I wish nothing but the best for you both January 7, 2008
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Advice People Give Me, Cooking, Dating, Fashionable Ranting, Friends, Men, Really. Bad. Habits., Sad but true, Single Girl Cliches, The Male of the Species Is Ridiculous, Weekend Updates, Women.trackback
Saturday evening, after seeing “Juno” with my girlfriends, I decided to pick up a few things for dinner and head in for a quiet night of watching Season Three of The Office. My ankle still hurts and I’m heading out on Thursday for a whirlwind wedding weekend, so a bit of relaxation was in order. I stopped by a new gourmet market to browse and wait for food-related inspiration.
I was rolling through the aisles aimlessly, trying to decide what to cook. And this led me to a logical place – the meat counter. You see, I’ve been working hard in my post-vegetarian months to build dinners around meat instead of adding it in at the last minute.
So I’m looking at different cuts of meats – incidentally, I went with chicken breast and later made the world’s worst chicken. I’d meant to make a nice Parmesan crusted chicken breast, but oh did I crash and burn and end up with a lumpy mess. But, of course, I didn’t know that that this point.
What I did know at this point was that, gee golly, I was about to have an encounter of the uncomfortable kind. Because as I looked up from the applewood smoked pepper bacon, I spied a familiar face. One I’d only seen once in person but studied extensively via MySpace before coming to the conclusion that, yes, I was cuter than she is.
It was The Nurse’s Girlfriend, in all of her not me glory.
Whereas I looked put together – a rose-colored sweater with a cowl neck, wide-legged trouser jeans, flats, with my hair pulled back and simple makeup with glossy lips – she was not only wearing what I assume was an oversized men’s polo-style red plaid shirt and, horror of horrors, a SKORT.
Now, I know it is impolite to mock your ex’s current fling, especially when she was unfortunate enough to bear his spawn recently, but I really don’t care, because this isn’t actually about her right now. Girlfriend was wearing a denim skort. A pair of denim shorts with a faux skirt flap in the front. The definition of frumpy. And I should have just giggled and went about on my merry little way, happily not saddled with a child by a soulless liar. But at that moment, my New Year’s Resolution to find the blessings in my daily life fell from my mind and all I could think was, “He dumped me for someone who wears a skort.”
My maniacal fashion judgment gave way to the realization that she probably wasn’t alone. And I was right – The Nurse and Their Child were right behind her.
And, yep, I was there in my cute outfit, but hopelessly alone with a package of chicken breast and two baking potatoes. As I peered at him holding his baby and perusing the aisles, the blood drained from my face and I fumbled in my purse for my phone and called Southern Belle.
“Are you busy?”
“No, just painting my nails. What’s up?” she asked.
I told her I needed someone to distract me while I finished my shopping because I could not risk having to talk to the happy family.
And it turns out that I was going to need the distraction. Because they were everywhere – at the meat counter by the pork chops. In the deli section by the sliced cheeses and the prosciutto, comparing babies with another couple with an infant. At the seafood case by the scallops. In the produce section by the portabellas.
I was skillfully dodging him while carrying on my conversation and silently seething about how much I hated him for dumping me without bothering to give a reason and then occasionally dropping back into my life to flirt or suggest that we reunite for a night. And really hating myself the most for caring so much at this point and for letting him remain under my skin when I should have banished him like the poisonous rash that he is.
But as I went to replace a package of gnocchi on the pasta aisle, he was leading his brood down the same aisle and we ended up face-to-face. We made direct eye contact, he nodded and smiled to acknowledge me and I managed a weak smile and turned my cart around.
Later, as I walked to my car, I moped to Southern Belle.
“It isn’t him,” I said. “It is that he just dumped me for no reason, or at least if he had a reason he didn’t share it. And now he’s dating some woman who just doesn’t seem to be as fun as I am and he keeps popping up and making inappropriate comments to me and telling me how awful she is.”
“Yes, it would be easier if he were just gone.”
“Right. And, I’m sorry, she was wearing a skort.”
“Excuse me? His girlfriend was wearing a skort?” she asked.
“Yes, a skort. A denim skort. Like we wore in 1993. When we were 13.”
“Oh dear, I see why you’re upset,” Southern Belle said. “I don’t think there is any good reason to wear a denim skort out in public. Ever.”
“And this means I am officially the girl who got dumped for no reason so that her guy could go off and date a skort-wearer,” I said.
“The sad truth is, you’ll probably never know why he dumped you. And that’s crazy, but at least you’re not still with him,” Southern Belle said.
And she’s right. There isn’t always a tangible reason you can see for why a man dumps you. And that needs to be okay, because sometimes you’re the one the guy lusts after and the one who makes his heart pound.
And then other times you’re just not what he wants. And so, inexplicably, you get dumped for the girl in the denim skort.
Ummm a skort? I haven’t even heard that word in years. Wow. No words. If he’s a skort-girl-lover, you don’t want him anyway. Seriously.
eek, awkward! at least you managed to avoid having to talk to him…
men. they’ll always be a mystery…
Cattiness in women is quite amusing to me
In her defense, how long ago did she have the baby? Many women take months to get back to any semblance of their pre-baby shape, and as horrid as it is that skort may have been the only item of clothing that fit her on that day. Before this, that skort may not have seen the light of day since 1993.
I say this mostly b/c I just feel sorry for the poor girl, who’s now stuck with a baby by a father who’s utterly worthless, and you should be counting your lucky stars that he dumped you and that you’re not her.
Yikes, I’m sorry you had to go through this. But I agree you’re the lucky one!
Okay, so I don’t know if maybe she is carrying some baby weight still because I’ve never met her. The baby is like six months or nine months old, I guess? And I suppose it is possible that the skort was a necessity and not a choice. My context clues of calling her the skort wearer was a bad skirt, bad hair and bad lipstick and previous pictures seen on MySpace.
Oh Southern Belle and her voice of reason. So true that sometimes you just can’t understand why somebody dumps you for another person. I really needed to hear that too right now, so this post came at just the right time.
And you just know that he was thinking “OMG what have I done?” as he compared you side by side to his skort wearing baby momma.”
And now: You MUST listen to the song Ugly Girl by Fleming and John:
When I saw you at the grocery store
you were sharing a shopping cart with her
and I couldn’t turn and run away
I didn’t know what to say
you introduced us for the first time
and I had to look her in the eye
but you could not imagine my surprise
can’t you see you’re leaving me for an ugly girl
does she talk about politics and all the stuff that used to make me sick
does she smoke cigars and stay up late oh she’s so great
does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she can grow a beard
I’d feel better thinking you were queer
it’s not fair I can’t compare to an ugly girl
ha ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face there’s no way
do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold can’t you see
you’re leaving me for an ugly girl
Moreover, a denim skort in the first week of January…the mind boggles.
Skort lol I like that the majority of the post inolves a skort. Skort wearers over the age of 13 are creepy, to be honest.
Love you post, you are the lucky one, I too, have been through this. As years pass I realize how lucky I am. Thanks for letting me lurk around.
hahahahaha!! Where do you even buy a skort these days?? Wow. CLEARLY by the Nurse’s choice of the skort-wearer, you are better off without him! It showed that he had no taste by dumping you in the first place, but THIS tops the cake! He did you the biggest favor!
I think it’s hard to see the ex not only for the feelings, but because you were dumped -in part- for a woman who wears a skort. I’ve always thought that if I get left, it’d better be for someone who is AT LEAST good looking and well-put together as I am. Getting left for someone that you feel is a “trade-down” I feel is a bigger shock than a “trade-up”. How, we wonder, HOW did you go from elegant me to frumpy her?
Then again, they’ve done you a favor. And I agree with Southern Belle, we may never know why we get left, but we do know that in the end we are the ones better off without the person who left us.
I actually had a similar situation happen to myself on New Year’s Eve. I looked over and saw him holding hands with this other girl who isn’t cute at all. It’s not that I was mad it’s that my pride was hurt.
How long has it been since you dated him? Skort or not its time to move on.
I have to agree with everyone above- you are SO lucky that you didn’t end up with him. That could’ve been you in the skort
New year, new man. That’s what I hope for you, Charming. You certainly deserve it!
Weren’t Skorts officially banned in 1994? There must be at least some law that she broke, other than being a fashion abortion.
Good call on the cell phone, it is great in a jam.
I thought it was illegal to procreate with skort-wearer’s.
I was attending a party where I knew the “new girl” would be, I was completely stressed to say the least and went through hell trying to look just perfect. Amazingly when I met HER, she was so, so, well not cute and I couldn’t help but laugh and think, “if this is what he really wants, well go for it!” And maybe, just maybe it showed me that love really is more than what’s on the outside.
I definitely feel for you but oh did I laugh out loud at the idea of seeing that girl in a skort!
I run in to my ex and his new girlfriend ALL THE TIME. We live in the same neighborhood, go to the same bars and resturants and stores. It used to make me feel good to make fun of the fact that she was wearing sneakers and baseball cap out to dinner and things like that. But after a while, making fun of her made me feel worse. She is a good person - she donated her hair to kids with cancer, she coaches a tween girls softball team, she is probably an organ donor. I am a good person too. They are just better suited than he and I were. Eh, life just sucks sometimes.
A SKORT!? I thought those things were banned back in 1999!!! Oh my!!! You poor thing…it’s okay…maybe he likes to wear skorts on the weekends and you just didn’t know…maybe?
Wow - I can’t believe she was wearing a skort - that is so pathetic!!
Wow, a skort. iIt’s been so long I forgot that word existed. Oh that’s horrible.
And totally awkward! But think about, wouldn’t you rather be the cute girl he could of had insted of the frumpy skort wearer?
I’d like to announce here and now that I (gasp!) wore I skort on the first day of high school (1994). But I haven’t worn one since then either. Secondly, just move already. C’mon, Lake Chuck could always use more fun, trouser wearing gals.
Oh my God. This post made my heart ache because I can’t tell you how much I relate to it. All those unworthy jerks that I’ve dated, no matter how much I wouldn’t get back with them - EVER - running into an ex when he’s with someone else, and you’re alone, totally sucks. Especially when she sucks. There’s just something soooo unfair about someone so terrible not being alone when you are. It just doesn’t seem fair! You’re so much cooler - why are they the coupled ones?
Everyone is right, it’s time to move on. I’m sure you tell yourself that all the time. So do I. And most of the time I do - I’m great at being single. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, sometimes.
Oooh, that must be tough, running into an ex all the time. Luckily for me, right now, all the women who’ve dumped me live far, far away.
But Southern Belle is right: I don’t think one ever knows the real reasons one gets dumped…
charming, you got alanis stuck in my head.
Isn’t looking great the best revenge?
I would venture to guess that Baby Momma’s next conversation with her best friend went something like this:
BM: Oh god, I’m mortified. The Nurse and I ran into Charming in the supermarket and she’s just so damn…together. There I was covered in spit up and looking like shit because I haven’t slept for months and (this is the worst part) wearing a skort because I haven’t yet dropped the baby weight and she walks by looking completely polished and unflappable.
BF: Yeah, but you got the man honey.
BM: I guess…but I couldn’t help but notice him watch her walk away.
And because she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, she didn’t tell the friend that she worries The Nurse would be with you if not for the baby, but she still thought it.
P.S. For all they knew, you were taking those potatoes and chicken breasts home to make dinner with your new man.