The Wedding Weekend January 15, 2008
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Bridesmaiding, College was Fun, Forgive me while I ramble, Friends, Full of resolve, My Misspent Youth, Sad but true, Single Girl Cliches, Weddings, Weekend Updates.trackback
I’ve finally had time to sufficiently rest from and process Best Friend Ever’s wedding this weekend. I’d expected to be sad and sniffly that the woman I’ve so often commiserated with was leaving me all alone in my singleness. And aside from a few tears upon seeing her glide down the aisle, all glamorous and beaming in an ivory gown with the biggest bridal bouquet that I ever did see (and a giggle when her veil got caught on her tiara when her parents tried to remove it), I didn’t feel heartbroken or alone or sad.
I felt a mixture of excitement and relief for my friend. And that’s me being completely, brutally honest – and this may make me a bad person, but I really did think I’d be cynical and bitter, not because I don’t want her to be happy, but because of my own jealously.
I surprised myself, I really did. Because it was ultimately uplifting and reassuring to know that her husband is caring and committed and loving and funny and interesting and warm. I know her past exploits and I wasn’t lying when, after a few cocktails, I danced with him and said, “We really are so happy for you and we know that you’re the right man for her and we all know that she got her a catch.”
Don’t get me wrong – I’m so terribly jealous that my two best buds from high school are married and that my rock from college is engaged. I want what they have. I want the lightness in my step, the gleam in my eye and the arm around my waist. But I don’t resent them for their happiness like I used to. Maybe it is the New Year and growing older and coming to terms with any number of things about myself, but I don’t blame anyone else for me being lonely right now.
But back to her wedding.
At some point in her perfect planning, she just threw up her hands and said, “All that matters is that I’m married at the end of the day.” And this pleased her and calmed her frantic planning and things fell into place and those things that didn’t really didn’t matter anyway.
And I hobbled down the aisle in my cast boot with a groomsman who, ironically, also had a bum foot from surgery. We all danced the night away, I may (ok, I did) give alcohol to a very underage boy who promised me he was 21 and Best Friend Ever’s younger brother, who at age 18 is a freshman in college, looked at me during a dance in a curious tone and said, “You know, I’ve heard some stories about you. I’ve always thought you were her wild friend.”
I half expected him to end the sentence with “Mrs. Robinson.”
I just smiled, narrowed my eyes, motioned to a fellow bridesmaid and high school classmate and said, “If you want wild, dear, you go talk to her.”
OK can I be jealous that you weren’t jealous? You’ve made me all whimsy-ish which I’m sure is not really a word but it’s how i feel!
Nice passing of the buck there Mrs. Robinson, she’s so gonna pay you back!
I want to know what kind of 18-year-old boy is still a tattle-tale?! Or was this “curious” tone filled with more devious implications than I’m reading?
Either way, sounds like an overall great weekend. I LOVE that you got to hobble in-synch down the aisle with a fellow cripple, a subtle reminder that you are not alone in ANY of the issues currently bothering you.
And you know, as old friends start to pair off, when you start to feel like the only single girl in the universe, you need only scroll your bolgroll. It can be almost as comforting as chocolate.
It is suprising that you get in the state, where you can be truly happy for them even if you would like to be in their shoes. Bitter-sweet moments. It also means one is growing up and getting wise.
Personally, I hope I can be happy for and not jealous if I’m in a similar situation. Luckily nobody I know is getting married anytime soon.
Good for you! Feeling happy, proud and satisfied for other’s accmplishments is a great sensation and it truly shows maturity. You’ll time to shine will come, it does for everyone, you just have to believe it will.
i think that is the perfect and also totally reasonable response - and im so glad you had fun! i’ve been reading for a while and i dont know if i’ve commented before but i love the blog and its great to see you having fun and enjoying things!
Mrs Robinson reference… cracked me up!
Oh Charming, you cunning girl. Nice moves!
I’m with ya on the feeling alone at night part. I want the arm aroung my waist and the lightness in my step too…and it’ll come, someday. I hope. I’m glad the groomsmen you walked with was a cripple as well…that’s funny! And cute!
Oh yeah…I get the “I thought you were the wild one” comments all the time…seems they think that smoking rolled up paper in 7th grade is still wild. Hmph. Oh well.
I’m glad you had a great time and that you were happy for her.
p.s.
Yay to dancing with the groom after a few drinks and giving him your approval! That’s my move! haha…
I think this just really proves she really is your best friend, that you want what is best for her and what makes her happy no matter. That’s the way it should be with friends. Bravo!
So glad the wedding went so well! : ) Isn’t it an absolutely wonderful feeing to be so happy and excited for such a good friend, and to know that her life is headed down such a wonderful path? There’s nothing wrong with being jealous (trust me, I know), but it’s also nice to just feel happy for someone you care about. Hope you had fun on the dance floor with all the groomsmen!
The envy thing happened to me once or twice, I think. Then, like with you, it went away. I think it has to do with the fact that I began to find inner peace with where I am in my single life. Glad you had a good time!
Hey Charming, I’m glad you had a good time and could feel the happiness for your friend….Male perspective from a soon to be 30 year old singleton- you wrote, “her husband is caring, commited, loving, funny, interesting, and warm…” - now it could be just me, and I don’t want to come off sounding bitter…but I am willing to bet a million dollars, that a guy with all those qualities you just listed is just waiting for you, but like some women (and I’m not saying you do this) don’t give that guy a chance to see that side of him. Or some just say they like that stuff while sitting at a wedding alone. Or Only want that stuff when it’s wrapped in a package of tall, dark and hansome, and fits the image of their “the perfect man” - I know it’s easy to see those qualities in the new husband of your best friend…someone I’m sure you have gotten to know over the years, and someone who, I’m sure, your friend has shared secrets about, like on that first date he did “this” for her or on that one special day he did “that” for her….I’m also sure that she may have even told you some of the things that he does that are “guy” things and can be annoying or bothersome to women. But because you know how he makes your friend feel you can look past those things, and being at the wedding just puts all those warm and fuzzies in the forefront.
Charming, I’m sure I’m reading way too much into this…and I’m sure I’m coming from a bitter point of view dealing with my own dating history the past few months…I don’t want to upset you, and that’s not my intent…all I can say is..give that guy a chance that may seem a little too caring, loving, committed, funny, interesting, and warm. Because I know those can be some of the same qualities that women complain about too.
I think its awesome to feel genuine happiness for someone else, especially a close friend. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone and just because you are not married doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. We fill our lives with what gives us pleasure and find others that share those pleasures. Besides, I’d rather be alone and happy than together and miserable and there is plenty of that out there cleverly disguised.
Awww. It’s such a good feeling to know you can be happy for your friends and take responsibility for your own unhappiness/lonliness. I think that’s awesome. Not that I’m saying you’re unhappy or lonely, but you know what I mean. It’s just good to be happy for people and not let your own life get in the way
This was a great post. I too was a part of a best friends’ wedding but I didn’t feel jealous either (like I thought I might). I don’t want to get married just to get married. I want the relationship … not how it looks to others.
I think it is part of getting older: you learn to separate what you’re feeling (or wanting & desiring) from what those you care for have, and you don’t feel as jealous of them as you might have when you were younger.
Which isn’t to say that you won’t. But, hey, we’re only human.
It’s great you realized that you were happy for your friend and not jealous because that is how a friend should be. Great post!
see! you weren’t jealous and cynical because you really truly love your friend. And that friendship pushes the other stuff out of the way.
Now, what about that gimpy groomsman?
I am so happy that you had a great time. I am also glad that jealousy took a seat back and you were able to be the best friend you could be. I hope your foot gets better quick.. Did you get ya some numbers at least?????
Still Single!
I’m glad you were able to be there for your friend and genuinely support her on an important day. I’ll be doing this with my best friend from high school, and it will be WEIRD. I’m really happy for him, but I definitely know where you are coming from.
btw, I agree with most of what Maverick said. It goes both way too, I know I miss out on great women because I’m really picky with what I am looking for, but I guess it is a work in progress.
I felt the same way at my best friend’s wedding. I was so totally single that I’d recruited a friend from grad school to be my date. But that night, I realized that I didn’t want her husband, I wanted the right one for me. But on the whole I wasn’t all that good at waiting!
Sounds like a great time!!
really nice post, honest & funny. you obvious felt a mixture of
vicarious joy and of envy, both totally natural feelings, and you express all that well. you’ll have your day — the weddings can’t all happen at once! and your friends will cry at yours, because they know you waited so long (and so impatiently!).
mimi of sexagenarian and the city
Wow…this brought back memories. My BFF got married couple years ago and I was happy for her… few days ago she found out she’s pregnant and I’m still happy for her. But damn it…what about me? Who’s happy for me? lol…maybe I should do like Carrie in Sex in the City and marry myself
Damn jealousy!
I was one of the last of all my single friends to get married. I hear ya. I ended up meeting my husband online. http://sistersofadifferentorder.blogspot.com/2008/01/matchcom-success-story.html
everything alright? missing your posts = )