Hope Chest November 19, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Bridesmaiding, Cooking, Family, NaBloPoMo, Shopping, Single Girl Cliches, We Get It -- You're Stressed About Getting Old, Weddings, Women.trackback
I’ve been in maternal, homemaker mode for quite some time. At least, that’s the only explanation for how I’ve been acting. Doting over babies, sighing over little kids, heart leaping over wee Halloween costumes and cooking nonstop – double batches of my favorite spinach side dish are already frozen, waiting for Thanksgiving, right next to three loaves of pumpkin bread dotted with chocolate chips, made with pumpkin puree leftover from a glorious pan of pumpkin bread pudding (inspired by Smitten Kitchen, suggested new tagline: “I read Gourmet so you don’t have to.”).
On Saturday as I was browsing with Southern Belle, I came across a tiny black and pink plaid dress with a sparkly bow, suitable for baby’s first(ish) Christmas. As I ran the material between my fingers, I let out a dejected breath.
“This is the kind of thing I want to just buy and pack away for another day,” I said, placing the hanger back on the rack.
Southern Belle examined a metallic baby sweater dress and nodded, offering that she knew people who did that.
“Do you know someone you could buy it for?” she suggested.
I thought to myself that of course I couldn’t pack away baby clothes for another day – what would people think if they knew I was harboring booties and receiving blankets and rattles?
“No, I don’t know anyone with a little baby girl. Plus, I don’t need to buy a baby dress.”
“No?”
“Because then I’d be That Woman,” I said forcefully. “The one hoard baby clothes and packs them away for a rainy day when she is nowhere near having a baby. Not in a million years do I want to be her.”
And all of that lead me to wonder – is That Woman really that bad? It isn’t wrong to want something with all of your heart as long as you’re realistic about it. I’m always so worried about scaring guys off by saying I see children in my future or being seen as desperate or that one day I’ll die in a tragic high heel-related accident and when they come to clean out my apartment, they’ll say, “Look at this drawer full of baby stuff, right here next to all of this unfolded laundry and this pile of unopened mail in the room next to that messy kitchen with a refrigerator full of half-eaten takeout in boxes and a few stray beers. What a sad, sad lonely woman.”
I’m not sad and I’m not lonely and, well, I do really want kids. I used to declare that I wouldn’t even think about kids until later, when it was practical, when it wouldn’t interfere with my career, after I’d been to Italy and Thailand, when the world was less scary. And I wouldn’t manhunt with kids in mind.
And it isn’t practical now, as I have a few details yet to be filled in. And, yes, the world is still pretty big and far from perfect. But, damn it all, I like children and I’m here to tell you that actually having them is probably much less glamorous than I think it is when I’m making faces at a baby in the grocery store, but I don’t care.
So I’ll be That Woman. That Woman who tears up watching “Martian Child” and gets a lump in her throat over tiny baby shoes. I’ll be that woman who is looking for someone who also loves and wants kids, because, well, I’m never going to be happy with anyone who feels otherwise. And I realize that I have time and that some of this longing is caused by hormones with a splash of nerves about my impending 28th birthday, The Bride’s forthcoming nuptials, College Roommate’s future engagement, my brother’s to-be-set wedding date, next year’s 10 year high school reunion and far too many hours spent browsing wedding photos of casual acquaintances and classmates on Facebook.
But, no, I didn’t buy the dress. I mean, I don’t want to be That Woman today.
Give me at least another year to find the perfect storage system.
I know how you feel…sometimes I have to stop myself from buying cute little Ralph Lauren dresses. And trust me, I am no where close to even wanting children yet. And not to mention, who says we’re going to have girls anyway? With my luck, I’ll have all kinds of cute girlie outfits stashed away, and then I’ll have a gaggle of boys.
My saving grace is the four friends with girls and boys under the age of five in my life, so although I am TOTALLY that woman I can cover it under that really generous “auntie”.
I say horde away! Who cares what they think once you’re gone, because you’ll be in a heaven surrounded by wine waterfalls, five minute gourmet meals and fabulous clothers, a land full of gorgeous guys and beautiful babies where the cure for dirty diapers is singing to them in your pitch perfect voice…(sorry got a little carried away!)
I just think it shows you’re going to be a good mommy. Hey we study for every other path in life, right?
But the numbers and expectations are clearly on your side; again, the Census tells us that a bit over 80% of all women 18-50+ will get married sometime in their lifetimes, many several times as a matter of fact. Of all women, married or not, closer to 90% currently can expect to be mothers. So pretty natural & normative expectations. Have a Happy Birthday & Thanksgiving. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
That’s why nephews are so great. I can indulge all my maternal-ness on him and then go on my merry way. As I said the other day, most babies get tons of toys as gifts. My nephew gets tons of clothes. And my first niece better watch out!
PS-that pumpkin bread pudding recipe is making my mouth water!
Whenever I’m feeling that maternal urge, I call my frazzled cousin who’s a mother of 3 under the age of 5. 10 minutes of listening to the details of her chaotic life and I’m quite happy to sit back with a glass or 3 of wine and relish the peaceful easiness of my life.
All that stuff will come in due time, enjoy where you’re at now because this is only temporary.
Is it bad that every month I silently hope that I’ll have a baby on the way? But then realize that it’s crazy just about the time that Aunt Flo comes to visit…hmmm…I’m already That Woman. Just don’t tell my not-so-ready-yet boyfriend.
Great post. It is so true that there are things that women are allowed to want but not when we’re single. What’s up with that? I can’t turn off my mind that way and if people around me are getting married and/or having kids, why can’t my mind go there? This has always been a complaint of mine and I thank you for being willing to admit it too. We just need to convince everyone else its ok
I enjoyed your post. While it is not quite the same thing, I will say that even though guys may not vocalize it as much, we go through our own little kid dreams. Most guys think about getting to teach their son to throw a ball or taking their daughter on father-daughter movie dates. We don’t talk about it as much. I realize it is not the same thing, there is nothing tangible that we are purchasing, I suppose my point is that there are a lot of guys out there who really want kids as well.
Your comment about Martian Child totally cracked me up. I decided a long time ago that I don’t want children, but the trailer for that movie made my biological clock tick just once.
John Cusack adopts a weird kid? Come on, who wouldn’t fall head over heels in love with that??
I’m actually not a big fan of babies, but to me you sound less like That Woman and more like someone who has a good understanding of who she is and what she wants. Of course, this is coming from a very single girl who carries around the specs and jewelers’ business cards for two potential engagement rings.
I’m going to make that pumpkin bread pudding for Thanksgiving! I’m glad to hear it will be “glorious.”
warm bread is often, glorious.
Hey — important recipe FYI. Like Smitten and most of the commenters on Epicurious, I doubled all of the spices. And I omitted the bourbon because I have young cousins.
This would also be great with nuts.
Embarassing but true, that I might, just might, have the perfect grey raw silk pant suit with matching hat in my “re-gift/gift chest” for a small human of say 12 months. I bought it because I loved it 4 years ago. Knowing that many of my friends were having babies it would be the perfect gift. It has never left my house. 15ish babies have come and grown in our close group of friends and still it sits in the chest….waiting for my little princess.
there are often times that i encounter myself wanting to do things that i fear place me in a certain “that woman” category — i.e. drinking wine alone on fridays, spending money arbitrarily when i’m emotional, or longingly looking at baby clothes although i know THAT stage is years away…. but i love how you said you’re NOT UNHAPPY even though you do those things… it is easy to judge others we see doing that stuff and to think OHMYGOD i never want to be HER… but there are so many things i’ve become that i thought i never WOULD become… but i’m still happy… most days….
like your perspective :o)