The real reason I go to weddings May 23, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Daydreams, Family, Friends, Random Musings on Life, Single Girl Cliches, Weddings.trackback
The Bride at the wedding I went to on Saturday was perhaps the most relaxed bride ever in the history of weddings. She looked relaxed and poised – we joked that it was the two years of planning. She just had this big, happy smile on her face and calm demeanor, as if she were thinking, “I’m here, I’m wearing the white gown, there’s my husband, let’s roll.” Not to say that the other brides I’ve seen haven’t been happy. There was just something about the calmness that I found to be kind of impressive. Because I’m sure I’ll be a bawling, weepy basketcase should I ever get hitched. Both of my parents are criers. Heck, my whole family could produce a Gulf of tears if the occasion was joyous enough.
But on Saturday, there was even a moment when, after her husband said his vows, she looked at the priest pointedly and nodded, like, “I’m ready! Vows, please!”
I couldn’t help but giggle and nudge my friend, who was also trying to suppress a chuckle at The Look.
Now, I have been to a few weddings in my day and as someone who has not yet made it up the aisle, I find myself with conflicting emotions during the ceremony – joy for my friend, regret for myself and curiosity about what exactly it is that the bride and groom are gossiping about up there.
Sure, I’d like to think that they’re having some special moment of, “You’re the one I want forever and ever.” But I’m pretty sure the conversation is probably a little more irreverent. A few “you look breathtaking”s followed by some, “I am so ready for the reception” or “I think I look silly with 20 feet of tulle coming out of my head” and a dash of “Seriously, what is your cousin wearing? I know right? She looks like a drag queen.”
Not that I’m saying that weddings shouldn’t be a time of solemn reflection and love. I’m sure that, somewhere between the lighting of the unity candle and the first kiss, all of that is in there. But I am almost equally sure that a combination of nerves and excitement makes the whole thing comical to the bride and groom. You’re in this $1,000 dress with a bustle and a woman tasked to keep the train straight and lovely and you’re supposed to be all serious, but really, all you can do is giggle about how, well, the guy you met in jeans and flip flops is all buttoned up in a tuxedo.
Perhaps it is just me being shallow – I’ve been accused of that from time to time. Honestly, though I protest about weddings and needing a date and how silly I feel going, I am somewhat in awe when two people I know actually stand in front of God and everyone and profess their love and tie the knot. Because, contrary to popular opinion, I am very much a softie hopeless romantic.
And then, of course, you move to the reception. This is where I will admit that I fit the classic Single Girl Cliché of taking notes about venue, cake, band. Stone me if you like, but I’ve already picked out what I want my wedding cake to look like and I’m merely using all current and future weddings to try different flavors and fillings – and if you think about it that way, it really makes wedding hopping, even as a Singleton with nary a date and nary a prospect, kind of fun.
All of our friends seemed to start getting married at about the same time, which meant that in the 6 months before hubby and I got married, we had 3 different weddings to go to first. At first I was bummed by it… feeling like by the time my wedding came around, people would be all “do I REALLY have to go to ANOTHER wedding??”
But then I realized the brilliance of my situation. I got to see 3 different weddings in action before my own. I got to check out how they did things, what their decorations looked like, what sorts of snags they hit during the ceremony or reception, etc, and still have time to adjust mine if needed. In the end, it turned out great as every single wedding was completely unique.
As for the bride and groom at the altar… one of the couples getting married before us had this huge Catholic ceremony, mass and everything. And the priest seemed more focused on how they would HAVE CHILDREN and RAISE THEIR CHILDREN IN THE CHURCH! etc etc than with actually marrying the 2! And you could just see the bride and groom standing up there, knowing that the only thing on their mind at the moment was “OMG can we just get this OVER with already? I want cake!!” They looked so uncomfortable! It was very cute and funny. =)
OK you asked for it: ‘What exactly it is that the bride and groom are gossiping about up there, the top responses from our surveys:
(Usually by way of stage whisper…)
1.) Please make sure not to set the place on fire with your candle, like Mary did at hers…
2.) So Father Flannigan was not available so they got old deaf Father Pike? Yeah this’ll be interesting.
3.) No Mother!! I’m not going to rearrange my train for the damn picture! (Sorry Father!).
4.) Damn it all, the ring bearer made off with the real ring by mistake, I’ll be right back…
5.) (Father to son/daughter): So bottom line, what’s this going to cost me, finally? (Said between a set teeth grimace).
6.) No I don’t know where the family bible is, I’ve not seen it for years…
7.) What do you mean, ‘You feel faint’?!
8.) No, we really should have avoided those raw oysters before the service…
9.) You’re Drunk! (Still?!)
10.) It took you an hour to break out of the chains & hogties? What are you some sort of amateur? I’m marrying a Marine & a city cop, right? Look alive man! Face forward & smile like you mean it!
11.) No, I thought you had my vows honey! It’s probably in my other suit, at home. Don’t they have a ’standard version’? I’ll take that.
12.) Your cousin Alice needs more practice on that organ. (Then dissolve into giggles).
13.) Geez, no, honey, I told you that I couldn’t knell here. My docs say it don’t work like that anymore.
14.) No, I thought You invited him! Don’t worry, Uncle Guido & his boys will hustle him out later.
15.) Well she Is the mother of my child, that’s why she’s showed up!
16.) Your dad’s crowding the aisle here…
17.) OK, When can I escape from this monkey suit?
18.) Oh Wait! I think I heard something tear.
19.) Damn. I think my water just broke.
20.) What do you mean the car’s a smoking ruin in the parking lot!?
Yeah, it’s mostly about logistics when you get near the working end of the deal. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
Been to one. Was too young to care. The next I go to will likely be my ex’s. I expect shenanigans… by me… who will be completely smashed… and possibly naked.
Like you, and other single girls, I’ve made mental note of what I will and won’t do (if and when) I get married…might as well make weddings a learning experience esp since I go to about five a year!
Weddings are a hoot. I’ve been to a buttload (similar to a metric ton) in the last eight years and have thoroughly enjoyed every one of them. I accept that my carefree attitude is no doubt aided by my being a male and single and fine with both, but still…you’re surrounded by people you know and love, the food’s good, and there’s generally always an open bar. Doing the math, that’s awesome + awesome + awesome (but stay hydrated!) = awesome. I will also add that southern weddings…like, south of the Mason-Dixon flavor…rule in so many ways that it boggles my mind. They tend to be a people-watching paradise and the barbeque (sorry, Bar-B-Q) makes me weep with glee.
heehee! when i was at the altar with my ex the exchange went something like this,
him-”you look nice”
me-”look at all these people”
me again’”are you alright?”
him-”i feel like i’m gonna faint”
me-”are you on something, your pupils look bad”
him-”no, i’m just really hungover”
and i’ll tell you when it comes to cakes, nothing is better than raspberry mousse filling woo yummy!
When I was getting ready to be married and putting on the dress with all that entailed… I couldn’t help but think… I am going to look ridiculous… Talk about overdressing. haha! I couldn’t help it. I know everyone is suppose to look nice going to a wedding, but not everyone does… all I kept thinking, over and over again, was that I was wearing this huge dress with all of the glitz and glam… and everyone one else was in simple suits and black pants in a blouse. I felt like the whole thing seemed ridiculous.
Second thing… I went to a wedding with gossiping bride and groom at the alter… but I am pretty sure they were FIGHTING up there!!! She did the whole head bob thing and was in his face! hahaha! He looked like a 5 year old getting scolded! I was laughing my BUTT off! I asked her afterward what she was saying to him, and she said… something about his mother. LOL! Way to start of the vows… We didn’t stay friends too long… she turned out to be really naggy… imagine that!
I used to buy the bride magazines and pick out my future dress. I love the whole wedding thing. I’m starting to think I’ll never have it though.
Ahhh the season of weddings…. I’m more an elope or do a really small thing on the beach kind of girl.
Weddings can be really lovely. And they are DEFINITELY great places to sample cake!
Well at least you had a good time at the actual wedding - was the dress nice?
I like going to weddings only because I get to dress up. Usually, I’d try to keep quiet in one corner before anyone sees me. I don’t like being asked the ultimate mood destroying question during weddings, “When’s your turn?”
Umm, no BF around right? Maybe I’m never gonna do it. Hmmm…
I’ve been to a wedding recently and indeed it got me thinking about how I want my own wedding to be and what I’d do differently. Funny that nearly every girl knows exactly what her wedding will look like. Even when the groom hasn’t even been located.
I’ve just written a column about this. And about the right and wrong reasons to marry. I wonder how you all think about this matter:
http://www.cecile-weekly.com/index.php/musings-on-marriage/
Charming, I wish you lived in the Northeast because here, you would be very far from “spinster” status. Things would probably be different if you lived where there is less pressure to get hitched. Btw, I love your blog & you do seem like a fantastic catch.
I went to a wedding this weekend and like you, I was taking notes for myself. I also got into a little bit of a tussle over the bouquet but that’s another story.