Saturday Night’s Alright (For Massive Mortification) October 28, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in General Clumsiness and Related Stupidity, Men, Seriously!, The Male of the Species Is Ridiculous, Weekend Updates.trackback
Saturday night was a big Halloween party out of town. I had a hotel room and matching costumes with The Lawyer and Southern Belle – black dresses, heels, different colored wigs and matching fake eyelashes. Part “sexy alien” and part just plain sexy.
Southern Belle’s Boyfriend and his friends put together the party and it was quite a production – the lot next to the house was walled off with plastic, they built a bar along the back side of the yard, brought in port-o-potties and even had a “shot bar” built into the maze of plastic walls you walked through to enter the party. Clearly they take this party seriously and we’d been warned to show up in good costumes, as everyone else would be decked out in their Halloween finest.
We met at the hotel and dropped off our cars. We knew we’d be drinking, so we arranged cabs and designated drivers for the evening and night. I’ve been trying desperately to pull myself out of my slump and a night of dancing and drinking was just what the doctor ordered.
After a nice dinner, we relived our younger days when we’d get ready to go out at someone’s apartment with music and mounds of makeup in the hotel. I felt slightly awkward hailing a cab outside of our hotel in a neon wig.
“I need to be around other people dressed like morons,” I said as a crew of young twenty-something guys gave us weird stares.
The party was a lot of fun – it seemed to mostly be couples, but there were some notable single guys in attendance. To be honest, I’d hoped Passport would be there since he’s a friend of Southern Belle’s Boyfriend. But she told me flat out that they really hadn’t seen him lately, leaving me without a real target for my costumed flirting.
Early on in the evening I had a run in with a very hot guy in a spandex costume that left little to the imagination. Spandex Guy was attractive and he knew it. He was quick to point out that he wasn’t wearing anything under his costume. At first I found him somewhat funny and The Lawyer encouraged me to flirt with him. I sipped on a Vodka cranberry and summoned up some liquid courage, but I generally found him to be aggressive, drunk and highly disrespectful of personal space. There’s a fine line between confident and cocky and he was firmly the latter.
After a few hours of mingling at the party and more Jell-o shots that I care to admit, we walked over to a nearby bar to check out the scene and I mistakenly decided to have a Red Headed Slut shot, which is when I think the evening went from rowdy fun to ridiculous. We rejoined the party and Spandex Guy found me again. If I was drunk then he was, well, extremely drunk and his antics wore on me even more. He was, I guess, trying to dance with me when I attempted to untangle myself from his grasp. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he thought I was teasingly pulling away from him, which only made him want to dance more.
And then, because this is me we’re talking about and I simply can’t deal in only mild annoyances, a dancing disaster struck.
He tackled me.
Now, I’m not talking about him innocently tripping and pulling me down with him. I’m talking about full on pulling me down to the hard, cold, slightly muddy ground with force while I screeched.
Oh. My. Word.
My first instinct while we were dancing was to laugh, but as I felt myself falling and his arm tugging against my long earrings and my skirt swinging in the wind, the whole thing went from fun to obnoxious. And once I screeched loudly some guys intervened and pushed him down and pulled me up out of his arms.
Thankfully the top of my dress was a faux wrap and the bottom was a full skirt. Because had it been an actual wrap dress, the entire party would have seen my bra, my panties and my tights even more than I imagine they already did.
I steadied myself and made it known that I was Not Amused and sulked over to a chair with The Lawyer. I pulled out my earrings from my sore earlobes and peeled off my eyelashes, which came askew in the fall.
“I am done. No more Halloween for me,” I snipped, crossing my arms across my chest.
Shortly thereafter we left, but only after Spandex Guy put an arm around me and said, “Hey, everyone knows I’m just playing, right? You know I was just being playful?”
Now, I don’t know if The Tackle was some sort of caveman courting ritual or simply a failed technique that seemed like a good idea in his drunken mind but played out poorly in reality. I suspect it was a combination of both. I don’t think he had any ill intentions; rather I think he’s just a jerk who lacks any concept of boundaries. (Attention Men: No woman I know wants to wrestle, in public, in a skirt, at a party. Ever.)
Seriously? What a tool. We can scratch “Drinking a Halloween Party” from my list of places to find potential suitors. No more flirting with drunken dudes ever. EVER.
Southern Belle’s Boyfriend took us back to the hotel and I tried to carefully climb out of his SUV, as I’d spent my more than my fair share of time sprawled out on the ground at the party. As I struggled with my heel caught in the doorway of the car, a group was leaving a bar near our hotel. A guy rushed over to take my hand.
“I don’t NEED your assistance!” I hissed. (Add “All Men Everywhere” to the list of things I was So Over for the night.)
“Aw, baby, you look like you could use a helping hand,” he said, a clear nod to the wig I was grasping and my grumpy demeanor.
And then this strange guy grabbed my hand, helped me down from the car and gave me a hug.
I thanked him, wished him a Happy Halloween and pushed him away at once.
“No more Halloween until next year,” I grumbled to my girlfriends as we rode the elevator to our room.
As much as you were annoyed by the guy who helped you out of the SUV, I’m secretly impressed by the amount of chivalry permeating the entire evening. Maybe it’s my lack of exposure to Southern men, but a few guys came to your rescue to help you up when you fell, drove you home and another helps you out of a car, refrains from outright lewd comments, and gives you a hug?! We’re definitely not in Manhattan anymore. But then again, I guess the grass is always greener…
I agree with Exposed. And my dear, you may want to consider ways that you can not resist so hard when someone really GETS that you’re in a depleted moment…I speak from many years of pretending that I was too tough for everyone!
Happy Halloween -
Gala
I’m with Exposed here too, I’m consistently impressed with the different mores of the ‘city’ types vs the ‘country’ types. You may have been In the city, but you were with plenty of folks who grew up in the country & down South. I’ve seen plenty of women groped at various parties, mostly under the influence of drink, and the relative speed and alacrity with which the general male population came to your aid & assistance seems fairly impressive.
Mr. Spandex’s sheepish explanation won’t do as an apology either, but clearly you were aware of his hazardous intent earlier in the evening. Generally when you see this walking towards you? A “very hot guy in a spandex costume that left little to the imagination. Spandex Guy was attractive and he knew it”. It’s usually a good instinct to try & avoid the coming scene. Really, it’s a very old ploy, even before they invented Spandex!
But this is probably impossible: ‘No more flirting with drunken dudes ever. EVER.’ We’ll just chalk it up to a bad evening and leave it at that. ‘Cause if you’re going to write everyday, you’re going to need fresh material. We’re glad you got home safe. The rest of us can supply mortification when perfectly sober. But this is the advanced class, and we’re sorry, Alan Coren has left the building.
Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
Wow. Yeah, Spandex Guy was just an ass all around, it sounds. Probably with or without alcohol.
I can’t say anything that hasn’t been said already. Just glad things turned out fine after the fact. Hope the hangover wasn’t too bad.
Weel, at least this will be a Halloween you’ll never forget!
Spandex Guy is completely unacceptable. SUV guy is very nice. However, I can understand how you’d feel after being mauled by such an epic ass. I hope you’re feeling better!
I too agree with exposed. I hope you get a chance to bump into Mr Assistance again as he might of been the best single guy you met that night.
I gotta jump on the bandwagon with Exposed as well. As much of a jerk as Spandex Guy was, it sounds like you were surrounded by some fine examples of male chivalry, even with the alcohol flowing.
Which is further proof (and a warning to guys everywhere) that all it takes is one apple to spoil the bunch…
Ok, I will give the guy who brought us back to the hotel so we didn’t have to take a cab and the guy who helped me out of the SUV props for chivalry.
But the guy who helped me up from the group while I was screeching because some guy tackled me? He was certainly NICE to help me, but I’m not sure I’d call that action chivalrous. I mean, some dude TACKLED me and he helped me up because he was standing there. Ten guys didn’t rush over to help me up and no one tried to stop the dude from knocking me over … I guess I have a higher standard for what constitutes chivalry.
And if you’re living in a place where people wouldn’t help you up after a terribly inappropriate guy tackled you to the ground, then I would move immediately. Would it not cross your mind to help a person in that situation?
It would definitely cross my mind to help up someone in need, which is why I felt the need to give credit for it! When I read “some guys intervened and pushed him down and pulled me up out of his arms” I pictured men in knight and cowboy costumes defending your honor and making sure Spandex Guy was the one who should feel embarrassed. It sucks that one drunk guy ruined your night (although I COMPLETELY understand how it can be tough to give anyone the benefit of the doubt after that).
And, although I do live in a city where I could trip and fall and have crowds of people walk right past without batting an eye, I like to take it as a compliment that they think I’m strong enough to get back up on my own (or they just assume I’m an extra in a slapstick movie). This in no way diminishes the value of someone offering a helping hand, which I know you didn’t need but probably appreciated all the same.
Keeping my fingers crossed that you have a better day on actual Halloween!
Sadly, most people would do nothing. I posted about a guy at work that had a seizure, fell to the pavement, and cracked his head open. I and another made concerted efforts to help immediately, but at least a dozen stood and watched. Was there much they could do at that point? Most likely not, but there wasn’t much I could do either and that didn’t stop me from trying. To their credit, most were on the phone assumedly calling 911.
I like to think they all just didn’t know what to do, but somehow I think most were just rubbernecking our of morbid curiosity. People can really irk me. I just like to think doing the right thing for someone else is, wel, the right thing to do. And also, if I were in need someone would stop and assist me. Do unto others, after all…
quoth chivalry…”the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated!
Not quite dead, but mortally wounded in many locales.
Noted in passing… VJ
AP Feed:
“British man jailed for urinating on dying disabled woman
October 26, 2007
ASSOCIATED PRESS
LONDON — A man who urinated on a disabled woman as she lay dying in the street while his friend filmed the incident was sentenced Friday to three years in prison.
Anthony Anderson, 27, was found guilty of the charge of outraging public decency in the attack on Christine Lakinski, 50, who collapsed in a street in Hartlepool, northeast England, in July.
Advertisement
Lakinski, who had physical and learning disabilities, fell and hit her head while walking home. A post mortem determined she died of pancreatic failure.
Prosecutors said Anderson, who was celebrating his birthday with friends, kicked Lakinski on the foot, poured a bowl of water over her, then urinated on her as a friend filmed the assault on a mobile phone. He also sprayed her with shaving foam in the attack which lasted half an hour.
Prosecuter Sue Jacobs said one of the group shouted “This is YouTube material” during the attack.”….
[http://www.freepress.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071026/NEWS07/71026059/0/NEWS02]
[Sorry if this is a repeat, I did not see it come up]:
Not dead, but seriously mortally wounded in many locales. From the AP Feed: [Noted in passing].
“British man jailed for urinating on dying disabled woman
October 26, 2007
ASSOCIATED PRESS
LONDON — A man who urinated on a disabled woman as she lay dying in the street while his friend filmed the incident was sentenced Friday to three years in prison.
Anthony Anderson, 27, was found guilty of the charge of outraging public decency in the attack on Christine Lakinski, 50, who collapsed in a street in Hartlepool, northeast England, in July.
Advertisement
Lakinski, who had physical and learning disabilities, fell and hit her head while walking home. A post mortem determined she died of pancreatic failure.
Prosecutors said Anderson, who was celebrating his birthday with friends, kicked Lakinski on the foot, poured a bowl of water over her, then urinated on her as a friend filmed the assault on a mobile phone. He also sprayed her with shaving foam in the attack which lasted half an hour.
Prosecuter Sue Jacobs said one of the group shouted “This is YouTube material” during the attack.”…
http://www.freepress.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071026/NEWS07/71026059/0/NEWS02
That was a fantastic post! I realize that it was an annoying night, but you wrote about it very humorously!
OK I submitted a post here 2 times, and it’s not appeared after 15-24 hours of delay. Is there any reason for this? And if it’s some sort of censorship for a citation of an AP news report, do fill us in on why you want it censored. Me, I think blogs that work well use the materials they get from responses from readers. Blogs that censor generally die slow deaths of their own accord & frightened outlook. So which is it to be? Just wondering, ‘VJ’
VJ and anyone else who thinks I’m “censoring” their comments –
The blog has a spam filter in place. I get a TON of spam comments. More than 26,000 since I moved to this domain and off of blogspot less than a year ago, which is interesting when you consider that I only received about 6,600 ACTUAL comments in the almost three years I’ve been blogging.
Spam comments are really annoying, they make reading comments on a blog difficult and once spammers get one comment through, they start trying to get more through and eventually can crash your site. (I’m not hosted on my own server, and I doubt they’d crash wordpress.com, but stranger things have happened.) In addition to this, many spam comments link to Web sites that may contain offensive content and/or spyware and trojan viruses. So blocking spam comments actually protects the readers of this blog.
Weird, long links get caught in the spam filter. Comments with more than two links in them get caught in the spam filter. I moderate the spam comments at night, but if I come home and have 300 one night, it is highly likely that I will just delete them all in bulk. It sucks because the occasional legitimate comment gets deleted, but that’s the only way to keep us all from having to read 100 junk comments a day.
If you or anyone else thinks comments are being intentionally deleted, please drop me an e-mail before you accuse me of censorship. I’ve only purposefully deleted two comments in my almost three years blogging. (Someone reported a blogger who was stealing my content, I had her remove the offending content and then removed the comment so people wouldn’t go to her site to beat up on her after she’d complied with my request.) I’ve been called names, criticized, told I’m a bad person without morals, etc by commenters. And I’ve left those comments up, sometimes replying to them, sometimes not.
FYI, a lot of blogs moderate or heavily edit their comments. I don’t do that, though I certainly understand why bloggers do and reserve the right to alter my standing comment policy at any time.
Cheers, Charming
Thanks for resurrecting my post C. I understand about the filters, thanks for the fuller explanation. I also know from my experience that you seldom did censor, hence my pique. Thanks for explicitly outlining which of the posts that are most likely to hit your filters too. Sorry for any trouble by my misunderstanding. I imagine some of my past comments would never get by the newer filters too. Now it’s off to work. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
[I had thought there was a shorter 'neat' BBC link to that story, but alas I could not find it.]
VJ = pwned
<3
I’m unfamiliar with the insult/comment Wailin. If you want to make it in plain English, do so. Thanks, ‘VJ’
Pwn is a slang term that implies domination and/or humiliation of a rival. It sprang from the similar term “owned” and is used primarily in the Internet gaming culture to taunt an opponent that has just been soundly defeated. Examples include “pwnage” or “you just got pwned”. It can also be used, especially by non-gamers, in the context of getting “pwned” by The Man.
The term was one of 16 to appear on the 2006 “List of Words and Phrases Banished from the Queen’s English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness,” released annually by Lake Superior State University.
Not really an insult, VJ, cause I was just teasing ya.
This is the kind of story that is so bad, you almost want to say it couldn’t possibly be true, but of course it is. It’s too bad that Tiny Tim in spandex had to ruin the night. I swear Halloween seems to almost always turn out to be more trouble than it’s worth.
That’s about what I thought Wailin. And it’s no wonder I don’t use it. VJ
VJ. You’re a wanker. Get lost.