Professionalism is the key to attracting decent suitors June 7, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Advice People Give Me, Dating, E-mail goodness, Friends, Men, Single Girl Cliches.trackback
The other day I was trading e-mails with College Roommate, she who has a lovely relationship with her wonderful boyfriend and is parlaying this into a job as one of my main counselors on issues of the opposite sex. As always, she was trying to convince me to be bold and pick up the phone myself and I was whining, which is one of my favorite things to do, really, next to sleeping and drinking wine.
She was persistent.
“It’s like going on a job interview,” she wrote. “Once it is over, you need to follow up and thank him for his time and tell him how much you enjoyed meeting with him.”
And you know, because I am me, my only option was to write a sample of such a note.
Dear Sir –
Thank you for your time several Saturdays ago. I enjoyed speaking with you about your life and how my skills and experience would fit with your unmet relationship needs. Your bold vision for the future, coupled with your very cute smile and height, makes you exactly the kind of man to whom I’d like to offer my services.
I am sure that I would exceed your expectations if given the chance to assume the position of Girlfriend. I understand that there is a trial period that will range from several dates to many months, depending on a combination of said skills and the other candidates for the position. During this period, I will be acting as a freelancer, keeping my options open to explore Boyfriend alternatives to ensure that you provide me with the greatest balance of comfort versus excitement. Once this training period is over and we have mutually determined our compatibility, I expect full benefits and an investment on your part in my future happiness.
Should you have any further questions about my qualifications or need references about my vast talents in Girlfriend-related areas, including, but not limited to, cooking, kissing, being supportive, making you feel like a Man when you’re really acting like a Two Year Old Boy, back-rubbing, laughing at your lame jokes, listening and displaying an above-average knowledge of beer and a basic knowledge of many sports terms, such as “getting to home base” and “scoring,” feel free to contact me by e-mail, cell, text message, Blackberry, instant message, Morse Code, messenger pigeon, weather balloon or smoke signal.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Many thanks,
[Charming]
My friends, they just love giving me advice.
I was thinking of making a resume to hand out, myself. And I would definately check the box for “You may not contact this former employer.” Asked the ex for a letter of recommendation, but she hasn’t delivered. Then again, I think she thinks I was kidding.
don’t call him. if he’s interested, he will call.
ever read “He’s Just Not That Into You”?
I always re-read it to convince myself not to do something stupid.
I used to think I was so bold and daring, thinking things have changed in the dating world and would approach men and ask them out. It never worked out-I might get a few dates or date for a few months, but now I know they weren’t THAT interested, just intrigued because I changed the rules.
I will NEVER ask a man out. Even if that means I won’t go on another date again = )
lol! This is why I love reading this blog. I love the way you put things and your sense of humor. =)
That is absolutely hi-larious.
Think this’ll help me get a decent girlfriend as well?
HA!
That is great. I would love to get a leter or follow-up call like that from a girl!
smartcookie — If one more person asks me if I’ve read that book, I will scream. Enough with the He’s Just Not That Into You!
Was that letter addressed to me?
In adjacent sentences, you use the phrases, “offer my services” and “assume the position”. Most men’s minds will immediately revert to the two-year old boy when seeing those things. Not because we’re hopeless deviants. Just, y’know. Because.
Oh, oh- is this written to Passport by any chance?
People tell me I shouldn’t ask guys out either. I’m starting to think I should, unless I want to head straight for the cat farm to buy something. . .
As for the book (haven’t read it, intend to hold out for as long as possible), I saw another one by the same guy- It’s Called a BreakUp because it’s Broken. Looked quite funny.
I wish a woman interested in me would approach me. As much as we like to say equality it’s equality with a catch. Sometimes, it’s nice to be approached by a woman, speaking as a man.
There are no rules, and if you think there are you’re playing a game, and if you’re playing a game you’re in middle school mode. It’s difficult, I know. But nobody ever got anywhere by always doing things by the book.. the perceived idea of a book in this case. If you could find the answer in a book, ANY book, we’d all be happily spoken for, rich, and live forever because we’re THAT healthy.
I think I’m done… any of that make sense? *sigh* Need coffee.
Were I you, Charming, I would email. Something along the lines of “Yo. Wazzup wit u?” but in your own style and standards of eloquence. But that’s just what I would do. Maybe I should email Passport for you… could be fun.
Dear Passport,
Charming wants to have your babies.
Sincerely,
Walin
PS I mean REALLY wants to have your babies.
Oh my god, this is so funny! What’s next? A resume and business cards to go along with it?? Funny!
LOL. Very funny. I’m thinking the letter probably won’t work though.
Heh - funniest thing I’ll read all day, I’m sure. Heck, if someone were to give me such a letter (tongue firmly planted in cheek, of course), I’d love it. It would give me great insight into her sense of humor, which can be just as important for men as for women, you know.
I actually read an article about how a first date and an interview are extremely similar while preparing for the latter yesterday. It was a pretty neat comparison, as comparisons go, but a bit of a stretch too. Great post, and I hope things work out with the fellow.
Kisses!
I love this! You are so clever!
I have both books, “it’s called a break-up because it’s broken” and “he’s just not that into you”…they’re so right on that I have them stuffed in the back of a cabinet as I feel like they’re always “haunting” me. 
I pretty much run when men ask me out and all the men I have had serious relationships with I have pursued. I am 37 and still single. I will no longer be the pursuer!! 
Ok that letter is perfect!!! I love it! Hahahaha…..
I don’t understand. Why don’t you call folks? Clearly you’ve got it going on… is it just the rejection factor, a courtship thing, something else entirely? I know for me it used to be all about the rejection factor but now… shoot life is so short! Might as well do what I want to do and make something happen.
smartcookie,
your argument for never calling a man yourself may be one of the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard.
that is totally perfect. can i borrow that for future correspondence? it beats writing my own… LOL
So if we should be sending thank you notes, can we also be asking for references? You know, something along the lines of “I’d like the names and #’s of three women you think you’ve pleased in bed.” And then call them up to see if they agree with what he says? ha..ha.ha…. Sorry, it’s a natural side effect of going w/o for so long, I think. I’m starting to realize that if I ever do decide to take that big step again, I don’t want to be disappointed. Is that a bad thing???
I’ve already given my opinion on the question. This is the possible response from ‘tall, dark handsome, but possibly loathsome’:
“Pls send list of skills & services w/pricing. By singing telegram if avail.”
But yeah, good steady BF= relationship writing job, might be incentive enough for some guys, given the reverse situation.
Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
Kinda sucks when the ball is in your court, hu? So many girls have asked me “why is it so hard for you guys to ask us out, I mean, it’s so simple”…. its not looking THAT simple now, is it?
He has to call you if he is interested? Not necessarily… “Don’t call him if he doesn’t call you, cause that means he is not interested”… so, am I to think that any girl that doesn’t talk to me first or calls me is not interested?
Seriously hon, put on some ovaries and call him already… just don’t date-rape him.
That is so funny Charming! And since my dating life has sucked for the past year + I will refrain for giving you any dating advice?
To call or not to call, to email if there’s no call, is text’n a real form of communication? It’s all just a little too much for this gal!
Yeah, and the email thingy, so over done by now too. Even Sophie Calle is on to it by now. Cheers, ‘VJ’
I think you should just call him, irregardless of how it would turn out because it would help you stop obsessing over him (assuming that this is Passport that you’re referring to) and move on. Believe me, I’m talking from years of singlehood experience here!!
But here’s a happy story here: Last month, I met a guy one night that I felt we clicked as friends. When he found out that I would be visiting his city (yes, long distance!) the following week, he insisted that we should hang out and we exchanged phone numbers. Again, I didn’t think much of it, other than he was an interesting guy. Aside from one text message thanking me (and my friend! he sent the same text to us) for a lovely night, I didn’t hear from him. It was only on the day I was arriving, that I texted him and asked whether he would like to join my friends and I for a play (last minute because a friend had dropped out).
We’re very much happily dating right now. He has admitted to me that I had perked his interest that night and he had thought about me that week.. but it wasn’t until I took the initiative to reach out to him, that all this has happened. I do believe long distance had played a factor. However once we met up for the play, he pretty much has indicated all signs, up and down, sideways and round again, that he is very much interested in me. And now, he does the pursuing. heh. He calls every night, has come down for a week’s vacation just to spend time with me, and I’m meeting him again next week, for extended stay.
Wish us luck!
As someone who reads cover letters for a living, I have to say that was THE BEST ONE I have ever read.
Men!
Dear Charming:
“position of Girlfriend”? “During this period, I will be acting as a freelancer, keeping my options open to explore Boyfriend alternatives”? “feel free to contact me by e-mail, cell, text message, Blackberry, instant message, Morse Code, messenger pigeon, weather balloon or smoke signal”?
Understated brilliance. Please accept compliments.
Bill
# 30 #
I’d just like to say that I think you are wonderful and hilarious. Just for this you are my FBOTM (favorite blogger of the moment). Much Love, Dayna
Why do I get the feeling the women here are revolting? Not like THAT! Men.. I think we’re outnumbered… Just hope they don’t get al surly on us.
Of course we’re outnumbered…we have always been and will be…thts why its so crazy that some of us are still single…
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Brilliant! May I have permission to copy the letter to send to suitors?!
(Umm, I’m serious.)
UNPERFECT: Thank you for giving a prime example of the point I was trying to make!!! Some of us (guys) just need a little initiative from the female population to let us know we are not gonna get bitch-slapped right across the room if we hit on you… some of us have gentle cheeks, you know (stupid aftershave)… Best of luck next week!!!
WAILIN: yea, we are SO outnumbered man… but you know what’s worst? I don’t think they even know we are here, or care, for that matter…
That letter is hysterical. You should copy it on the back of a headshot and distribute as necessary…
Wait. Are you telling me that you’ve NEVER ever called, emailed, or did the follow-up with a guy you had a date with to tell him you had a good time?
Really?
I think communication is key, and if you had a good time, let the poor guy know! Believe it or not, guys are usually just as clueless when it comes to dating and are even worse at mind and guessing games.
Guys generally don’t have a clue when it comes to determining whether or not a girl likes him or not. I say, if you like the guy, let him know. This game/rules thing that so many women play is just silly and archaic. It’s 2007. It’s okay to tell the guy you dig him…
That is hilarious and brilliant!!
(the blogger formerly known as) Single Girl — Um, why would you jump to that conclusion? I have called guys. I’ve e-mailed guys. I’ve told guys I had a good time on a date. I was just whining to one of my friends and she gave me some cheesy advice and I made a joke out of it because that’s just the kind of person I am.
Note to everyone: Just because people comment on my blog and say that THEY refuse to call men does not mean that I refuse to call men. I take situations as they come and decide what is best to do. And, yes, sometimes I don’t call because I’ve been rejected in the past. And really that is okay. I’m not actually going to start sending this letter to guys okay? Just me being kind of sarcastic and funny.
Now I’m going to have a drink. Ta-ta!
I think if I got that email, I’d waive the whole trial period, I’d be sold right there and then.
[...] this is brilliant - and I intend to draft my own version for future use [...]
Charming (dahling) -
I think you took offense where no offense was meant. My point in my comment and of my blog is not to criticize you, but merely to make a point to women in general regarding the possibility of making a first move.
I did interpret from your post (and several others) that you are a woman who holds steadfast to the “rule” of letting men make the first move. Obviously, that was a misinterpretation, as you’ve pointed out.
The advice I left here, and in my own blog, was just general advice to women everywhere, because I know of SO many women (a number of which are close personal friends) who sit back and wait for the guy to call, all while wondering like you, “when is he going to call?!” I just want young women to take charge of their lives a bit when it comes to dating and realize it’s really okay to call first!
I don’t buy into the rules, HATED he’s just not that into you, and think so much of that stuff is just CRAP. If it feels right, go with it.
That’s all I’m saying…
And for the record, I got that your letter/email in the post was a joke. It was funny.
Joe’s right. At this point we could say anything, and lacking the necessary ovaries and mammary glands we would be ignored.
It’s hard not to comment on the comments, though. And I believe that’s where most of the comments were directed. Sorry, Charming.
single girl — Just trying to clear my good name, dear.
Trust me, no major offense was taken. I actually spend half of my time being a Rules girl and the other half being more forward than that. This means I’m either slightly neurotic or completely insane, depending on how charitable you’re feeling on any given day.
A lot of my fear of calling this guy stems from rejection from the past several guys. I am very much a positive reinforcement type of person — I will do something over and over again as long as I get a “treat” for it, but if I do it and don’t get that positive reinforcement, I retreat into my cave and never want to come out again.
I do appreciate your good advice and I read your blog (I should comment more often on the blogs I read). No hard feelings. You are superfab.
wailin — I don’t want people not to comment on the comments, I, again, just like to clarify things for the record, because that’s just the kind of person that I am.
Charming - I know exactly what you mean on the positive reinforcement thing, particularly as I am retreating into my cave currently.
Does this mean that we’re all just lab rats looking for our treats?
You forgot the whole part about requiring a 3-4 week temp in case he sees you as unfit for the position and has to let you go.
We’re here to help.
LOL!!! This is hilarious. I shall link to it from my blog.
[...] Professionalism is the key to attracting decent suitors « Charming, but single Dear Sir – [...]
Oh, and I actually think calling men after a date is not such a great idea. Whatever they tell you, guys like the chase and if you start chasing them before they even decide if they liked you that might just be a turn off… and if they did like you but didn’t have the guts to tell you, who wants to date someone without cojones anyway!
[...] But Single I’ve just come across Charming But Single’s site and her post Professionalism Is The Key To Attracting Decent Suitors. In it, there’s a letter written to a man in the style of a follow up missive for a job [...]
[...] She’s funny and witty too. I love the way she looks at things. I particularly thought this post was quite funny. Imagine really writing such a letter to a guy you have just gone out with! Haha! [...]
That is truly the grandest, most hilarious, stereotypical albeit enjoyable and utterly thorough thank you note I’ve ever seen. You have talent. You have wit!
Thanks,
Camille NOW
The “several saturdays ago” line got me thinking that this was something that was not worth pursuiting?
Funny letter, like your blog.
this is cool…haha
On the issue of ‘to call or not to call’, I think it totally depends on the guy whom you are dating. I have to say… I did most of the initiation, and guess what, we are now happily married. Well, I am not saying that it would work with all men, but quite a number of women I have spoken to actually made the first move, and it worked for them as well. I don’t think there is any hard and fast rule. If the guy whom you are seeing is on the ’shy’ side, there’s no harm giving him a nudge, I think.
That is so funny. All you need now are business cards and a resume to go along with it.
[...] just come across Charming But Single’s site and her post Professionalism Is The Key To Attracting Decent Suitors. In it, there’s a letter written to a man in the style of a follow up missive for a job [...]