The (Long) Cautionary Tale of the Procrastinating Bridesmaid October 2, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Bridesmaiding, Friends, General Clumsiness and Related Stupidity, My family is sure I will never marry, Shopping, Weddings, Women.trackback
So, you know, being a bridesmaid comes with different responsibilities – throwing and attending showers and luncheons, organizing a bachelorette party, smiling while your friend dresses you in yards of brightly-colored fabric and taking many many many phone calls about lilies, no roses, no lilies, no gerbera daisies, no gardenias. Yes! Gardenias with gerbera daisies and calla lilies!
Ahem.
You see, a few weeks ago I was minding my own business, going about my day when I saw that I had a voicemail. It was Best Friend Ever, heretofore referred to as The Bride. Now, when you are a Bridesmaid and The Bride calls, you answer because The Bride is probably likely facing some sort of crisis relating to calligraphy or something that seems VERY important at the moment and, hell, because you didn’t answer the phone she had to handwrite all of the invitations herself because she just couldn’t make a decision without consulting 60 people first, right? Right.
The Bride’s message to me, in her Most Serious Bride Voice, was, “I need confirmation from you that you have your bridesmaid dress because it has been discontinued. Call me as soon as you get this.”
And so everyone knows what happens next. Of course I hadn’t ordered my dress yet. Of course I had procrastinated because buying a dress early for no good reason would be quite out of character for me. They have racks and racks of flowy dresses that coordinate, right? Buying a dress four months in advance seems overkill to someone who changes outfits three times before heading to meet friends for dinner.
To you procrastinating bridesmaids, I caution you: Do not put off buying your dress for even one moment. Stop reading, stand up and go to the bridal store right now and buy that dress.
Because, you see, the bridesmaid industry is a racket. You see aisles and aisles of dresses in every color and size and this lulls you into a false sense of security. What “they” don’t tell you is that there may come a moment when your particular dress will be discontinued. And sure, you’ll think, “Well, I bet I’m not the only who didn’t get the dress in time.”
But you will be wrong.
Back to The Bride’s Very Important Voicemail.
Because I am clearly the dumbest person in the world, I called The Bride on my cell while I had the Super Massive Chain Bridal Store on the other line on my Blackberry.
“Did you order you dress?” she said in a low and serious voice.
“Um, no, but I have [Super Massive Chain Bridal Store] on the other line.”
“YOU DIDN’T BUY THE DRESS!”
“It is being taken care of,” I said, in a voice as soothing as I could muster. “I promise, give me 10 minutes.”
Well, it didn’t take 10 minutes. In fact, it took many many minutes (ok, two hours) of phone calls to the Super Massive Chain Bridal Store about what color I needed and trying to remember which of the sizes I’d tried on had looked best and which style exactly it was.
And then The Bride called back.
“I cannot believe you didn’t order the dress.”
“I know, I know, I’m a terrible person. I’m working on it.”
“Do I need to treat you like a child?”
“Um, YES. Have you ever met me? I am the least reliable person you know.”
“[Charming!]”
“I have to go; I’m on hold with the dress store.”
So I finally got someone to tell me that my dress wasn’t here, but that it was in Florida. A nice man in Florida told me that the dress wasn’t there and I should go to my “home” Super Massive Chain Bridal Store and have someone there help me.
“Well, that’s a problem,” I said.
“A problem?”
“You see, my ‘home’ store isn’t exactly speaking to me because I might have accused them of ruining my best friend’s special day, so now when I call they just put me on hold for twenty minutes until I hang up and call back and they put me back on hold because they must have caller ID.”
And then he chuckled. And that chuckle told me all I needed to know – my “home” store wouldn’t be helping me because I’d become hysterical and they probably deal with dozens of hysterical people with actual complaints on a daily basis, so my sarcasm and anger over my own irresponsibility wasn’t going to win me any points.
Somehow, someway, someone told me that the dress might be in Pennsylvania. It was either that or eBay and I wasn’t seeing it on eBay. If I couldn’t find it online anywhere, I guessed I could buy a lighter color and have it dyed red. Not that anyone I talked to seemed to think this option was working.
Things were not looking good for the Procrastinating Bridesmaid. One well-meaning Super Massive Bridal Store employee suggested that I could wear a different dress in the same color that would “blend.” I stopped short of suggesting to her that she call The Bride to offer that suggestion herself.
Thankfully, after a few phone calls where I used my best Sweet Southern Belle Voice, I landed on a store that had it, in the right color, in the right size, on sale for $40.
In Pennsylvania.
“Can you come get it tonight?” asked the Salesgirl, who could only hold dresses until the close of business.
“Not so much,” I said, thinking of how much a plane trip to pick up my dress would cost.
So they mailed it me. And it arrived this week, perfect, in tact, ready for the big day (next year).
Of course, I still had to tell The Bride, who, amazingly, was not taking my phone calls on that fateful Friday night. And I don’t blame her for being mad – I had three months to order the dress and I didn’t. This crisis was my own damn fault and I wouldn’t have blamed her for debridesmaiding me in that instant. Planning a wedding is stressful and time-consuming and she had every right to assume that I would hold up my end of the bargain.
So I left her two voicemails, sent her two texts and called my Maid of Honor. The Bride responded with a sweet text later that evening and called me on Saturday, amused by the whole thing, especially since the very confused Maid of Honor (who of course ordered her dress on Day One) had also called her to relay the message.
The whole ordeal seems funny now, especially when I mimic the immature fit I pitched with the store, which definitely included me saying, “Oh, I don’t suppose you’ll take back five other dresses from five other people purchased at five different stores in five different states at five different times and just let us start over, now will you!”
The thought of disappointing my best friend made those two hours of frantic searching horrible. It’s symbolic of how I’ve been treating close friends lately. Poorly, to say the least. I get so self absorbed at times that I let things slip by. And meaningless deadlines aren’t so meaningless when you’re letting people down.
The up side? I saved more than $100 while simultaneously gathering tons of fodder for a toast at the rehearsal supper.
I say you came out ahead on the deal. Sure there’s plenty of ’strum und drang’ but hey, you saved a C note Plus. I just want to also mention that in 20 years the only people who might recall the incident are yourself and perhaps one of the stores. Only truly operatic quality wedding disasters are recalled at a distance. And perhaps only then with the video proof. Otherwise it’s just hearsay. Even from the bride. We hope and trust the ceremony will go off well. The less moving parts the better. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
hi-lar-i-ous. I am so linking to this!
HAHA! I seriously just spit coffee at my laptop screen. I actually did something similar when a not-so-close friend asked me to be a Bridesmaid and then picked out the most heinous dress possible.
I forgot about it soon after the engagement party.
About 3 months before the weeding I got a hysterical phone call from the Bride accusing me of trying to ruin her wedding blah blah blah…
The phone call ended with me being “DE-bridesmaided.”
Girl drama lol
Sometimes I am glad to be a guy, and reasons like this are why. Wedding? ‘Give me a tux, good sir, and make it snappy. I have to be there tomorrow.’ If that fails, a nice suit with an appropriate colored tie will likely do the trick.
Then again, there is little reason to think I’ll be attending a wedding anytime soon. I had to work and missed the Ex’s friend’s wedding. Such is life.
That sounds very stressful and I too would’ve been freaking (!) out(!), but I’m glad it all worked out for the best.
And not only did you get fodder for a toast, you got a great blog post out of it! So maybe procrastinating isn’t so bad.
What a great post. I am a procrastinator, too. It’s a bad habit I can’t seem to shake - like an addiction or a disease. The thing is, most of the time, you get away with it. In fact, it can have upsides. (Like getting the dress on sale! Plus, whenever I buy things early, I tend to regret it. E.g., the professor says, “Oh, that textbook? I decided that we shouldn’t use that textbook after all!” and then of course the procrastination disease kicks in and I don’t return it in time for the full refund.) It’s terrible when your procrastination sins find you out. I’m so glad it worked out for you, and you managed to get the dress.
Your warning is well taken, too. I recently had to buy a discontinued bridesmaid dress - we were warned it was being discontinued, so we knew we had to do it now or never. And now, six months later? They still have the right color online in my size, cheaper. If you hadn’t posted this warning, I’d be swearing right now never to order a bridesmaid dress early again, “discontinued” or not.
LOL!!! Thanks for sharing, though I’m sorry you had to go through all the run around. At least you were able to get the dress!
Hey you know what? AS a future bride myself, while cringing at the prospect of the non-ordered dress, you get points for coming through in a crisis. This is EXACTLY why I’m not requiring anyone to wear matching dresses (they must be black and tea length - the rest is up to THEM). The craziness that is the wedding industry is already stress enough, nay?
But seriously though, I just had to tell you that the extra work you put in to actually finding the dress without causing the entire bridesmaid-dress-stack-of-cards to fall down - that shows how much your friend means to you as well. Aw.
Precious! Really. : )
Thanks for the warning. I’m a procrastinator too, so I’ll have to remember what you said about the bridesmaids dresses being discontinued!!
Apparently, saying, “Eggs, bread, milk, and cinnimon - oh, wait that it’s a wedding toast. That is french toast.” at the start of the rehearsal toast isn’t always the best of jokes.
Well, I had no idea of this “bridesmaid dress racket” but I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. Hopefully you have the right shoes…
Found you via E.B. and a couple others I read, by the way.
Well done. This cracked me up.
Seven years ago, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding and Super Massive Chain Bridal Store told her we must immediately order all our dresses because the dresses might be discontinued. Because we didn’t want to face the wrath of our friend, Bridezilla, we all ordered our dresses immediately (16 months before the wedding). Flash forward 15 months - one of the other bridesmaids gained some weight and no longer fit in her dress. She went back to Super Massive Chain Bridal Store and was able to purchase the exact dress off the rack.
Flash forward three years and I’m a bridesmaid again (different friend’s wedding). The dress she picked? You guessed it, the same dress I wore in Bridezilla’s wedding. And Super Massive Chain Bridal Store still carried it in all 500 stores.
Luckily it’s the ONLY bridesmaid’s dress I’ve ever worn that I actually liked and was able to wear again.
I just got married and the Super Massive Chain Bridal Store did the same stuff to us. I had 4 bridesmaids in 3 different states. I was told that if all the girls did not order all at the same time and from the same store, the colors might not be an exact match (work on commission lady??). All the girls ordered from their local stores when their budgets allowed and they all looked fine. I think that these chain stores are full of crap most of the time.
Also, what kind of bride is not in contact with her bridesmaids, reminding them of any looming deadlines or whatever - this is totally her fault and you should not feel bad at all
Yep….. We ordered our dresses a year before the wedding, and put deposits on them so that the bridal boutique could buy them before they were discontinued….. they never were, and in fact, they introduced the trumpet skirt that my Bride had been dreaming of, so they switched our skirts from A lines to Trumpets and did you know that trumpet skirts usually require a larger size than an A line skirt? We all thought we had up and cowed out when we tried our dresses on….. they were talking about having to put PANELS in….
It was a bloody nightmare.
AND…. said monster chain stores don’t tell you that the dress you tried on is stretched out from so many fittings. So when you order the size 8 because it fit PERFECT in the store… and the new dress is too tight, the fitter asks you “Honey.. have you put on weight?” BITCH!! “NO… I’ve LOST 2 pounds since I tried the damn dress on…… ”
Oh…and they sell CRAP for dresses…. right before the “bridal party” photos… the zipper of my dress broke. Yep….. split right up the middle with no hope of repair. So during the photos, the back of my dress was gaping open for all the see my sexy underthings.. (hey… couldn’t see them in the pictures and didn’t want to freak the bride out!) then I had to be SEWN into my dress….. oh well… at least my date had fun getting me out of it later that night.
Hilarious!
She better end up getting married to make this whole ordeal worthwhile.
PS I think you’re a great sport, being in other ppl’s weddings and all
Go you!
Another word of caution? Get the thing altered earlier than the week before. Its amazing how NOT fitting a lot of those dresses are, and the alterations can take awahile.
Not that I’ve ever waited until the day I was supposed to fly out for a wedding and THEN had the dress altered. Oh no, of course now.
Oh and did I mention I AM the maid of honor?
What a heart attack! The Bride in the wedding I’ve got coming up is just picking out a color and letting us all pick our own style. THANK GOD - none of that matching dress crap!
Always A Bridesmaid - that thing about having to order from the same store at the same time to get the same color? Complete BS. I used to work at a bridal store when I was in college so I know some of the inner-workings of the system and I’ve never heard of such a thing. The designer’s color code would be uniform for every store the dress is carried at.
Or, you could procrastinate like me, not buy the dress (even though you’re the Maid of Honor!) and then have the bride and groom call off the wedding, just like you thought they would! (And luck out because it was before you had to spend any money on a bachelorette party too!)
Charming! If it had been in Pittsburgh, I would have gladly picked it up for you. Philly wouldn’t have been so likely. And for $40, you should have asked if they had two!
I actually think you are lucky because you saved $100 and you can use it to buy clothes you can actually wear again.
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So funny! I had a (luckily irranional) fear that one of my bridesmaids would have this happen to her.
Actually, it was the dress shop, who instead of placing orders for 2 of my BMs dresses that I placed in person and paid for, decided to wait and call me a month and a half later and ask if my other BMs were ever going to come in so they could place all of the orders at once. Um, no, they got their dresses elsewhere, I ordered two from you…place the order!
Damsel Undressed - I’m from Pittsburgh too! What a small world!
That is just bad manners. The Bride should have gathered all the measurements and ordered all the dresses herself. That is correct wedding etiquette, you know.
Well one thing about the Super Massive Chain Bridal Store is that they can discontinue dresses but they can not go bankrupt… I ordered a bridesmaid dress from a small store which closed about a month later. I tried calling them to no avail until I received a letter in the mail that all orders would be honored elsewhere … I got the last dress in my size… Needless to say i had 2 heart attacks for the bride.
oh, that is hilarious! thank goodness you found it! but you should still be ashamed of yourself.
thanks for the reminder that i should be glad i’ve never been a bridesmaid!
This is quite different, but I remember when my uncle got married last year, and it was great/annoying how not only the bride & groom had 100 million things to do before the ceremony, but also those involved. Good luck with your todo list, and have a great time.
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