Discussion question April 20, 2008
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Dating, Men, Random Musings on Life, Sad but true, Seriously!, Trips to the past.trackback
Which of the following situations do you think is more frustrating:
Being unceremoniously dumped by someone and then constantly reminded that he treated you unkindly or being unceremoniously dumped by someone and being occasionally reminded that he possesses the ability to be sweet to you, yet chooses to harness this power sparingly?
I vote for option 3: Being unceremoniously dumped by someone and then constantly reminded that he is sweet, kind, wonderful, and perfect.
…ouch. At least with the first two, you know you’re better off without the guy.
Is it really a question between those two options - when it sounds like it might be more like an “all of the above” in this particular situation?
Have you seen “Why Did I Get Married”? Those boys are just 20s, that’s all.
Now go get yourself an 80 or above!
I think the second is worse. Might make me miss him more and be vulnerable to him if he said he missed me 2 weeks later and asked me out (if I know it is going nowhere). I am here to say it - boys suck. I am still looking for a man. But man are those boys fun! Especially boys with a southern drawl. Dang I miss the south.
I agree that # 2 is more frustrating because when you see those moments of sweetness you might get sucked back in. When the guy shows himself to be a total jerk, even though it can be angering to deal with a jerk or think that you had feelings for a jerk, it’ll still be easier to realize you’re better off without him.
Clearly, B.
A validates (with relief!), B just royally sucks.
The 2nd option. It actually describes my current situation pretty accurately, even though I know I’m better off. Ugh.
This reminds me of an ongoing debate between my husband and his dad, over whether George W is dumb, or just intellectually lazy.
I’d say the first is maybe better. If he’s just an ass and can’t help it, well, he can’t help it. If he has the ability to be nice and chooses not to use it, that’s just plain mean.
I think both suck, and they are very frustrating. I don’t think that I can choose one or the other. Guys can really suck sometimes!
#2 is way worse! Both suck, but the second is worse.
Um…#2. That’s what’s happened to me every. single. time.
Sweet is worse. It’s really frustrating when people consistently choose to not be the best version of themselves. It’s a lot easier when they are always an asshole.
I can’t get past the unceremoniously dumped part. Screw him! (Or her.)
Neither is worth your time or your brain power, so stop thinking about them. If you need something to think about, go adopt a puppy. They love unconditionally. It’s true. I’ve seen it. They’re also poop factories, so you’ll be too busy avoiding landmines inside and outside your house to worry about the various douchebags that have darkened your doorstep over the years.
The answer is always puppies. Well, sometimes it’s alcohol, but most of the time, puppies do the trick.
Definitely number 2 at least with option 1 you have anger but option 2 you get sucked back in and think everything is working out and shock your unceremoniously dumped as you say it just makes no sense guys have no idea when they have it good until its gone…
Number one. I hate number two, because I personally go through the “why then, was he not nice to me?” bit, which is really bad for the self-esteem.
I definitely think #2 is the more annoying, because each time he does/says something nice all I would be thinking is “Damnit, why couldn’t you have done that when we were still dating!?!?”
Sorry doll
obviously we all think number two is the harder one to deal with, but thats when we’re being rational. The problem is that we trick ourselves with the second guy into thinking he’s somehow changed.
Perhaps its better to be with the first guy because if he’s a jerk all the time, then you can always says “that’s just the way he is” and accept it. Whereas the second guy there’s not a consistent person to accept, so you’re constantly waiting for him to be the one you want him to be, or could be.
I totally agree that puppies are way better.
Maybe I’m hopeful, but I think that one day there is a guy who’s going to be not a jerk, and not a jerk with some moments of shine. There will be the guy who is nice all the time, but maybe our problems are can we recognize him and if we do, do we accept him?
#1 is most frustrating but I would prefer #2. That way you can say mean things about him to your friends and have something to tell yourself when you feel sad about it. “He is such a jerk! I can’t BELIEVE I ever dated him!” See? Isn’t that more conforting?
I’m stuck with #2. Why do we stick around for them? Why do they have this power / influence over us?
I’m voting #2. Seeing that he *could* be that guy is worse. With #1, you can see that he really isn’t.
The latter, as it offers a hint of a chance, before failing even worse.
Option #3 which I call ‘Being unceremoniously dumped by someone and then constantly reminded that he is sweet, kind, wonderful, and perfect to everyone but you…
But in the spirit of following rules. #2 is the worst!
oh the second option FOR SURE.
because then your emotions are just toyed with the smallest hint that you could change him
ugh
Second option hurts more. By a landslide.
most one hundred percent, the second.
when you’re constantly reminded that he’s a jerk, you can realize much more quickly that you’re so much better off.
both suck, though.
both suck equally.
Im actually going through that currently. Jerkface boys. ugh. #2 sucks worse. because then you see that he can be nice and that you know you need to be treated better…but somehow that reutine seems to be working for now..
I have a puppy now, and I rarely ever think about the monster rat bastard ex. She’s super cute!
No matter what, unceremoniously dumped = massive suckage, and also “wow, that was one idiot of a dude.”
being unceremoniously dumped by someone and being occasionally reminded that he possesses the ability to be sweet to you, yet chooses to harness this power sparingly
I’m with Aviva that option 3 is the worst. But out of the two… option 2 is worst.
#2 for sure!
The latter. Also, remember, that option shows the person isn’t really nice, merely manipulative.
You’ve been dating??
I’ve been away.
Being unceremoniously dumped and not being able to get him off your mind. seriously woman!!
I’ve never seen one without the other.
I kind of feel like #1 is a myth. Aren’t they almost always the second one? As human beings, we all have many facets to our personalities and just about all of us (if not all) are capable of being both sweet & jerk-tastic. I think the real issue is that 9 times out of 10 (made up statistic) the dude who you’re calling a “jerk” isn’t actually being a jerk– he’s just not as crazy about you as you are about him and you read that as “jerk”.
p.s. When I say ‘you’ I mean you in general. I think we’ve all been there- I sure know I have.