Love was surely made for fools like me May 18, 2008
Posted by charmingbutsingle in Announcements, Blog, Men, Single Girl Cliches.trackback
Thanks for all of the e-mails and sweet comments over the past few weeks. I can’t respond to them all, but know that I’ve read them and appreciate the sentiment.
To those of you who think I’m fixating or wallowing: You are 100 percent correct. And for good reason. I’m going to fixate and wallow for as long as it takes to purge this. Because this isn’t about one man. This has been building for years and if you don’t want to watch it burst, I’d invite you to move right along.
Or you could stick it out and wait with me. Who knows – I might surprise you. I may rise like a phoenix from the ashes of my bitter, cynical do-nothing-about-it spinsterdom. And then wouldn’t you feel mighty stupid for missing the heroine’s ultimate self-redemption?
My point: Cut me some slack on the rambling posts to come and their (probably) pop song inspired titles. This is so much cheaper than therapy.
You are absolutely right to spend time reflecting upon the choices that you have made in your dating life, and to try to break the pattern that you have established with men. I have made the exact same mistakes in my life (and I’m sure you are hearing that from a lot of other women) and it wasn’t until I analyzed what red flags I ignored, and what qualities of men that I needed to avoid in the future that I was able to break my pattern. In my case, I allowed hypercritical and judgemental men into my life, and let them stay there even though they were not supportive or loving. I needed to understand the negative pattern that I was in and spend time by myself, before I was ready for a loving, supportive relationship that makes me happy.
I do not know all of the issues that you will need to resolve, but can assure you that you will do better on your own, ignoring men until they prove that they are really interested in you all the time (not just when you are around like the nurse/blackberry, but are willing to consider your needs in their daily life). I have no doubt that you will eventually break this pattern, and find a man who deserves you.
You know what? Screw everyone that doesn’t want to wait around for you to get over it. This is your life and you have to handle this the way that you need/want to. Everyone is different and handles things differently so no one can tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing during this time. So, take your time and do what you need to do. If you don’t deal with this now, you’ll end up dealing with it later…..it always comes back if you push it aside and don’t deal with it.
Hi, I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but I’ve never commented before, but I’m wallowing too (for entirely different reasons) and I sympathize completely.
Hello !!!!!!
I have been reading your blog for a while now and I enjoy the fact that you share your thoughts about being single as I am. I too am a single woman in my 30’s and I feel the same way as you do. You have a right to share your thoughts and feelings about your being single as I would. I enjoy the fact that I can relate to you and your life as you go through the daily ups and and down’s of being single. I hope that you continue to feel free to share your thoughts with us all. I enjoy coming to read about your life and thoughts daily. Don’t worry I love your blog so please do keep it coming !!!!!!!
Being single myself you inspire me so don’t worry I’m a fan.
Well, considering that the alternative is bottling it up, letting it fester inside, finally eating you up or bursting forth in a full on depression, I do believe you’ve made the correct choice.
Take the time you need, but don’t forget there is a goal: to get to the other side.
Yaay!
I’m proud of you for taking your time and doing things YOUR way! Feel your feelings! Let them come forth as you darn well please! This is YOUR life! I applaud your courage and your openness! I can totally relate and I appreciate your willingness to share! Bravo! Some people act like they have life all figured out and that really isn’t the case! Each of us has his/her own journey to take. So, we should cut each other some slack!
You’re doing yourself a world of good by taking your time to figure things out. But, just in case you haven’t noticed from the comments, you’re helping a lot of other people along the way!
That makes you some kinda AWESOME! 
Thank you for all that you do!
Sincerely,
Libra Lady
In lieu of my current (and somewhat generally similar) situations, my mom put it best:
Each one is a turd. You can handle the shit individually, but when you throw it on the pile, that’s when it gets you down. It’s the pile, not the shit.
You know, it may sound gross but she’s right. I know you cared for him, but I don’t think that the hurt is from him, it’s the whole pile. That’s what my hurt was, and is, and that’s the part that’s the toughest to deal with.
Here’s to dealing with the whole pile, lady. There may be a lot of turds on the pile, but really, it’s still shit. You know how to find me if you need me.
While blogging, might be a whole lot cheaper than therapy, have you ever considered trying it? It’s incredibly helpful.
I like Lisa Loeb and don’t consider her “pop”
You sound a lovely person full of personality.
Wallowing once in a while is damn good for the soul
Good luck!
im right there with you…. screw everyone else, just do what you need to do to get through it…. and if that means wallowing for a while, well then, you just wallow away!
i also do not consider lisa loeb to be pop!
but what i was going to say…
wallow all you want. if you dont’ wallow, it will come back to bite you. you’ve gotta work it out of your system. we have all wallowed from time to time. just look forward to knowing that one day, this won’t matter nearly as much as it does today.
you’ll get there. it might take a couple weeks, a couple months or a couple years. just try and stay positive and surround yourself with people who care about you.
time heals all wounds.
{{{hugs}}}
Do NOT wallow. That is my advice.
Get out there and pursue a hobby! Sometimes it is the courage to continue that really matters.
Hang in there, woman!
call it wallow or call it “solving or at least understanding a little bit better why I keep doing what I am doing”, you might be right to follow your instinct on this one… I pushed myself out there last time… did everything I thought I was supposed to do, surrounded myself with friends, started a therapy, stopped whining and forced myself to smile with a broken heart, and I thought it worked. I met a wonderful man… After a year though, here I am, stuck with the same issues again, but REALLY not wanting to screw that story… So… I am wondering whether I should not have “wallowed” a little bit longer…
Just make sure the wallowing includes some self-nurturing too. Eat comfort foods, get back in touch with who you are and what you like to do, treat yourself to a pedicure - do whatever it takes to make your wallowing self feel loved.
Wallow if you want! Do whatever you need to get over it! Then you will be ready to go out and find that right person! Hang in there!
People under-estimate the amount of pain we can endure while “moving forward” and leaving things unsaid/unresolved. If your wallowing is in response to not wanting to carry the pain anymore, then wallow away! I can’t speak for other readers, but I know I’ll stick around to read about your latest ramblings….whenever they occur.
Ameeeen!
I hate it when people just want you to “get over it!!” As if one needs MORE pressure.
Good thoughts go your way.
Reviewing how/why you have accepted various scenarios/relationships in your life is NOT the same as ‘wallowing’. One is about awareness/acceptance and moving on - the other is about letting a feeling fester. The former is productive, the latter is destructive. There is a fine line between the two.
While everyone deals with things in their own way (and timeline), and no one should tell you how/when to ‘get over it’, pay close attention to where your threshold between those two realms is. Only you know where it is, and only you can steer you to the productive side. Friends are great, and all, but only when the little voice in you can stand up and say ‘this is where all that crap ENDS’ will you make the changes in what you do and accept done to you.
And this isn’t just about dating. It is about ALL relationships: dating, friends, family, work, all of it.
(And it is also a never ending process. We’re ALL - every one of us - still working towards that level of self possession.)
Best to you.
tgov
“This is so much cheaper than therapy.” Touche. It’s nice to know that other people out there are going through emotions and sentiments that you can related to. So, please, wallow away. You’re definitely not alone.
[...] the header is based on Pop Lyrics [never a good sign...I know I've been there]. But there was a great post that I probably related to a little more then others…and it read “To those of you who [...]