The Bridesmaid Countdown December 5, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Bridesmaiding, Friends, Listing is fun and easy, My family is sure I will never marry, Single Girl Cliches, Weddings.18 comments
So The Bride (aka Best Friend Ever) and I were chatting the other night about getting into the Wedding Home Stretch. Though she’s had a snag or two, she seems relatively calm and ready. I’ve been busily making preparations of my own for her upcoming nuptials, as they are six(ish) weeks away.
The done:
- Purchased plane ticket for upcoming bachelorette party
- Arranged transport with Maid of Honor from airport to The Bride’s house for weekend of said party
- Purchased dress (remember how fun THAT was?)
- Scheduled pre-Christmas eyebrow waxing
- Arranged hotel stay for wedding (will bunk with fellow bridesmaid First College Roommate)
- Gained approval for days off from work for wedding festivities
- Solved dry skin dilemma (I’m sure I’m jinxing myself, but I’ve been using Nivea Body Essentially Enriched lotion for “very dry, rough skin,” because we all know how I am about my elbows, and I am impressed.)
- Located dress for Rehearsal Dinner (opted to wear Christmas party dress, as wedding is in January)
- Scheduled hair appointment for the Wedding Day (fine, The Bride did that for us)
- Google Mapped the hotel and reception locale
- Grumbled each time I see the promos for “27 Dresses” (fine, it looks cute and I know I’ll see it because Katherine Heigl is my new girl crush)
- Attended one shower
- Purchased one shower gift
The undone:
- Scheduled pre-wedding eyebrow waxing and mani/pedi
- Purchased plane ticket for wedding (plans hinge on a family member)
- Determined how to get a floor-length gown to fit into luggage suitable to be carried onto a plane without crushing and/or wrinkling said dress into oblivion, because after all I went though to get it, the damn thing is NOT getting checked so that the airline can lose it)
- Purchased silver shoes for wedding
- Assessed the bra situation with said dress (must make crucial halter v. strapless decision)
- Purchased wedding present
- Purchased gag gifts for bachelorette party
- Returned RSVP card
- Purchased teeth whitening strips for pre-wedding smile touch-up
- Planned post-reception Wedding Party drinking extravaganza
- Located lost digital camera
The not happening:
- Finding a date for the wedding
- Coming to terms with the fact that this all is really happening
I’m sure I’m forgetting something that is very important that I’ll remember as I step onto the plane. Isn’t that how it goes?
There is one thing that I am dreading, putting off, probably never going to do. I am unsure how the toasts are working for the Rehearsal Dinner. I need to talk to the Maid of Honor about her plans, as it is improper for a bridesmaid to outdo the maid of honor. That, of course, is merely an excuse. I have no reason to believe that there is any problem with me offering a toast at the dinner.
I just don’t know what to say or how to put it or what words are right. And this is made more frustrating by the fact that I write, well, all of the time. By the fact that I am professional writer of things for other people to say. By the fact that, oh dear, The Bride often comments that “[Charming], you just have a way of putting things.”
Truth be told, there are a million things to say to the woman who most gets you on the occasion of her marriage. For the life of me, I can’t narrow it down to just one. And my eyes well up at the thought of it, so I’m putting this off until the end, or maybe not at all.
I have this inkling that in the moment, standing there with glass raised, I will pause and look at my best friend, sitting next to her future husband, surrounded by our friends and their families and the words will just come the way the tears do now.
Getting practical about things December 2, 2007
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Being Southern, Dating, Family, It's a strategy, Men, Seriously!.33 comments
Well THAT was quite a college football season, now wasn’t it? I had my little football loving heart broken not once, but twice, in a season. I’ve cursed more while watching football in the past two months than when I’m watching a presidential debate or the evening news. And that’s saying a lot.
So as we all start making our National Championship plans and I groan that I won’t be there, in person, to witness the victory, I am looking back on my football accommodations this season. I had tickets to one game and it was an insane nail biter that we won, albeit at the very last second. Anytime someone brings it up, I say, “I felt like the world stopped and everything was in slow motion and then everyone went nuts and I knew we had won and the kids around me started crying because they were so startled by the noise.”
And while tailgating was wonderful and fun, I simply did not spend enough time in the stadium, which is a damn shame. I can’t afford season tickets on my own and my family doesn’t have them, so I am left to scrounge and beg for extra tickets. And, well, this just has to change.
And so I have come to the only logical conclusion for a woman in my situation. I need to marry into season tickets.
Sure, I could go halfsies with a girlfriend, but you start at the bottom of the season ticket food chain, which puts you at the top of the stadium. And then there is the issue of what if someone wants to bring a date and so really then we’d need four tickets and, well, I can’t afford two tickets myself, because if I could, I would have them.
So this is my pitch. My personal ad for a fellow fanatic interested in a future of football, tailgating food, cocktails and kids. Enjoy!
W4M (with tickets)
Wanted: Single Male holder of pair of football season tickets for dating, accompanying to football games and eventual marriage and procreation.
Interested female in her late mid-twenties. Catholic, big family, loves college football, beer and children. Will pay up to half of the cost of the tickets, plus a share of traveling expenses related to attending road games and post-season conference championships and bowl games.
Further, will help coordinate libations and foodstuffs for tailgating, including, but not limited to, baking blondies and brownies, assembling seven-layer dips, procuring various salsas and chips, organizing necessary buns and condiments, seasoning appropriate cuts of meat and assuring the availability of needed paper goods, such as napkins, cups and trash bags.
Has experience in setting up tents and canopies. Understands why it is necessary to park one (1) loaded-down car near ideal tailgating location the Friday evening before the football game. Will take an active role in the logistical aspects of tailgating missions and also tactics by which to taunt opposing teams, including, but not limited to, lowbrow chanting, the writing of clever slogans and the cataloging of reasons why said opponents suck and/or blow and/or bite. Is proficient in Adobe Photoshop and wields a mean hot glue gun. Has previous experience in college football-related T-shirt decoration and design.
Further, understands tailgate attire includes school appropriate clothes and accessories versatile enough to be worn comfortably all day, throughout the game and out to the bar to celebrate our victory. Will not be caught wearing high heels to the stadium.
Willing to provide up to four (4) chairs-in-a-bag, one (1) mix CD of school songs and inspirational tracks and one (1) tote bag ice chest that holds at up to twenty-four (24) canned beers. (Though interested female would like to point out that her favorite beers come in bottles and not cans.) Skilled in making mimosas, screwdrivers, vodka crans and jack and cokes.
Parents and grandparents are local and would likely provide some free babysitting during football season should that ever become and necessity. Family will most definitely give tailgate-appropriate gifts, such as monogrammed polo shirts, Championship memorabilia, flags for our home and many, many accessories for our children. No one would be offended if the first words our children spoke were those of our Fight Song.
Single male holder of tickets should be tall, slightly cuddly, professional with enough job flexibility to take a fall road trip or two each year, and able to light a barbecue pit, know the appropriate lyric of the National Anthem during which to pop champagne poppers, sing both verses of the Alma Mater, deal with the fact that single female seeker of tickets paces and curses during close games and understand why pickled okra is necessary to a good Bloody Mary.
