minutes. Because, really, has patience ever been a virtue I possess?
And, it is somewhat predictable that I’ve spent the last week checking the phone for calls, thinking about why he hasn’t called, wondering if he intends to call, beginning conversations with various girlfriends about the probability of his calling and sending e-mails updating the same girlfriends on the fact that, no, he still has not called, which I know they appreciate getting while they are in important meetings focused on issues other than my love life.
The situation is tricky, my friends say, because of the long-distance factor. He can’t so much say, “Hey, meet me for a drink after work.” Because we live more than an hour away from each other. Not that we don’t have a multitude of excuses to get together – does one really need an excuse to go to New Orleans for a weekend? I certainly don’t. But there are mitigating circumstances. Would I stay at his place? Would be hang out the whole weekend? Would we meet up as a group with Southern Belle and her boyfriend?
And, most importantly, why hasn’t he called?
Southern Belle is not a big e-mailer. I rarely get one from her that is much longer than two lines. Most of them consist of “Wine Bar, 6 p.m.” or “Margaritas, 7 p.m.” And since she’s been in a relationship for four years with a man with whom she shares a mortgage, I’m fairly certain that she’s forgotten about excruciatingly long waits for information or acknowledgement. And because I don’t want to sound needy, I haven’t been pumping her for information for fear that she’ll say something silly to Passport, like, “[Charming] has asked about you 67 times, so call her. Please?”
Men, take note. Do not ask a woman’s good friend if said woman is single if you do not intend to call her. The friend is always going to share that you asked, so save us all the time and just, you know, call.
I’m trusting my instincts and pushing the voices of doubt away. That man liked me – and why shouldn’t he! – and I’ll soon be looking back at this uncertainty and giggle at myself.
Call it hopeless optimism, but I have a hunch. And that’s enough for at least a few more days.
No advice here. Just letting you know I checked in on ya. I had thought about the whole distance thing with the last post, honestly. Do wish the best for ya, though.
I am waiting for him to call you to hear what his excuse is for not calling.
I totally agree with the men take note thing - do not ask if one is single if you don’t have the slightest intention of calling.
Good luck honey.
xXx
do NOT give up! NOT! channel positive thoughts! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you
Call him.
Then its like you both have the option of being fully involved in the start of the relationship rather than passively waiting for him to take the lead.
Just my opinion of course.
But what does it say that he hasn’t contacted her yet? Maybe I overthink things, but if there was someone I was interested who, who I knew was intrerested in me, and I had a way to contact, I would be contacting them.
Course, I’m not exactly a great example of relationship greatness either. I also can’t see to ask anyone out to start with. I have no idea what I’m talking about, actually. : /
I think that hope, even futile hope, is what keeps us single people going. So keep on hoping until the next perfect man comes along.
I’ve seen it from the other side–a woman who gives every indication she’s into me, TELLS me to call her–and then never returns the call!
Call him. I can’t imagine why he hasn’t called you yet, but life is too short to spend letting your imagination convince you (usually wrongly)about someone else’s intentions. Men can be just as insecure as women in these situations, difficult as that might be to believe. You liked him. He liked you. So, just call him. If he’s worth the effort, he’ll be impressed with your confidence and willingness to take charge of the situation. If he’s not, you’ll find out over the phone. Either way, though, you’ll know.
Wailin — Seriously, if you spend all day getting everyone stirred up about how he is not going to call, I will hurt you.
In my experience, those boys who travel can be really unpredictable…a little all over the place, even when they have the best of intentions. Regardless, good luck with Passport!
Dude. Call him. A little forwardness isn’t bad. It’s how I got my fiance.
But wait the week (or two) out.
Maybe he is doing the whole ‘wait a few days before you call’ thing? I don’t know, if I like someone I throw that out the window. I think not doing the whole wait thing says a lot more.
BTW - Little black dresses are absolutely-awesome.
Charming, if that’s a promise you have no idea the world you’re getting yourself involved with.
I’m sure he will call or you will call him. People get busy during the week, so no biggie.
I so agree- men should not ask our friends if we are single if they do not intend to call. Of course, the friend is going to tell us- that’s just the law in single female friendships.
I hope he calls you soon!
I wonder if he is sitting there wondering why you haven’t called him?
That, my friend, would be the definition of irony.
We all do this to ourselves. We find a nice guy, then fret if he doesn’t call…Give it time.
He will call. He’d be a fool not to.
I can totally relate that situation where all of your friends are so far out of the dating scene that they can’t relate anymore and you feel like a loser obsessing to them about a phone call. Maybe we should exchange phone #’s and we can obsess to each other!!
Why don’t you call him instead Charming?
I think it would be ironic if he read this blog, figured out it was him, and was just waiting to see what, if anything, you wrote about him with the hope that he would learn how to stay in your good graces. And, now that you’ve told him how upsetting it is to not have “the call” he will call this evening.
Why not get his email and contact him that way? It might be good to get to know each other a little before committing to weekends with him. Also, if there’s a real spark (i.e., more than just physical chemistry), it will come through over email just as strong. That’s how I got to know my boyfriend–email, IM, and even blogging.
It’s been almost a week, not sure why you still have hope. I’d chalk this up to not interested.
His not calling speaks volumes! You deserve a man whose falling at your feet and can’t wait to talk to you again. If he isn’t, he isn’t worth it. NEXT!!
ps. Absolutely do not call or email him! I’m a mod woman but some things about men are true. So unless you want to be running the show forever, forget him!
See, here’s the thing. He asked if you were single. He didn’t come outright and ask for your number. He may not have your number. He may not have any intention of calling you at all, but rather bumping into you again in the future.
Don’t wait for him to call. Don’t call him. If he’s interested, he’ll get in touch one way or the other. If not, fuck him. Well, not literally fuck him, but you know what I mean…
Why do women leave it up to the man? Step sometimes and see what a world of difference it can make. We are just as scared as you are.
Hi Charming,
I’ ve just about read your whole blog and believe me when I say that I can relate. The whole calling or not really drives me crazy, sometimes I wish I had never given out my phone number in the first place, just so I dont have to go through with all the drama and mystery. I have one rule that seems to make me feel better : when in doubt, never call !! I might sound 15th century, but men should take the lead for the first contact. Its all about being interested or not. Even the shyest of men call when they are interested. So, come on… go party tonight and tomorrow night, and so on… if he doesnt call, you have probably met someone else anyway !!
Keep writing + Love,
Cin
At least yours was age-appropriate. . .
As it turns out, I don’t think mine can even spell ‘Passport.’
You never mentioned in the last post that you two even traded phone numbers, so I guess that happened off the record. If you have his number, just call him already! If not, just move on; if he’s truly interested, he’ll obviously call.
Hey, I know we all do this overthinking and worry and when we do, we always come up with the worst cases. Think of it this way: You live in different cities, over an hour away. It’s only been a week, he’s working, your working. He is just getting back into his routine as to not filling his Passport… He could be waiting for the weekend knowing that you would have time to travel to his town or he to yours. This deal is not dead… This weekend he could be hanging with other friends he hasn’t seen or fixing up his place? he could have planned on another activity to do this weekend. Keep your head up, from what you wrote, guys don’t do the things that he did without the intetion of calling. give him some time. and if he doesn’t call he’s an idiot!
Call him. I’m sure you can get his digits from your friend, and he’ll be flattered that you did.
Yeah, this works both ways. It’s irritating to wait and wait and wait, and then to wait some more. And then to finally get ahold of one another, wade through the lame “busy” excuses, flirt a little, chat a bit, feel like you’re back on the same page, make vague plans that don’t get followed up on, and then to wait some more.
Guys and girls both do it, and I hate it.
Not that I’m bitter or anything.
No, he has to call her.
“That’s just how it is. DO NOT QUESTION THE LAWS OF DATING.”
If women start calling men, they will get men and single guys like me will have less single women to meet. Charming, you cannot call this guy. You must sit and wait. And if it means that you never see passport again so be it. Do not take control of your dating life. You MUST remain passive so the per cent age of single women stays up.
OK, so I met my boyfriend (who I live with and we discuss marriage) when I was in a similiar “single” place. I was basically giving up on men, and so when we had a great night of connecting (and kissing), I sort of figured, whatever it was a fun night and that’s it. He actually didn’t call me, we had a mutual friend and saw each other again that way and he tested the waters with “I really had fun that night.” Then he waited another week before calling me. Now, he had just extricated himself from a complicated, long term relationship with no future, but he really saw something there so he took the leap, although slowly by my standards. My whole point is, you can’t necessarily say “jerk didn’t call it’s over.” I’m not for holding out forever of course. I think you should ask SB if you should have hope and if she can arrange another outing. If that’s a failure, then write him off.
Aarrgh. I have so been there. It’s agonising. Wait a bit. And then if he doesn’t call, plan a casual meet with SB and him and other friends. It should be pretty clear on meeting up again whether he’s keen or not. My fingers are crossed.
Since I’m little late in commenting… I’m guessing he’s called by now.
Hope so!!
I’m a little late but…I honestly believe whether who makes the first move if a guy is interested he will make the effort to reach out to you. I’ve been the girl who always waits for the guy to make the first move, then I got tired of that and became the girl who was a little more proactive. In both cases, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t…. I honestly believe at this point that finding a significant other is truly something that happens by chance. Just do what feels right and if it was meant to be it will be.