Vague (Your guess is as good as mine) February 17, 2008
Posted by charmingbutsingle in General Clumsiness and Related Stupidity, I will never ever actually admit to this ever, Really. Bad. Habits..trackback
Say you’re on the verge of doing something that will be a lot of fun in the short-term, but will probably be a mistake in the long run. But not a huge mistake. No one will die, it isn’t illegal or unethical. Your expectations are clear. Crystal clear.
You’ll end up grumpy at the end of it all, sure. But you were grumpy before it happened and you can pretty much be sure that you’ll stay in grumpy equilibrium – you won’t be grumpier in the end than you were in the beginning.
And while you’re doing the thing that you know will ultimately only bring you short-term amusement, you’ll at least be amused and occupied at the time.
Yes, say you’re about to enter murky waters and you know, from the get go, that what you’re planning on doing is just a temporary fix. Do you go for the immediate gratification anyway or do you do the sensible thing and wait it out and occupy yourself in the meantime?
That’s the problem, it’s the murky waters that make these the tough decisions. And as much as we like to think we’ll be exactly the same after we make it, it’s impossible to predict- we could be grumpy, or happy, or more angry than we were to begin with.
But, I’d probably go for it. I’m an instant gratification kind of girl.
You know, I’ve been presented with similar situations, and usually gone for it - but in most cases ended up feeling worse than before. In my case, a good vibrator and a pint of Cherry Garcia took care of the problem.
By the way, if you haven’t read, “The Last Single Woman in America” by Cindy Guidry yet, get thee to Amazon and pick it up. Hilarious writer from New Orleans transplanted in LA - she writes stories we all have lived and offers some great words of wisdom that us young ladies can really benefit from. I can’t say enough good things about it.
Have a great President’s Day!
Marissa
Well, judging by my actions this weekend, I would say go for immediate satisfaction. But, really, the wise thing to do would be to wait for whateever it is that you want and is to come. Right?
Rules were made to be broken… even if they are your own rules.
Go for the satisfaction. You know for sure it will be gratifying, but you only suspect it’s a mistake. Advantage: gratification and satisfaction!
I speak from experience when I say go for it. At worst, you’ll learn something. No regrets, right? Anyway, instant gratification sure is funn!
I have to agree with Exposed. You can never predict whether you will still feel the same way afterwards.
I had a decision to make a couple of months ago, I went with the instant gratification route with exactly the same reasoning as you. And now? At the end, now that it is over? Even though, I feel probably ten times more worse than I felt at the beginning and unexpectedly so…
I have no regrets. Because sometimes something not lived is the greatest loss of all, you know?
Wow indeed. We can only suspect that the BB fella works fast. We always knew he was a pro! Me, it took me until middle age to see the advantages of ‘going along to get along’. But then I’m considerably more grumpy/cranky than you are. I say sit tight and wait for a better offer. Minor short term amusements are fine. So is reading. One will provide enlightenment that might last a lifetime. The other is just a way to pass the time trying to keep from being bored. ‘The trouble with all too many youth/people today is…” that they’re never quite comfortable with themselves and a quiet room alone with a book or just their thoughts. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
But… Charming… not if it’s the douche from the cigarbar, Blackberry Boy! he’s so douchey… Mind you, I’ve almost done this a couple of times with the same reasoning, and then before actually hooking up with the guy in question, dropped everything because I know he’s a douche.
Dear God. I am NOT talking about the Blackberry. After three glasses of wine and only four hours of sleep one night I still knew it was a bad idea. Nope.
At the risk of reading too far between the lines, I believe I’m having a similar internal debate myself… He’s 23 (I’m 28) and still thinks his four years living in dorms are going to be the highlight of his life. But I’m starting to think that if you go into it with clear intentions, a new (and amusing!) experience is always better than the “wait and see” option. Partly because life is short, but also because there’s nothing sexier than a girl who’s getting some!
DIVE IN??? I dunno Know LOL!! I say Live on the Edge a little , Oh hell Charming I am confused LOL!!!
Single!
Since I can never foreknow the outcome of my rash decisions, I do them and then regret them later. Rinse, repeat.
Glad to hear you knew whatever it was isn’t good for you and you didn’t go for it. Sometimes being bad can be fun but if you have to think about it, you know it’s probably not a good idea….
I will only say that I wish I’d have went for immediate gratification. And regret sucks. So please go have fun = )
I’m confused by something. If you’ll end up no more grumpy afterward than you were before, and you’ll have fun in between, and your actions will not be illegal or immoral, why does this result in your action’s being a mistake in the long run?
If you’re talking about climbing a mountain or running a marathon, absolutely. The pain is worth it.
If you’re talking about doing something with someone male who may or may not be a schmuck and you’re already girding your loins for disappointment, then you probably need to re-evaluate how dearly you’re willing pay for short-term amusement. Because it’s never cheap.
Emotionally, I mean.
I’m assuming you’re not in the market for a male prostitute.
Too many times have I gone for the instant gratification and too many times it’s been so not worth it. I know you’re in a bad place now but making this decision isn’t going to help and it actually might make you feel worse. I usually feel worse. But know that whatever decision you make things will ultimately look up even if they are completely down right now.
I’m all about short term satisfaction even if the long run doesnt leave you any better off. HOWEVER that’s only if you are the only one affected. If it could hurt someone else in the long term… I steer clear. Otherwise, why not?
Assuming it’s a short-term not serious fling with a guy, I’d say hold off unless you think there’s decent potential of it turning into something that you want long-term. What if you’re having short-term fun and other long-term possibilities pass you by, whether you know it or not (you’re not out meeting people b/c you’re with him, or a friend meets someone who would be perfect for you but then remembers you have something else going, and then sets him up with someone else)?
I… am an instant gratification kinda gal.
Go for it. No justifications required
I agree with anonymous. Plus I have a feeling this is about the Nurse and so there’s a good chance that other people could be affected. But just overall you already know you’re not going to feel better. You think you won’t feel worse. But you can’t know that you won’t feel worse at the end. Chances are quite likely that when he (whoever he is on the off chance it’s not the nurse) ends things on his terms instead of it ending on your terms as you’re imagining now that it’s it’s still going to hurt. In fact being rejected by a guy you’ve already decided isn’t long-term material is probably going to hurt more than being dumped by someone you didn’t consider beneath you. Might not happen but it’s a possibility in which you end up feeling worse than you do now. And besides if you’re entangled with him you could end up missing someone way more suitable.
Life is short, as long as you know what you’re getting into and being honest with yourself, go for it!
life is short. you dont know what can happen tomorrow, and you cant even be sure of what the outcome of your decision will be, you can only guess.
so go for it. live it up, and have fun =)
Assuming the guy isn’t married or one of you exes that you’ve already had one painful experience with-Go for it. Really, you’re too young to be cautious. If it all goes bad that’s what Edith Piaf, gin and ice cream is for.
The murky waters are just that…murky. I said in the end if you can live with any consequences, repercussions, etc and it makes for a good story, sure, go for it. However, if there is something that would be a better use of time that won’t leave you in the grumpness after, do that instead.
We are talking about a sex dilemma here, aren’t we?
“Do you go for the immediate gratification anyway or do you do the sensible thing and wait it out and occupy yourself in the meantime?”
So it’s a tossup between immediate gratification with a partner or waiting it out and masturbating the time away?
Hey, you know what they say…he who waits, masturbates.
I try to avoid any situation that might make me grumpy.
Judging from your post, I think you have an idea that it might be a terrible decision and you’ll be happier not making it.
Good luck!
Grab the things that add to you, and resist, if possible the things that may not add to your long term happiness, or that may change or affect you in a bad way. Vanessa above mentioned use of time, and that should be a factor.
I didn’t read any of the responses (yet), but I’ll offer this advice). Go ahead and have random sex, it’ll do a body good.
I am doing it right now! I”m dating a guy that is like 7 years younger than me, has basically no money, doesn’t have a car, and really has nothing long term to offer me. And yet, I am excited as hell when I see him and when he calls. I know it’s not going to workout. I just hope I am the one that breaks up with him instead of vice versa.
Meh. Life is short. Go for the immediate gratification. What the hell.
murky waters suck. so does regret belly. think of your happiness.
judging by your posts…it seems like you really need to get laid, I say go for it!
I don’t think there is right or wrong answer here.
Would it hinder you to gain long term solution? Would it hinder you to make necessary changes in your life? Would it hinder you to meeting somebody better?
If not, you must think what is good for you (and him).
I would not, but you’re adult and should make your own choice.
First of all - please tell us it’s not the Nurse, either…
More generally…there is a reason that you were holding back long enough to think about it and make a post of it.
There are instant gratification opportunities that do not spur a “should I do this?” response. And then there are the situations that we know, viscerally, will be more problematic. Yet for some reason these scenarios allow us to fool ourselves. “I can handle it,” we say. “I’m an adult. This will just be harmless fun.”
They are ungainly…and sometimes grow horns and claws very fast.
I second the comment about dating beneath you, and offer two words: Vince Vaughn. Need I say more?
If you are even thinking that it might be wrong - it probably is.
Course, if I were you, I would do it.
I would say you wait it out. Though it may not be something totally unethical and may only make you grumpy when it’s over, it could potentially hurt you in the long run.
If this is about what I think it is, I say don’t do it.
In my experience it ends up changing your expectations for what physical intimacy should feel like. For example, I was dating this guy with whom I had AMAZING chemistry. We went on a few dates and he decided he “wasn’t looking for a serious relationship.” But I was already hooked so even after I knew he didn’t want a relationship, I continued to hook up with him because I thought I could handle the outcome. And I did handle the outcome well. Perhaps a little grumpy, but overall not too bad. And at least I did get a little instant gratification. Our infrequent hookups were a bit taboo plus the feeling that I had momentarily conquered a man who was unavailable just heightened the excitement.
The problem comes in way down the line. I haven’t hooked up with this other guy for about 9 months now, but I still remember how it was pretty exciting. I’ve been dating a lot recently, but have struggled to recapture those lust-fueled “feelings.” Lust feels really good. I’m currently seeing someone amazing. He understands me and we have compatible world views. He has already let me know that he wants a future with me and he openly shares of himself freely. I feel like I’ve found the real deal. His kisses and his touch give me a profound feeling of connection that I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before. But despite how amazing things feel now, I’m having a hard time shaking how intense things felt with the other guy. I just don’t think I could get that feeling without that feeling that I’m doing something wrong by hooking up with Mr. Wrong. And all this doens’t bode well for ultimately connecting with Mr. Right.
Sorry for the long reply. Hope you make the right decision.
As someone who just ate four gigantic chocolates, certain it wouldn’t make me feel worse than I did before and that the pleasure would be worth it, I’d say: turn and run.
Every time I’ve jumped into murky waters, be they filled with candy or some cute man’s outstreached arms, I’ve emerged worse for wear. Now I understand why it’s better to wait for the water to clear.
Hopefully I’ll remember that the next time I pass that box of chocolates…
Ha ha. I thought this was about BlackBerry, too.
If it is about sex, travel or something equally thrilling & adventurous, do it.
If it is about objects, food, exboyfriends or anything like that, skip it.
love these kinds of posts.
go for it. no matter what it is.
being single is about living for NOW right? i think so at least.
For me, I try to go for immediate gratification in moderation. Sometimes you just wait and wait and wait to find you’re no closer to what you want. Sometimes, you just have to adopt a devil may care attitude and take a moment to give yourself a little pleasure.
I’d totally do whatever it is at this point, if it were me.
Wait it out. No question.
It’s our ability to do so that separates us from the other primates. And men.
But if you just sit around waiting for things to fall in your leap you have a huge chance of disappointment. Good things don’t ALWAYS come to those who wait. It’s just difficult to tell which is the better action in the moment.
I’d do it.
here is the complete dithery answer:
there is no ‘correct’ answer to yr question!
it’s a dilemma, and whatever you do, you may regret — doing it leads to one set of regrets and not doing it leads to another set of regrets. ditto for set of pleasures….
just think over which set of regrets & pleasures you’d rather have.
*********
from my own POV:
– i’ve slept w. some people i probably shldn’t have slept w.,
and i’m thinking 27+ years ago, but i don’t lie awake at night worrying about it.
– i’ve not-slept with some people i might have enjoyed sleeping w.,
but i don’t lie awake worrying about those ‘losses’ either.
**************
in short, to repeat: reassure yourself that this is By No Means the
most important decision you’ll ever make. just decide which
regrets/pleasures you can live w. more easily. and tell yrself
that either way, it’s not a huge deal.
********
This is the advice of a woman who will be 61 years old in
about a month….
Immediate gratification is always good. But as long as you know what the limits are and recognize the fine line.
Screw all that worrying and go for it! You only live once, and you’re still young, and these kinds of things are what makes life interesting. Enjoy. : )
Been there. It wasn’t worth it. The, “It can’t be worse…” calculation always seems to be wrong. You can only anticipate so much trouble. There always will be little extras that you didn’t think of. If you’re already anticipating even-trouble, you’re almost certain to end up with a little more than even. Thus making you wish you’d just held out.
If you want to do something you know is self-destructive, there’s something else going on, and it won’t be fixed with the self-destructive behavior. The easiest way to find out what that is, is to think of one small thing that will make your life better. Than do it, and check to see how you feel. Then think about why that small thing changed things. It’s a bit obsessive, but it works.
[...] Vague, take two March 2, 2008 Posted by charmingbutsingle in Advice People Give Me, Dating, Friends, General Clumsiness and Related Stupidity, I will never admit to this ever no matter how much you, It’s a strategy, Men, My Misspent Youth, Really. Bad. Habits., Sad but true, Single Girl Cliches. trackback A continuation of this post. [...]
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