There are songs about all of them, Part 4 June 10, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Backstory, Friends, Random Musings on Life, There are songs about all of them.trackback
Note: I like writing these, so I’m going to try to do it more often. You can find them all here, in their own little category.
I am in a silver Volvo with windows open, careening down the street like I’m in a hurry. We have so many places to go, because we are 17 18 and if there is anything anyone wants to do at 17 18, it is get where they are going faster, sooner, yesterday. It is 1998.
My good friend, First Roommate Ever, is driving. She is beautiful, one of the most naturally beautiful people I’ve ever met, with a mess of God-given spiral curls that she hated, tan skin and a slender frame. She is excitable, loud and independent. The only person I’ve ever met who had to get an ID card before she was eligible for her learner’s permit at 15, because she needed an ID because she had her own checking account, which she balanced in Quicken. She dated older men, she kept her own schedule. While my parents were obsessing over things like curfews and trying to explain why I wasn’t allowed to just leave for school on Friday and not come home until Sunday, she came and went as she pleased and kept herself organized with a meticulous color-coded day planner of her class assignments, club meetings, part-time job and doctor’s appointments. On the outside, she was the most organized person you’d ever meet. When you looked past her high lighters and post-it notes, she was the freest person I’ve ever known.
I was too concerned with not breaking the rules, because the rules were there for a reason and other people, who were wiser than I was, made those rules to protect me. First Roommate Ever taught me that it was okay to decide for yourself, to question why, pray tell, rules were so important. To play by their rules, to wear your skirt a certain length and to use a certain kind of notebook, while acknowledging how silly such little rules were.
And on that afternoon in 1998, which could be any afternoon on 1998, really, as we flew away from school in our white oxfords and plaid shorts (or skirts if we had Mass that day), we would listen to “Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls and curse about the things that really bother high school seniors with charmed lives – getting detention for being late to History class, how that one girl in that one class should really get her highlights less blonde, because they look ridiculous about how it was stupid that we had so many rules and requirements.
Because at 17 18, after spending almost four years prostrate to the Higher Mind, who happened to be a nun, we were about to get our papers and be free, from uniforms and nuns and snotty girls in the cafeteria and parents and all of the really bad things that we thought were so oppressive.
Each time I hear that song, a little piece of me slips back into that Volvo, which we called The Tank, because we said that if First Roommate Ever was in a wreck, she would win since that model of Volvo was practically indestructible. I wanted to catch some of what I saw as her overabundant confidence – it was really her desire to skip right to being 25. She didn’t know it yet, but she was just a few years from caging herself and her carefree nature in the name of being an adult. And to her credit, she snapped out of wanting to be too grown up just in time and now she lives a lovely life full of travel out in California. And this isn’t because she never tripped along the way, but because she knows how to get up and dust herself off. She simply isn’t afraid to fall. Or if she is, she never lets on.
We don’t see each other as much as we should, though we do exchange sarcastic e-mails about how, as bridesmaids in Best Friend Ever’s wedding, we’ve already given a run down on the length of hem, the color of shoe, the tone of nail polish and the cost of our updone hair.
But sitting here, right now, with my latte and my iPod, listening to the Indigo Girls, I realize that I never gave her a proper thank you for showing me that it is only a life. After all.
I loved this post! It’s my first visit here, so I’m just taking the tour
I love how you write. Nuff said.
God, I love that song.
Beautifully written. I hope your friends know how lucky they are to be friends with you.
Nice post, ahh 1998… Not that I listened to the indigo girls, but I know all about those last few months of high school, (’96 grad) the nick names we had for friends cars…ha guys are stupid- friends car was a brown olds cutlass, the license plate was DHR338 or something like that so we called it “THE DUUURRR” or Dur mobile and that last week of school he was the guy that did the senior anouncements, and he said something like, “I can’t wait to hop in The DUURR and get the hell out of here” it was an inside joke that we got, and laughed are asses off. Thanks for bringing that memory back.
You’re restored my faith that those who came to ‘consciousness’ in the late 80’s CAN still connect to those of the late 90’s.. Indigo Girls are a bridge…
I nursed myself through a divorce via the IGs, (watershed) and slip into a (akin-to-medicated) calm state of being whenever I hear their melodic harmonies. They know.
I LOVE that you have a girlfriend who taught you that rules were meant for breaking, that beauty was in the eye of the beholder, that you were meant to be YOU…. for me, it was my post-divorce across-the-hall-neighbor, Stephanie, who is my closest friend to this day - the one person I can blubber my relationship-fears to, who listens to my never-ending chaos and laughs it away - so that I can, too - and is, without any question, my Rock of Gibraltar. That kind of woman - that kind of friend - is unquestionably the best find in the world. The best. Hands down. I’m so happy for you that you have one of your own!!
De-lurking to say that was WONDERFUL. So universal - especially as a ‘97 grad. I recently went to an IG concert and reconnected/remembered all those moments and ran out and re-bought a ton of their CD’s. It has been great to get back into it and relive those days. Their music is timeless and thank you for so eloqunetly sharing.
Oh wow! This is a really nice post that made me smile.
Such a sweet trip down memory lane! The IG’s remind me of the years I lived in Athens where they played the 40 Watt frequently. Ah, when life was simpler….
It takes true talent to turn high school memories into something anyone outside of your alma mater wants to read, but you always manage to add a universally relatable touch to every subject. Thanks for the great writing!
I’m merely here to echo what others have said before me - a wonderful post and fantastic writing. Thank you for sharing yourself here. I think you First Roomate Ever has rubbed off on you in spectacular fashion. Your writing is unrestrained, humourous and has such a pulse and eloquence to it. Altogether creating a strong and unique voice that’s a pleasure to read. I shall definitely be back for more!
Very well written. Thanks for that!!
Saw the Indigo Girls this past March in Delaware, they put on a fantastic show! That song brings ME back to high school since the song actually came out in 1987 (I graduated in 1990). The power of songs is amazing!
More like this one. Well written & about something worth thinking about more. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
I’m begining to think I don’t give my iPod enough attention. Hmm, I guess it does scream “lifestyle” with a latte by it. Makes sense. My car’s name was “El Tapir”. When the wreck came, I bent the steering wheel in two with my forehead. I guess my knucklehead was the tank. The car couldn’t be saved, though. May he rest in peace. So many adventures, it was the right way to go for him.
Thanks, this was fantastic… I may have to “borrow” the song reminder style someday. Since pretty much every song reminds me of someone or something…
I love the Indigo Girls-who doesn’t? My best friend in high school also drove a Volvo and I can remember driving around with her listening to Amy and Emily sing and belting out the lyrics right along with them. This post really takes me back.
It’s SUCH a fantastic song. When I listen to it (which is almost every day) it takes me back to when I lived near Daytona Beach for a short while. My friends and I used to make a regular habit of going to the beach and flying kites and drinking wine from jugs in the sunshine.
Every time I hear that song, the sand is back between my toes…. and my kite is floating in the sky.
Can I just say that I love that so many people love this song? 1200 Curfews came out when I was a freshman in high school, I think, and everyone I knew had this CD. It was perfect for so many feelings. I listen to their version of “Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee” daily at work because it seems to come up in my playlist often. I am sure my coworkers love to come into my office while I rock out (softly) to the Indigo Girls. I was obsessed — obsessed! — with “Ghost” for months. First Roommate Ever and I also used to rock out to “Shame On You” in the car and in our crowded little dorm room. We’d scream, “Let’s go roadblock tripping in the middle of the night …” part. Hah. And the “You know me and Jesus, we’re of the same heart, the only thing that keeps us distant is that I keep fucking up …” Which seemed to fit, since we were so, um, surrounded by religion all day in high school.
Now I’m going to be obsessed with the Indigo Girls for a month. A lot of my post titles are references to songs … I wonder how many are IG …
Oh, look. I wrote a partial post about being obsessed with the song “Ghost.” It isn’t half bad. Why didn’t I post it? Weird.
Full post:
http://charmingbutsingle.com/2006/01/07/the-posts-i-never-posted/
Relevant section:
“I am a bit of a song junkie. As I’ve previously written, I (and many people I know) associate songs with guys I’ve liked/loved/lusted after, etc. Other songs just remind me of a feeling or a place or a time and take me away for a bit.
There are albums that are staples to me. “Blue” by Joni Mitchell, “Jagged Little Pill” by Alanis Morissette, “August and Everything After” by the Counting Crows, “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy” by Sarah McLachlan … I could go on. (”Dilate” by Ani DiFranco and half of everything U2’s ever put out … Billy Joel … “Little Earthquakes” by Tori Amos … I’m going to quit now.)
I listen to these albums at least once a year, if not more. I get in moods and go through phases. It is not uncommon for me to listen to “Anna Begins” by the Counting Crows 15 times in a row each day for a week. When I get pensive, I turn to songs and albums I love, work through the emotion of the moment and then go forward.
This moment belongs to a song called “Ghost” by the Indigo Girls. (Side note: I was teased mercilessly when I was in church youth group in high school because I listened to “lesbian music.” Whatever.) It speaks of past loves gone sour and that lingering feeling that you’ll always be in love with someone — or at least in love with the way you remember things to be and haunted by possibility.
I’m not going to quote all of the lyrics, because I already feel about 14 years old writing about a song that I can, like, TOTALLY relate to. Gag me with a martini.
The relevant part:
And there’s not enough room
In this world for my pain
Signals cross and love gets lost
And time passed makes it plain
Of all my demon spirits
I need you the most
I’m in love with your ghost
I have been humming this song for days. I have karaoked it in the car whenever I was driving — traffic reports and local news be damned, I cannot be bothered with the radio when I have “Ghost.”
Psychoanalyze all you want … the song is melodramatic and doesn’t really match exactly how I’m feeling now. (Not enough room in the world for my pain? Uh, I’m not in that much pain right now …)
I think the song feels more generalized to me right now. I am constantly chasing after someone I can’t (or don’t) have, metaphorically speaking, that is. What I’m feeling right now is as close to longing for companionship as I think I’ve ever been — I don’t recall ever being so focused and mildly obsessed with wanting to be part of a coupling. (Spare me the “You’ll find him when you’re not looking!” lecture. I know. I KNOW.)
So, I’m constantly chasing after the ghost of this Ideal Man I was supposed to meet and marry and procreate with. And I come to these momentary agreements with myself — I’m not going to worry about it, I say. I’m going to let it run smoothly and naturally.
But it never fails. I’m always searching and chasing and ready, as if I can attract love just by willing it to be so. And this approach seldom works.”
[...] of Online Dating, Dating, Weddings, Friends. trackback It feels somewhat meaningful now that I was reflecting on my First Roommate Ever just a few days ago. Her strong personality and independent streak. Her silver Volvo, which carried us to many high [...]
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